Just Starting Out

Please take your time and introduce yourself to us - why Domestic Discipline, are you married, how your relationship progressed...
StarGirl
Posts: 21
Joined: Fri Dec 28, 2018 3:13 pm

Just Starting Out

Post by StarGirl » Fri Dec 28, 2018 4:51 pm

I'm not even sure where to begin. I met my husband when I was 20, and he was 29. We were both just out of long-term relationships and kind of just attracted to one another. We've been together for 11 years and married 10. I got pregnant two months into our relationship, and a month after our oldest daughter was born we got married. That was in 2008. Looking back we both agree it was a bad idea, but here we are. In 2010 and 2011 our second and third daughters were born. I didn't return to my full-time job when our third was born.

This is where our marriage started to crumble. I had three kids under three and was always at home. After a while I stopped helping around the house, I'd get short with my husband and after a while refused to have sex with him. He tried to make me happy. He started helping around the house, and after a while, he started doing all the housework, while I sat around and did nothing. The kids were fed, and I spent time with them, but I spent most of my time on my phone. In 2013 I started a part-time job at my husband's urging. He thought me being around other adults would help with my mood. Within six months I started an affair with a co-worker. While my husband was trying to make me happy, picking up the slack and being the kindest man, I was sleeping with a co-worker who had a poor impression on women. He made crude jokes about my appearance and a few times called me names. I had tried to end the affair a few times, but I never did until fourteen months after it started. Two months after discovery, I packed our children and moved in with my mother while he was work, and texted him asking for a divorce.

We were separated for almost all of 2014. During that time I dated a few men. It wasn't until month ten of our separation when one man gave me a black eye, and I'm so thankful it wasn't around my children, that I was at my breaking point, or I thought. I started talking to my husband again, and we moved back in with him almost immediately.

For two years, things were great; we got along better. I started to help around the house, but things turned to shit when he was faced with relocation for work, or he'd be unemployed. His work paid well had great benefits, and he likely wouldn't have found anything nearly as good. So we moved 1000 miles away. I felt isolated. I began to resort back to old habits. I was unmotivated, depressed and was constantly picking fights with him. This went on for over a year, until one day.

In July of this year, he arranged for our daughters to stay with his parents for a week. I was under the impression he was going on some trip, and I'd be getting a vacation. But that was not what happened. It was day two of our "vacation," and I was about to hang out with friends he wasn't too fond of. As I was about to leave he stopped me at the front door. I told him to get out of my way, and he said we needed to talk. Me being me told him to fuck off. So he told me he had called a lawyer and had filed for divorce because he wasn't going to tolerate any of this any longer.

I laughed in his face and told him the girls and I were moving back to our home city. He told me I was free to go, but the girls were staying and would fight me in court if needed to be. He then listed all the people who would back him, and to show my lack of attention. I got mad and told him I'd see him in court and left. The following few days, I talked to a few lawyers, and they both told me that it would be very unlikely a judge would allow a relocation. So I went home, and for the next few days I didn't talk to him but started to pick up the slack.

So he never did file for divorce that week, and things started to fall back into place. I did start to pick up the slack, become more attentive. But it wasn't enough, because out of the blew early last month, leaving work I was served. I panicked. I thought things were getting better. So I called him crying — a mixture of shock, embarrassment and rejection. The only thing he said on the phone was that he could be with someone who disrespected him, was unmotivated and that he had to beg to want to be with him. Then he hung up on me. I don't know what it was, but something overcame me, and I was attracted to him, and the fact he was taking charge of his life and not taking any more of my crap, made me want him. I seemed always to be attracted to the men who were unavailable and who were dominated. So I begged him not to divorce me and that I would do anything. He took a few days, and he said that if I wanted one last chance, then I needed to prove to him that I was committed, that I needed to submit to him, treat him with respect and to take care of my responsibilities.

So for four weeks (28 days exactly), I submitted to him. I picked up the slack, came home when I said I'd come. I still had an attitude problem, rushed household chores and stayed up way past when I should have, but he said he saw a vast improvement.

On Christmas day is when the dynamic of our relationship changed. It was after the girls went to bed, and I was having one of my moods. I was swearing, bitching, complaining and he just stood there, and took it. When I wasn't getting the reaction I wanted, I went outside, and about ten minutes later he followed me out. I sat in my car, and he joined me. He asked me if I was finished? I said I was. He asked me again if I wanted to be married because he once again reminded me that he could resume with the divorce at any time. I told him I didn't want that. He said nothing else and got out. Then he sent me a link to this website. He said he had been lurking for a few weeks, and thought now was the time to share it with me. Immediately I said I'd do whatever he wanted. He told me firmly to take a few days and think about it, do some reading and to think about it. He said he thinks I need some firm guidance.

So I spent the better part of two days researching the lifestyle. ANd last night I told him I was ready to submit to him. I admitted I was out of control, was rude, disrespectful, had a bad attitude and wasn't being a good mother or partner. This morning, while the girls went to the mall with their cousin, I was washing up dishes, when I dropped one, and a bunch of f-bombs went off, and I had a tantrum. He witnessed this just as he was coming in for his lunch break. He without a word, took me by the wrist, sat down and pulled me over his lap and spanked me. It lasted about ten minutes, and I was in tears by the end of it. He told me tonight before bed I was getting another, and then we would be sitting down to discuss domestic discipline and our roles in our marriage going forward.

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sweetie
Posts: 1048
Joined: Fri May 18, 2018 6:53 am
Location: United Kingdom

Re: Just Starting Out

Post by sweetie » Fri Dec 28, 2018 6:24 pm

Wow, sounds like you’ve both been through a lot, StarGirl. That must’ve been hard to write. Thanks for sharing. All I can say is DD has really helped my wife and I and I hope it works out well for both of you. Good luck 🍀
sweetie x
Please inform MrsSweetie, my HoH, if I'm in any way impolite, disrespectful, inapproptiate, or cause any offence

SurrealSD
Posts: 234
Joined: Fri Sep 28, 2018 9:12 am

Re: Just Starting Out

Post by SurrealSD » Fri Dec 28, 2018 6:45 pm

Welcome StarGirl! Thanks for sharing your story! Hopefully you and your husband are looking around and learning. There's a lot to learn here and some great folks to learn from. I've learned there are as many ways to do DD as there are couples who do it, and we all have to figure out what works for us. We are all here to help along the way though.
But first, have you tried sitting down with your partner and telling them honestly how you feel?

Kerry
Posts: 645
Joined: Wed Oct 04, 2017 11:54 pm
Location: Midwest US submissive female with male HoH partner

Re: Just Starting Out

Post by Kerry » Fri Dec 28, 2018 10:44 pm

I hope the spanking helped you feel better and your discussion goes well.
Key

StarGirl
Posts: 21
Joined: Fri Dec 28, 2018 3:13 pm

Re: Just Starting Out

Post by StarGirl » Sat Dec 29, 2018 2:08 am

Thanks, everyone. To be honest, I am not sure how I feel. The spanking from lunchtime if I had to rate pain it was about 4 out of 10, but on an emotional release scale definitely a 7 or 8 out of 10. I spent most of the day thinking, every emotion one would think of, was going through my mind. He asked me how I felt, and I told him I really didn't know how I felt because I didn't. Then as he promised I got another, it was more painful than the first one, and I actually struggled, and he had to hold me down, and I was screaming. If we weren't inside our soundproof man cave, I would have wondered what our daughters and neighbours would have thought based on how I was carrying on.

Afterward, we talked about it, and he thought I wasn't serious, but I told him that it's so hard to let go of control when I'm so used to having control, even though my life was spiralling. Does that make sense? He wasn't convinced but said he'd have to accept my explanation. It wasn't really reassuring, but I guess I'll have to learn to control myself. So we discussed a few basic rules. Any disrespect, broken promises and being tardy without giving proper head up would result in automatic correction. He says he expects me to pick up the slack, clean the house, try to have a decent attitude and to be an overall be more attentive. He says at this point, he doesn't think specific rules are warranted based on housework, or general mood as everyone has bad days, and he'll rather just deal with it at a case by case basis. He says he doesn't want to micromanage me, but he wants peace and someone he can rely on.

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sweetie
Posts: 1048
Joined: Fri May 18, 2018 6:53 am
Location: United Kingdom

Re: Just Starting Out

Post by sweetie » Sat Dec 29, 2018 3:38 am

StarGirl wrote:
Sat Dec 29, 2018 2:08 am

Afterward, we talked about it, and he thought I wasn't serious, but I told him that it's so hard to let go of control when I'm so used to having control, even though my life was spiralling. Does that make sense?
I've always been a natural submissive so haven't 'let go of control when I'm so used to having control' but I know there's people on here who will understand that completely as they have also struggled with that. There was a discussion about it recently in another Topic but I can't remember where it was right now (possibly in DDwife's journal)... I certainly don't think you are the only one finding it difficult to relinquish control.
sweetie x
Please inform MrsSweetie, my HoH, if I'm in any way impolite, disrespectful, inapproptiate, or cause any offence

AddyJane
Posts: 200
Joined: Thu Oct 04, 2018 1:26 pm

Re: Just Starting Out

Post by AddyJane » Sat Dec 29, 2018 1:31 pm

Wow, thank you for sharing; what a journey!
Wishing you the best! Hopefully you find the forum helpful!
-Addy

Mel41
Posts: 174
Joined: Thu Nov 15, 2018 4:58 pm

Re: Just Starting Out

Post by Mel41 » Mon Dec 31, 2018 1:00 pm

Best of luck! This is a great place for advice and to act as a sounding board, when needed. I hope you're doing ok and managed to figure out your emotions around the first couple of spankings.
🎵 Hit me baby one more time 🎵

StarGirl
Posts: 21
Joined: Fri Dec 28, 2018 3:13 pm

Re: Just Starting Out

Post by StarGirl » Mon Dec 31, 2018 6:11 pm

I'm honestly feeling kind of empty inside. The first twenty-four hours I felt vulnerable, and just wanted him to comfort me, but he didn't. He was cold where I just wanted a hug.

SurrealSD
Posts: 234
Joined: Fri Sep 28, 2018 9:12 am

Re: Just Starting Out

Post by SurrealSD » Mon Dec 31, 2018 6:35 pm

StarGirl wrote:
Mon Dec 31, 2018 6:11 pm
I'm honestly feeling kind of empty inside. The first twenty-four hours I felt vulnerable, and just wanted him to comfort me, but he didn't. He was cold where I just wanted a hug.
Did you tell him you needed hugs and comfort?
But first, have you tried sitting down with your partner and telling them honestly how you feel?

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