Search Initiated

Please take your time and introduce yourself to us - why Domestic Discipline, are you married, how your relationship progressed...
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Alan
Posts: 1
Joined: Sun Jan 06, 2019 6:14 am

Search Initiated

Post by Alan » Sun Jan 06, 2019 1:03 pm

It was halfway through 2012 when the stage was set. Twenty eight years into a good marriage that neither of us wanted to leave the dreaded news arrived. It's cancer they said and we entered into shock. The cancer story is another one but suffice it to say that it was drawn out for 6 years and ended with her death.
When faced with the imminent threat of the end of a long term relationship due to an outside force a chaos ensues in the heart, soul and mind. Well intentioned folk use many phrases that are loaded with a set of meanings that never help and many times hurt. The Christian community is the worst as somehow built into every phrase there is the seed of thought that if spelled out would say that God...who is good all the time...will take care of this situation.
Rarely does the party who is to be left behind express what really happens in the heart, soul and mind. The first reaction is that of putting every energy into fixing the problem. It is unavoidable that we look for the cause both in the physical realm and the spiritual realm.
On the physical side the problem of cancer is so controversial that we could not arrive at a good enough understanding to be fully at peace with any path we could take. We started down a wholistic health path and when the pain became too much we changed to the medical route.
On the spiritual side as I looked at our marriage there was only one area of conflict so I dug into attempting to resolve that area. We both grew up in Conservative Evangelical Christian families. Both were missionary families so we shared many things in common. Where our paths diverged was in the area of sexual formation. My sexuality was formed in early childhood around a pain/pleasure and power exchange theme. The greatest intimacy I received from my mother was after discipline. My wife's sexuality was formed around a father who may have taken pleasure in the discipline of his daughters and created a phobia towards spanking and towards sex.
Over the six years from diagnosis to death my journey changed from attempting to fix the sexual/intimacy issues in myself and in my wife to realizing that the end was near and trying to determine how to embark on the next part of my journey and find fulfillment in a relationship in spite of my altered sexuality.
The quest continues and brings me to this site. I have followed DD for some time with interest but a degree of cynicism as well. I am looking for that woman that shares the blend of sexual desire with pain/pleasure and power exchange. A person to share the remainder of our lives together and simply enjoy reinventing scenarios that incorporate these elements. It is my belief that the vanilla world is incapable of achieving the same intensity of intimacy that is present after a good session of "inflicting pleasure"
Any and all opinions and suggestions are welcome.

Astolaine
Posts: 8
Joined: Tue Nov 27, 2018 8:16 pm

Re: Search Initiated

Post by Astolaine » Sun Jan 06, 2019 1:19 pm

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, it sounds like you had a very strong bond with your wife and that you had many wonderful years together. That's something that will never leave you and you can reflect upon whenever you wish xxx

It seems that you are now looking to open another chapter and explore another area of your life, I commend you for that and I hope you find someone to embark on this adventure with. My HoH and I have been together for many years, however we have only recenlty decided to fully embrace DD as our way of life (it's always been there bubbling away under the surface we believe, but lately it's gone stellar)!

It's been an emotional journey and I have found it liberating, frustrating and enlightening in equal measure. We have had days when we feel like we are out of control or mad for even doing what we do (well I have, I shouldn't speak for sir really)!

Anyway I just wanted to send you a virtual hug and let you know I hope you find what you are seeking. Wishing you all the very best,

Astolaine xxx

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sweetie
Posts: 981
Joined: Fri May 18, 2018 6:53 am
Location: United Kingdom

Re: Search Initiated

Post by sweetie » Sun Jan 06, 2019 1:44 pm

Welcome, Alan. I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. Cancer is just horrible, it took one of my cousin’s away from her two young children at the age of just 33.

Good luck 🍀 in your search.
sweetie x
Please inform MrsSweetie, my HoH, if I'm in any way impolite, disrespectful, inapproptiate, or cause any offence

rainonsundays
Posts: 13
Joined: Sat May 05, 2018 12:23 pm

Re: Search Initiated

Post by rainonsundays » Sun Jan 06, 2019 2:06 pm

Hi Alan,

The only suggestion I have is to encourage you not to deny this side of your sexuality. There are women who are looking for the same dynamic, and there's no reason you can't finally be satisfied with a like minded partner.

My DH is a good man, but he refuses to embrace or even explore DD with me. I certainly won't end our marriage over this disconnect, but if Fate (or God, or the Universe) determines that I should be single again, I will make sure that DD is a foundation in any serious subsequent relationship.

Life is too short not to get what what you want and need.

I'm very sorry for your loss and I wish you happiness in the future.

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