I am curious - and not yellow.

Please take your time and introduce yourself to us - why Domestic Discipline, are you married, how your relationship progressed...
Rand E
Posts: 41
Joined: Thu Jul 12, 2018 5:45 pm

Re: I am curious - and not yellow.

Post by Rand E » Fri Jul 13, 2018 12:04 pm

It's kind of a bad pun. I guess I figured the off-the-wall topic title would draw attention. ;)
Rand E wrote:
Fri Jul 13, 2018 1:50 am
I Am Curious (Yellow). An old Swedish film.

Lauren
Posts: 223
Joined: Sat Feb 03, 2018 6:45 pm
Location: Wisconsin

Re: I am curious - and not yellow.

Post by Lauren » Fri Jul 13, 2018 12:12 pm

The site is about half and half for people around the world.

So if you did decide to do DD, who are you thinking is going to be the HOH and who is going to be the submissive? I ask because you say you like to spank your wife but you have tried to get her to spank you as well.

Rand E
Posts: 41
Joined: Thu Jul 12, 2018 5:45 pm

Re: I am curious - and not yellow.

Post by Rand E » Fri Jul 13, 2018 3:01 pm

Now that I have done some research and read the posts, I do not think the typical DD relationship will work for us.

My wife and I like B&D, and most of the time, I'm the top, but being spanked really turns me on too. I guess that would make me more like the HoH, but really, what my wife and I do is far removed from what I see here as the typical DD relationship. Is there such a thing as a mutual DD arrangement with shared HoH responsibility?

I have never discussed spanking implements and techniques with anybody. Not even my wife. We just try stuff and see what happens. I have a lot of practice spanking my wife, but I've never compared notes with anybody. So the experience of participating in a discussion-thread on the topic is very new to me (in a good way).

So anyways, that's my non-DD relationship with my wife. But I hope you all don't mind me kibitzing on the site here. The DD topic is still interesting to me.

CassLynn
Posts: 580
Joined: Fri May 04, 2018 1:05 pm

Re: I am curious - and not yellow.

Post by CassLynn » Fri Jul 13, 2018 3:53 pm

The Spencer Spanking plan is a shared Hoh kind of thing. You make rules and you each enforce the other’s. Clint interviewed a couple doing that if you want to look that up on the site. Maybe your wife would be more excited to spank you if she could do it to punish you for doing something that really annoys her!

I’m pretty sure you would be welcome here just talking spankings and not DD. Some here use spanking for both intimacy and real discipline. Pretty much anything goes here except we get nervous when something seems like abuse or any kind of relationship where only one partner’s needs are important, and also spankos facetiously asking DD questions just to get off on the answers. For the time I’ve been here those things have gotten frowned upon. Correct me, everyone else, if I’ve got that wrong.

Kerry
Posts: 465
Joined: Wed Oct 04, 2017 11:54 pm
Location: Midwest US submissive female with male HoH partner

Re: I am curious - and not yellow.

Post by Kerry » Fri Jul 13, 2018 3:57 pm

I don’t think there is a typical dd relationship on this site. All relationships are very different and we’re pretty inclusive and enjoy a fresh set of ideas and opinions. I’m not even sure what my real motive is:)
Key

Lauren
Posts: 223
Joined: Sat Feb 03, 2018 6:45 pm
Location: Wisconsin

Re: I am curious - and not yellow.

Post by Lauren » Fri Jul 13, 2018 5:44 pm

From the few posts you have replied to and the one you have written, to be honest, I do not think DD is what you're looking for. It seems like you want more kink.

Rand E
Posts: 41
Joined: Thu Jul 12, 2018 5:45 pm

Re: I am curious - and not yellow.

Post by Rand E » Fri Jul 13, 2018 6:38 pm

Loren: Yes, I think you are right. I realize that DD as discussed on this forum is a very different kind of thing from kink.

But, I have had some sessions with my wife where she did something way wrong, I told her I was unhappy about it, and spanked the hell out of her - more for punishment than pleasure. Is this some kind of domestic discipline or just another variety of B&D role-playing? Esp. when we finish it up with make-up sex. Do the two things ever go together? I'm sure some couples in this forum who also like kink have dealt with some overlap there.

SweetlySurrendered
Posts: 18
Joined: Sun Jun 24, 2018 9:45 pm

Re: I am curious - and not yellow.

Post by SweetlySurrendered » Fri Jul 13, 2018 7:38 pm

Hi Rand and welcome! I think DD looks different for every couple, there may be some universal things that just work/don’t work, but a one-size-fits-all concept may not be the best way to approach this. I’ve not read any of your posts to be honest, but I think the big difference is that DD couples generally desire a power shift in their entire marriage. Again each couple is different, but my husband and I often connect sex and spankings, it’s just his call when/how much/how hard etc. We sometimes even have sex after I’m punished, if we have time and it seems right to him that we reconnect that way, but sometimes a hug, etc is more appropriate. I guess I’m trying to say that the sex overlap may certainly be there or may even change with each couple, but the point with DD (correct me if I’m off on this everyone) is that couples are aiming to use spanking as a physical (and yes sexy!) expression of a true shift in power/authority/headship throughout their whole relationship. A bit redundant but I’m out of time. Anyway welcome!

Rand E
Posts: 41
Joined: Thu Jul 12, 2018 5:45 pm

Re: I am curious - and not yellow.

Post by Rand E » Fri Jul 13, 2018 8:06 pm

There has been a bit of a recent shift in the dynamic of my marriage. Not a power shift as you call it - more like an evolving understanding. When my wife loaned some of OUR money to her useless sister without telling me, our next session was all about retribution for that. I hate to say it, but it was so damn exciting, I really didn't pay attention to the fact that it also put the issue to bed, so to speak. She was wrong. She knew she was wrong. She accepted her consequences. BTW: We use safe words - she could have stopped it at any time. And that was the end of it. No cloud of aggravation floating over us for weeks. No nasty remarks or sarcasm. Just judgment rendered and sentence carried out. And if I do something way wrong to her, I will be willing to answer for it the same way. Not sure if she would take me up on that. But, this hasn't happened yet 'cause I'm just so darn good. :D

CassLynn
Posts: 580
Joined: Fri May 04, 2018 1:05 pm

Re: I am curious - and not yellow.

Post by CassLynn » Sat Jul 14, 2018 12:14 am

It sounds like you had a DD moment. And your relationship could maybe just have some of those from now on if you don’t want to do it all the way. Some who do DD strictly separate sex from punishment but some do find it very sexy, like you did, to participate in a real punishment for a real transgression. My husband and I both get turned on by it and we find we can still get the benefits of DD’s structure. For me a punishment spanking is dreaded before and hated during and hurts afterwards, but also afterwards when I’ve paid for my crimes is when I get turned on and we frequently enjoy intimacy at that point.

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