Hello from a new guy

Please take your time and introduce yourself to us - why Domestic Discipline, are you married, how your relationship progressed...
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HoldsTheKey
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Jun 11, 2018 4:05 pm

Hello from a new guy

Post by HoldsTheKey » Mon Jun 11, 2018 4:08 pm

My wife and I recently entered a more formal domestic discipline agreement, by her choosing.

We've been together for 15 years, married for 9. We got along well, but like most couples suffered increasing arguments, bouts of miscommunication, and periods of angst towards each other as the years went on.

One fateful morning this year we were in the heat of an argument and I told my wife, who is soon going back to school, that I wish she put as much time and effort into our relationship and family that she did into her school. This was a lightbulb moment for us. She actually agreed with this, but said that she doesn't do well when there isn't structure or a plan in place. She is successful in school and attributes this to being someone who needs to be told what to do, to be given a plan. I asked her if she thought this sort of dynamic would be beneficial to our marriage. She said yes.

After some research on my end, I landed on the concept of domestic discipline (which I had never heard of before) and the rest is history. My wife now happily takes direction from me on most things. I write her a short letter every night that lays out what she needs to get done the next day. I wrote out a series of guidelines that dictates everything from her diet to the types of clothes she needs to be wearing and she follows it with dedication and focus. While we have discussed the possibility, we still have not incorporated punishments into the dynamic, though I have a feeling that those are on the horizon.

She is thriving. I am thriving. We've never been this happy and loving toward one another. Our relationship and sex life is thriving. It's quite literally the best thing that has every happened to us.

We still have a LOT of learning to do with this, but we're very excited about what the future holds.
Last edited by HoldsTheKey on Wed Jun 13, 2018 10:17 am, edited 4 times in total.

Lauren
Posts: 252
Joined: Sat Feb 03, 2018 6:45 pm
Location: Wisconsin

Re: Hello from a new guy

Post by Lauren » Mon Jun 11, 2018 4:40 pm

Welcome New Guy! lol

Is there a name we can call you?

CassLynn
Posts: 718
Joined: Fri May 04, 2018 1:05 pm

Re: Hello from a new guy

Post by CassLynn » Mon Jun 11, 2018 5:28 pm

Welcome. Great story. I’m so happy for your improved marriage and impressed that you took such initiative in your marriage on your own in the first place. In my opinion it’s possible to continue on as you are. I don’t think every sub/wife absolutely needs to be punished in order for this to work. Verbal reminders and check ups could work with a woman who’s very self disciplined and motivated. For many women/subs here the physical discipline is an essential element though because they need help with submission and staying on top of difficult goals and challenging rules. It also tends to increase intimacy and trust a great deal. Some benefit from it emotionally because it relieves stress and guilt and corrects bad attitudes.

Good luck in your continued practice! I look forward to hearing how things are going.

NateG
Posts: 577
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 7:34 pm
Location: Virginia

Re: Hello from a new guy

Post by NateG » Mon Jun 11, 2018 5:45 pm

Welcome!

Sounds great...glad you and your wife have found something that works. We have found it works really well for us too. Married 30 years and it has reinvigorated our marriage.

This is a good place to participate, learn and make friends...


Where are you from?

Nate

Lovely
Posts: 215
Joined: Sat May 05, 2018 6:37 pm

Re: Hello from a new guy

Post by Lovely » Mon Jun 11, 2018 11:22 pm

Welcome! Thanks for sharing your story. It certainly sounds like it's working for you both. I'm curious how long its been now since you implemented the structure into your marriage?

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KrystalA
Posts: 495
Joined: Thu Jan 11, 2018 4:11 pm

Re: Hello from a new guy

Post by KrystalA » Tue Jun 12, 2018 10:05 am

Welcome to the DD family!! I'm looking forward to reading your future posts and learn from them. My husband and I entered into DD last year. It has helped me. I like your name HoldTheKey, how did you come up with that name?
I want to change

HoldsTheKey
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Jun 11, 2018 4:05 pm

Re: Hello from a new guy

Post by HoldsTheKey » Tue Jun 12, 2018 11:31 am

Thanks everyone, glad to be here. To answer a few questions:
I like your name HoldTheKey, how did you come up with that name?
There was a key sitting on my desk when I registered, and I thought it was fitting as I feel like I hold the key to my wife's ability to be the best person she can be. There is an incredible, dedicated, empathetic, beautiful, empowered woman inside of her but she needs help letting that person shine. I hold that key for her. Similarly, I have found that—in our DD relationship—she holds that key for me as well, as I hold myself to the same standards I hold her to, and this gives me a level of accountability for my own actions that are greater than I would have without this dynamic, or without her. This is what marriage is about: building something that, together, is greater than the its two separate parts can be on their own.
I'm curious how long its been now since you implemented the structure into your marriage?
There has been some unspoken element to our marriage since day one, but it's only been within the last month that we made it "official" and entered a more formative agreement. We are essentially DD babies. We are considering this first month as a trial, and after it is over will reassess and put together a longer term agreement based on our thoughts and feelings.
Where you from?
We are from the Midwest, U.S.A.
I don’t think every sub/wife absolutely needs to be punished in order for this to work. Verbal reminders and check ups could work with a woman who’s very self disciplined and motivated.
Good to hear. This is how we're operating currently. I do get the feeling that she needs punishments for this to ultimately work though. She does not want to let me down, which is a powerful motivator, but not powerful enough for her I don't think. But I will leave that up to her to tell me what she needs to be ultimately successful and support her either way.
Is there a name we can call you?
HoldsTheKey is good enough for now! :)

CassLynn
Posts: 718
Joined: Fri May 04, 2018 1:05 pm

Re: Hello from a new guy

Post by CassLynn » Tue Jun 12, 2018 12:02 pm

What you expressed is beautiful and I whole heartedly agree. And if she does choose to try punishments I think you will find that they are just as you said: powerful—in terms of changing behavior, deepening submission and increasing trust, intimacy, and closeness.

Lavendar
Posts: 69
Joined: Tue May 08, 2018 7:28 pm

Re: Hello from a new guy

Post by Lavendar » Wed Jun 13, 2018 12:06 am

HoldsTheKey wrote:
Tue Jun 12, 2018 11:31 am


Good to hear. This is how we're operating currently. I do get the feeling that she needs punishments for this to ultimately work though. She does not want to let me down, which is a powerful motivator, but not powerful enough for her I don't think. But I will leave that up to her to tell me what she needs to be ultimately successful and support her either way.
That's essentially my position. I asked for this in my marriage, and he agreed. I'd already tried to adapt myself to things I knew he needed, but consistency was a big problem for me. I found myself getting disappointed in myself for letting him down, and the guilt became tough.

I asked for spankings because it allows us to move on quickly, and it's a pretty darn good reminder to stay on top of my responsibilities. It's an external motivator when my internal motivation fails. I like to think of it as him catching me before I can fall too far. Because when I do fall, the self doubt and guilt can be overwhelming. He's able to help me pull it back together, and we move on with life stronger and more connected as a partnership.
Lavendar :)

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