Quick intro

Please take your time and introduce yourself to us - why Domestic Discipline, are you married, how your relationship progressed...
Shannon
Posts: 118
Joined: Thu May 10, 2018 3:20 pm

Re: Quick intro

Post by Shannon » Tue Apr 16, 2019 12:31 pm

The best way for her to avoid the over the knee spanking is to follow the rules! ;)

I understand that she doesn't like over the knee spankings but she is okay with maintenance. It sounds to me that your maintenance spankings are playful to an extent. Is it clear to her that a punishment spanking, regardless of the position, will be uncomfortable, not fun, and unenjoyable?

Have you ever given her one of the "official spankings" with a set number of swats with a belt that she is asking for instead? If so, was it easier for her to accept while still accomplishing the desired results? If it accomplished what it needed to, then possibly you could save the over the knee for more severe offenses (since you know she doesn't like it at all). However, either way, the decision is yours. As a submissive, I do not get to choose how I'm spanked. My behavior and my HoH determines that.

Jwalker
Posts: 7
Joined: Wed Mar 06, 2019 7:12 am

Re: Quick intro

Post by Jwalker » Tue Apr 16, 2019 11:01 pm

Yes, she has two of the “official” punishments. The first was 8 strokes for speeding. The second time was only 6, for using too much data for two months straight. I guess knowing the amount helps her, because even though it obviously hurt, she didn’t cry either time.

We don’t really have an arrangement like most people on here, and that’s why I started posting here.she is not really submissive or interested in this lifestyle. It is me that is into it.also, when she was spanked growing up, it was over the knee so I think that dynamic plays into it as well.

Maintenance for us is ceremonial. She lays over my lap (on the couch) so it’s different than when I sit in the chair for punishment.she may get a dozen soft smacks for maintenance, with maybe a few sharp ones if she has been pushing limits that week.

But I think for us to continue, she is going to get the spanking she has earned.if I let this slide, I think I will lose respect for myself and my role will be diminished.

Shannon
Posts: 118
Joined: Thu May 10, 2018 3:20 pm

Re: Quick intro

Post by Shannon » Wed Apr 17, 2019 9:33 pm

Jwalker wrote:
Tue Apr 16, 2019 11:01 pm
I guess knowing the amount helps her, because even though it obviously hurt, she didn’t cry either time.
In the thread below (even though it's actually a different topic), several talk about it being easier for them too. They are able to focus more on the number or that it's almost over, instead of actually focusing on their behavior.
viewtopic.php?f=10&t=89
Jwalker wrote:
Tue Apr 16, 2019 11:01 pm
We don’t really have an arrangement like most people on here, and that’s why I started posting here.she is not really submissive or interested in this lifestyle. It is me that is into it.
Jwalker wrote:
Tue Apr 16, 2019 11:01 pm
But I think for us to continue, she is going to get the spanking she has earned.if I let this slide, I think I will lose respect for myself and my role will be diminished.
You say she is not interested in this lifestyle. There are certain things though that both partners do need to be in agreement about. I am assuming, she has agreed to allow you to punish her as needed and as you see fit. If that is the clear understanding between the two of you, then I agree with your statement about thinking that you are helping to diminish your role by not following through. Consistency is important.

I understand that this is a lifestyle that you want. You know that there are benefits and don't need any convincing. It may take some time for your wife to feel this way. Communication between partners, is one of the keys that, helps open the door to all the benefits that this lifestyle offers them. Best of luck, to you both, on this journey!

AddyJane
Posts: 177
Joined: Thu Oct 04, 2018 1:26 pm

Re: Quick intro

Post by AddyJane » Thu Apr 18, 2019 6:30 pm

Belated welcome!

If you don’t mind me asking, is this lifestyle something she has verbalize she does not want or does she just assume this is something unique to you?

If so, is this “number count/ offense agreement” you’ve settled on a sort of compromise or something she is agreeing to entirely for your sake?

I can’t help but feel from what you’ve wrote, she seems a little in the dark. Personally I would be overly intimidated if I did not understand the basis for DD. And thinking it was just unique to my marriage...that would be so conflicting.

I do think there’s a wide range to what extent DD is practiced here on this forum. Some couples use it seldom and sparingly, others more-so. So there is a range of perspectives, each helpful in their own way.

Hopefully if she ever feels isolated or confused you can refer her back to our forum... you may be right that some of us practice DD differently or more formally, but I doubt any of us would advocate that our way was the best way or only way.

We most likely would still relate on some levels.

CassLynn
Posts: 1001
Joined: Fri May 04, 2018 1:05 pm

Re: Quick intro

Post by CassLynn » Fri Apr 19, 2019 1:37 am

In my opinion this life style requires complete, uncoerced consent. If she does not want it, it’s not right for you to try to sneak her into it. I think the right thing would be to tell her this is something that’s important to you and then ask her to study it with you and ask her if she’ll agree to take some time to think it over and accept her decision if it’s a no. Whatever she does that you would like her to change can be addressed through communication without involving spanking. If she loves you and is a good person she’ll listen to your concerns and do her best to respect them because she values your relationship.

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