Does the Sub have a say in what becomes a Rule?

Spanking and Domestic Discipline
Sam89
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Joined: Sun Feb 17, 2019 8:54 pm

Re: Does the Sub have a say in what becomes a Rule?

Post by Sam89 » Sat Feb 23, 2019 4:48 pm

I guess you all talk about the rules and agree first. My wife and I talk about the rules but it's more her telling me about a change and listening if I have concerns. When we agreed to do DD she was firm about needing the ability to set rules for me she thinks I need. So I understood it meant I was consenting to the whole DD thing and not necessarily each rule. I don't like all my rules but I accept she's in charge and the rules are meant to help me. Also we both agree a clear set of rules keeps us both honest and understanding expectations.

Robin
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Re: Does the Sub have a say in what becomes a Rule?

Post by Robin » Thu Mar 21, 2019 2:02 am

In our relationship we started with defining the rules together, but after a few weeks she suggested to have no saying when it comes to rules. We talked about what this would mean but I still couldn't convince her that it would be better when we define the rules as a couple. I agreed to give it a try.

From this day on I make the rules and can change any rule to anything for whatever reason I want and she accepts it. In the beginning that felt very strange for me, but now I'm proud of her and very happy.

Before I make a final decision I ask her about her opinion on a given topic. Like "Do you think a sub should always address her HoH as Sir?". After I know her opinion I make the final decision. There are situations where I have a different opinion and where I think something is useful that she doesn't feel necessary or to difficult but even in this cases she followed the new rule and accepts any consequences if not.

From her point of view she says that she wants a HoH whom she can trust so much that he will not setup any rule that makes her unhappy. Because she can trust me, she can let it go and loves how I take care of all rules and decisions. She says it's exactly how she wants it to be and that she is very happy with this mode.

cleverlyme
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Re: Does the Sub have a say in what becomes a Rule?

Post by cleverlyme » Thu Mar 21, 2019 7:03 pm

In our house we do things a bit different. I am new to this forum but we have been doing DD for a few years.

My husband makes all the rules and I follow them. I don't have a say in the rules and I like it that way. I trust him with all of my heart so I know he would never make a rule just because. Most of our rules are things that effect our relationship or our family.

Examples... I can't drink at all(recovering alcoholic, I really don't need this rule but it makes him feel better to have it in place).

No cursing(we have a child and it's distasteful to him)

No keeping feelings and thoughts to myself, I have to share them. (I have a problem with keeping everything to myself until I break down, it's not healthy for me or us).

No body pillow in the bed(this one is because he loves to cuddle and hates anything between us, though I hate this rule because I love a body pillow I follow and respect it)

Other basics of course no lying, no disrespect...ect

We don't have a ton of rules but the rules he did make help keep a healthy home and relationship.

Goldilocks
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Location: Ohio

Re: Does the Sub have a say in what becomes a Rule?

Post by Goldilocks » Thu Mar 21, 2019 9:40 pm

We agreed on the rules together early on. But now he pretty much makes all new rules. They are all rules that benefit us. He did make a rule I can't smoke, either. And he dips. So at first I didn't think it was very fair, but now I am glad he did. It's been since October, and I just feel better all around. HOWEVER! I know how difficult it is to quit cold turkey and sometimes it's the worst method for some people. So I completely understand needing to quit at your own pace.
Other times its me asking him to make something a rule. They are usually small rules like not letting me twirl my hair. It doesn't bother him too much, but I have tied my hair in knots and had to cut them out or I would rip them out at the roots. I have asked him to help me quit this habit. He isn't as forceful about it as I need him to be at times, but when he notices, he definitely has me thinking twice about it for a little while.
Loving submissive wife to PapaBear.

Sam89
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Joined: Sun Feb 17, 2019 8:54 pm

Re: Does the Sub have a say in what becomes a Rule?

Post by Sam89 » Sat Mar 23, 2019 3:29 pm

Robin wrote:
Thu Mar 21, 2019 2:02 am
Before I make a final decision I ask her about her opinion on a given topic. Like "Do you think a sub should always address her HoH as Sir?". After I know her opinion I make the final decision. There are situations where I have a different opinion and where I think something is useful that she doesn't feel necessary or to difficult but even in this cases she followed the new rule and accepts any consequences if not.

From her point of view she says that she wants a HoH whom she can trust so much that he will not setup any rule that makes her unhappy. Because she can trust me, she can let it go and loves how I take care of all rules and decisions. She says it's exactly how she wants it to be and that she is very happy with this mode.
I understand this. It's good to ask her what she thinks before deciding, that's what M does with me. But ultimately it's her decision and I will obey because I trust her. What rules does she have she doesn't like?

Robin
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Re: Does the Sub have a say in what becomes a Rule?

Post by Robin » Sat Mar 23, 2019 7:28 pm

Sam89 wrote:
Sat Mar 23, 2019 3:29 pm
What rules does she have she doesn't like?
Of cause there are rule she likes more than others, but it's not these single rule she really dislikes but more that all rules apply at any time.

A good example is: She is not allowed to answer chat messages more often than once per hour before all tasks of the day are done without asking permission except during her lunch break.

Sam89
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Re: Does the Sub have a say in what becomes a Rule?

Post by Sam89 » Sat Mar 23, 2019 8:20 pm

Robin wrote:
Sat Mar 23, 2019 7:28 pm
A good example is: She is not allowed to answer chat messages more often than once per hour before all tasks of the day are done without asking permission except during her lunch break.
Oh ok I understand. I respect your decision for the rule but I understand why she wouldn't like that. I have time limits on my phone and sometimes I get it taken away until chores are finished. That would be hard only checking once an hour.

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DesertRose
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Re: Does the Sub have a say in what becomes a Rule?

Post by DesertRose » Tue Mar 26, 2019 1:22 pm

Even though this lifestyle is based on someone "taking charge", it's a team work and it should be that way. Whether the sub should have a say or not.. it depends on the dynamic a couple choose for themselves. For me, I would want to have a say regarding new rules, I would like my thoughts and feelings to be heard before making the final decision. However, once a final decision is made, I would obey .. otherwise, it would not be a DD marriage ;)
🌸 I want a husband who will love me enough to punish me.
DesertRose

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femalefirefighter
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Re: Does the Sub have a say in what becomes a Rule?

Post by femalefirefighter » Wed Apr 03, 2019 2:45 pm

Yes definitely or it would never work.

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Miras
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Re: Does the Sub have a say in what becomes a Rule?

Post by Miras » Wed Apr 03, 2019 2:49 pm

femalefirefighter wrote:
Wed Apr 03, 2019 2:45 pm
Yes definitely or it would never work.

FFF👩🏻‍🚒
I agree... And I want say hello! I think we two never interacted!
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