Quick intro

Please take your time and introduce yourself to us - why Domestic Discipline, are you married, how your relationship progressed...
Shannon
Posts: 129
Joined: Thu May 10, 2018 3:20 pm

Re: Quick intro

Post by Shannon » Tue Apr 16, 2019 12:31 pm

The best way for her to avoid the over the knee spanking is to follow the rules! ;)

I understand that she doesn't like over the knee spankings but she is okay with maintenance. It sounds to me that your maintenance spankings are playful to an extent. Is it clear to her that a punishment spanking, regardless of the position, will be uncomfortable, not fun, and unenjoyable?

Have you ever given her one of the "official spankings" with a set number of swats with a belt that she is asking for instead? If so, was it easier for her to accept while still accomplishing the desired results? If it accomplished what it needed to, then possibly you could save the over the knee for more severe offenses (since you know she doesn't like it at all). However, either way, the decision is yours. As a submissive, I do not get to choose how I'm spanked. My behavior and my HoH determines that.

Jwalker
Posts: 24
Joined: Wed Mar 06, 2019 7:12 am

Re: Quick intro

Post by Jwalker » Tue Apr 16, 2019 11:01 pm

Yes, she has two of the “official” punishments. The first was 8 strokes for speeding. The second time was only 6, for using too much data for two months straight. I guess knowing the amount helps her, because even though it obviously hurt, she didn’t cry either time.

We don’t really have an arrangement like most people on here, and that’s why I started posting here.she is not really submissive or interested in this lifestyle. It is me that is into it.also, when she was spanked growing up, it was over the knee so I think that dynamic plays into it as well.

Maintenance for us is ceremonial. She lays over my lap (on the couch) so it’s different than when I sit in the chair for punishment.she may get a dozen soft smacks for maintenance, with maybe a few sharp ones if she has been pushing limits that week.

But I think for us to continue, she is going to get the spanking she has earned.if I let this slide, I think I will lose respect for myself and my role will be diminished.

Shannon
Posts: 129
Joined: Thu May 10, 2018 3:20 pm

Re: Quick intro

Post by Shannon » Wed Apr 17, 2019 9:33 pm

Jwalker wrote:
Tue Apr 16, 2019 11:01 pm
I guess knowing the amount helps her, because even though it obviously hurt, she didn’t cry either time.
In the thread below (even though it's actually a different topic), several talk about it being easier for them too. They are able to focus more on the number or that it's almost over, instead of actually focusing on their behavior.
viewtopic.php?f=10&t=89
Jwalker wrote:
Tue Apr 16, 2019 11:01 pm
We don’t really have an arrangement like most people on here, and that’s why I started posting here.she is not really submissive or interested in this lifestyle. It is me that is into it.
Jwalker wrote:
Tue Apr 16, 2019 11:01 pm
But I think for us to continue, she is going to get the spanking she has earned.if I let this slide, I think I will lose respect for myself and my role will be diminished.
You say she is not interested in this lifestyle. There are certain things though that both partners do need to be in agreement about. I am assuming, she has agreed to allow you to punish her as needed and as you see fit. If that is the clear understanding between the two of you, then I agree with your statement about thinking that you are helping to diminish your role by not following through. Consistency is important.

I understand that this is a lifestyle that you want. You know that there are benefits and don't need any convincing. It may take some time for your wife to feel this way. Communication between partners, is one of the keys that, helps open the door to all the benefits that this lifestyle offers them. Best of luck, to you both, on this journey!

AddyJane
Posts: 210
Joined: Thu Oct 04, 2018 1:26 pm

Re: Quick intro

Post by AddyJane » Thu Apr 18, 2019 6:30 pm

Belated welcome!

If you don’t mind me asking, is this lifestyle something she has verbalize she does not want or does she just assume this is something unique to you?

If so, is this “number count/ offense agreement” you’ve settled on a sort of compromise or something she is agreeing to entirely for your sake?

I can’t help but feel from what you’ve wrote, she seems a little in the dark. Personally I would be overly intimidated if I did not understand the basis for DD. And thinking it was just unique to my marriage...that would be so conflicting.

I do think there’s a wide range to what extent DD is practiced here on this forum. Some couples use it seldom and sparingly, others more-so. So there is a range of perspectives, each helpful in their own way.

Hopefully if she ever feels isolated or confused you can refer her back to our forum... you may be right that some of us practice DD differently or more formally, but I doubt any of us would advocate that our way was the best way or only way.

We most likely would still relate on some levels.

CassLynn
Posts: 1051
Joined: Fri May 04, 2018 1:05 pm

Re: Quick intro

Post by CassLynn » Fri Apr 19, 2019 1:37 am

In my opinion this life style requires complete, uncoerced consent. If she does not want it, it’s not right for you to try to sneak her into it. I think the right thing would be to tell her this is something that’s important to you and then ask her to study it with you and ask her if she’ll agree to take some time to think it over and accept her decision if it’s a no. Whatever she does that you would like her to change can be addressed through communication without involving spanking. If she loves you and is a good person she’ll listen to your concerns and do her best to respect them because she values your relationship.

Jwalker
Posts: 24
Joined: Wed Mar 06, 2019 7:12 am

Re: Quick intro

Post by Jwalker » Wed Apr 24, 2019 5:48 pm

Thank you for the very good advice. I am taking it under consideration in trying to explain this better to her.

Full disclosure though: last night she went to bed with the red bottom she earned herself. She knew it was coming, and I wasn’t going to let it pass while we figured this out.

girlzruleboyzdrool4u
Posts: 92
Joined: Sat Mar 02, 2019 4:58 pm

Re: Quick intro

Post by girlzruleboyzdrool4u » Wed Apr 24, 2019 5:50 pm

Jwalker wrote:
Wed Mar 06, 2019 7:37 pm
Thank you all for the kind words.

We were continuing on as a couple, when we decided to start a family. This scared the heck out of me, but I knew it was selfish to deny her. At this point, we started to talk about a few rules etc. one of them is she will take a spanking when she is naughty.she also addresses me as sir, when it is appropriate ( she knows by the tone of my voice). Other than that, no other aspects of DD existed. (Cornertime,forced nudity or anything else) Obviously, (hopefully it’s obvious), there were no spankings during pregnancy.

After 6 months or so, she finally earned one. Again, she seemed surprised by the idea of actuallly being spanked by me. This spanking again was under 5 minutes, with my hand and caused redness and tears.it set the tone for the next year or so behavior wise.

After that, she began to snap, and be disrespectful. We started Sunday “maintenance” but she hasn’t read anything about DD and doesn’t know that I do either. Her maintenance is over my lap with some playful swats mixed with a few sharp ones if needed.it is more ceremonial than what others consider maintenance

I guess my questions and concerns are if I have coerced her into this and back off or since this is the path we are on, just continue it. It’s safe to say she doesn’t like to be spanked, but unlike everyone else we know, we don’t fight. She doesn’t have the reaction that a true submissive would and that’s fine with me.i don’t need it connected to anything sexual, just need it to be part of our reality.

Hope some of that made sense, happy to answer questions to clarify
I am married also going on 13 years and our relationship sounds a lot like yours in a way, except some things. I have always had a fun and great relationship with my husband. We horseplay and used to prank each other and the last while I have done some things to piss him off and he has spanked me for it... like yours under 2 minutes but hard, fast spankings... I was completely shocked and in tears and didn't see it coming... I am not submitting to it and find that I step up my revenge game and retaliate and become even more of a pain in the ass to test him. He has been throwing me over his knee and it started off with pants on... it has graduated to him whipping off my pants and panties when I "act up". I totally know if I "act like a brat" he's going to spank me.. Ive managed to not get any spankings for awhile because I stopped my behavior... and it actually makes me feel like challenging him because I can't believe he thinks he can spank me. I used to prank and keep him up at night because it was annoying for him to keep falling asleep and not paying enough attention to me... I know that if I prank him (hiding his stuff and making him think he lost it somewhere) or purposely pestering him I'm going to get spanked. I hadn't read anything DD and I found my way on this website trying to find out if it is "normal " for a husband to spank a wife for disciplinary reasons and am starting to realize that it is.... I'm super feisty, determined, free spirited and strong willed... I do not have the reaction to be a true submissive either. I love my husband and he loves me and somehow this is starting to become our lifestyle... but I will say this.. I'm determined to challenge him every step of the way on this.... in fact, I hid his wallet for 2 days already and he thinks he lost it and is panicked... he asked me today on our lunch date if I possibly took it... I denied it...he raised his eyebrows today and said, we'll see.... so I dont' know if he found it or not and am not entirely sure if i'm going to be in big crap tonight.... it's crazy but i'm not DD and I HATE being spanked but if i'm going to be spanked, I might as well make it worth it! Maybe your wife feels the same. My husband says "just because I'm cute doesn't mean i'm not going to get spanked and my pranking behavior and being troublesome is going to get me them if I don't stop... so the answer to your question "should you back off"... it depends on your wife...my husband isn't backing off so i'm stepping up my game because I don't want to be spanked!!!... it's not a fight between us but i'm super stubborn and I never gave him consent to spank me. He says he didn't give his consent for me to prank and pester him so as it stands that's the only thing I get spanked for...I am not accepting it though. Our relationship is really awesome besides that. We had a lunch date today, cuddled and watched Game of Thrones last night and are playing pool tonight... If you were my husband, i'd say better stop spanking or your in for a good pranking!

Jwalker
Posts: 24
Joined: Wed Mar 06, 2019 7:12 am

Re: Quick intro

Post by Jwalker » Wed Apr 24, 2019 6:09 pm

That’s a funny story. My wife seems more docile and I wouldn’t spank for playful things, unless it was just a playful, soft one.i also don’t spank for some of the things people on the forum say they do. She doesn’t have chores, or rules etc. she spends what she wants, does what she wants etc, this issue is with her not doing things to get her business, which she wanted to start, started. Last November for her birthday, we bought 5k in photography and computer equipment. Her website was supposed to be up by now, and she isn’t moving forward.she has another two weeks, or we have another “talk” and she won’t be sitting comfortably again.

girlzruleboyzdrool4u
Posts: 92
Joined: Sat Mar 02, 2019 4:58 pm

Re: Quick intro

Post by girlzruleboyzdrool4u » Wed Apr 24, 2019 9:12 pm

Yeah, I don't have rules like that either. I can spend what I want (but we just buy stuff together bc we want to) and I work too. We split everything 50/50. It's just my husband has had "enough of my bratty behavior " (I've always been a daredevil( bungee jumping, zip lining love adventure and testing the waters with people...including knowingly and purposely frustrating him..which he knew when we got married 13 years ago) we were friends first. So spanking is unexpected and unwanted for me. I know he's had enough. My butt has been spanked soo much and it hurt to sit for a.couple days after.. I stopped my behavior for awhile but when my butt feels better I'm like "he can't get away with that". I'm thinking he has truly had enough. This forum has helped me a lot though. I realize we're not alone and that other people have this lifestyle in some regard. I'm trying to find ways to make it hurt less... I feel if I can outlast him...he says "no way".
Good luck to you and your wife. I actually am gentle too. I don't even kill bugs or hurt anyone but I am and can't help but be mischevious. I'm 38. You'd think I'd grow up by now

Jwalker
Posts: 24
Joined: Wed Mar 06, 2019 7:12 am

Re: Quick intro

Post by Jwalker » Thu Apr 25, 2019 9:13 pm

Sounds like your husband either needs to resign himself to the fact that spankings aren’t working and either stop or up the intensity. When my wife gets argumentative about it, I threaten to get the wooden spoon. That’s what she got as a kid, and she immediately changes her tone.

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