Nope I can very much understand this HoldsTheKey!
Not sure if your wife is anything like me, but in the absence of structure, I will make structure - even if it means assuming a leadership role and going against my submissive nature. I crave structure more than submission at times.
(I grew up quickly when my father died as a teen and my mother very much has been codependent on me since then.)
I become the reluctant leader in scenarios such as that, but the role weighs on me; I do it constantly at work. It is intimidating as I much rather be a follower, but I lead well I have been told - again the desire for structure allows for that.
The difference between my husband and I is there is almost a resentment I feel if I’m pushed into leading past my comfort zone, can’t explain it but that is the closest emotion that I can relate it to!
(Oddly enough the structure my husband provides can be more subtle and forgiving than the structure I would institute for myself or him left to my own devices in our home.)
I say this occasionally, but if I was the HoH, I would be a force to be reckoned with- there would be no peace. I get oddly obsessive and controlling, but it’s out of fear and need for structure. He balances leading with much more grace and unlike me, it does not go to his head.
HoldsTheKey wrote: ↑
Wed Jan 30, 2019 10:26 am
DesertRose wrote: ↑
Tue Jan 29, 2019 4:42 pm
This is interesting.. maybe you want to reverse your roles?
It's not crazy that you'd think that! But we've talked a lot about it and as much as I'd like it, I just don't think it would work that way. My wife's need for control is more of a response to a lack of confidence that things are being dealt with, not in her desire to be the one making the decisions. Ultimately she feels most safe and comfortable when she trusts things are being taken care of and she can drop her desire to be in control.
This makes it tough for a relationship between what is essentially two naturally submissive people. But I have a greater capacity to swing both ways, as it were.