Thank you for giving me a place to belong

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Sassyclouds
Posts: 138
Joined: Tue Oct 30, 2018 2:20 pm
Location: USA

Re: Thank you for giving me a place to belong

Post by Sassyclouds » Tue Jan 14, 2020 8:23 pm

He was trying to get me to not fight the Separation Agreement that I signed under duress by him and without reading it first...i signed like 15 minutes after he gave it to me. I didn't even know our almost 19 yrs together was over, until he handed me those papers. I was in shock. Devastated. Confused. Crying so much. Begging him not to leave, etc. Anyway, I gave him almost everything, apparently. I even signed away Alimony. I was not working. I had been a stay at home mom for over 10 yrs. We have a 10 and 5 yr old. Our 5 yr old has special needs. He refuses to see or talk to them. He won't pay child support. He'll probably go to jail. So, it's hard to get Separation Agreement papers thrown out. The Judge believed me. Thank God πŸ™ He got up on the stand and lied so much. It hurt. He hates me so much. Wow. He cheated on me and left me for a girl half our age!! Anyway, I got Alimony, if he'll actually pay it πŸ˜₯

I had called his bluff. I told him go ahead and tell. He also told his father and his lawyer and my lawyer that I forced him to spank me for discipline. Omg!! Lies!! I was embarrassed around my lawyer the first time I saw him after he found out my husband spanked me πŸ˜† well, he was really nice. I'm kinda happy lol.. I mean, it's been a secret for so long. I will be humiliated if my father ever found out 😲
Here to learn more πŸ˜‰
Here to share my experiences
Here to help 😊
& Be helped πŸ™
I HAD DD ❀
DD WAS SO SPECIAL TO ME
I miss having an HOH πŸ˜”

Rand E
Posts: 326
Joined: Thu Jul 12, 2018 5:45 pm
Location: Los Angeles

Re: Thank you for giving me a place to belong

Post by Rand E » Wed Jan 15, 2020 1:03 am

oldfashionedwife wrote: ↑
Tue Jan 14, 2020 3:23 pm
Why does this have to be so complicated ? In some ways it's like being gay and trying to meet someone without everyone knowing that your gay...Do you know what I mean ? I was born this way, I've tried to deny it, I've kept it a secret, most people would not understand and I would most likely be put into therapy...
Your DD needs are not a pathology. Don't let the "experts" convince you there is something wrong with you.

My wife and I keep this a secret from everyone, including parents, kids, friends, even therapists. I know where you are coming from about feeling judged. We keep it a secret for practical reasons because society has a long way to go before it will accept this lifestyle, if ever. In the meantime, it is simply wise to be discrete and careful.

But we have to be true to our hearts. Never feel lesser of yourself for it.

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Sassyclouds
Posts: 138
Joined: Tue Oct 30, 2018 2:20 pm
Location: USA

Re: Thank you for giving me a place to belong

Post by Sassyclouds » Wed Jan 15, 2020 10:25 am

Rand E wrote: ↑
Wed Jan 15, 2020 1:03 am
oldfashionedwife wrote: ↑
Tue Jan 14, 2020 3:23 pm
Why does this have to be so complicated ? In some ways it's like being gay and trying to meet someone without everyone knowing that your gay...Do you know what I mean ? I was born this way, I've tried to deny it, I've kept it a secret, most people would not understand and I would most likely be put into therapy...
Your DD needs are not a pathology. Don't let the "experts" convince you there is something wrong with you.

My wife and I keep this a secret from everyone, including parents, kids, friends, even therapists. I know where you are coming from about feeling judged. We keep it a secret for practical reasons because society has a long way to go before it will accept this lifestyle, if ever. In the meantime, it is simply wise to be discrete and careful.

But we have to be true to our hearts. Never feel lesser of yourself for it.

I agree with Rand E. However, my soon to be ex, told my father-in-law and his lawyer, who told my lawyer, that the main reason Mike is going to claim for divorce is that I "made him" spank me for discipline and that it "disgusted him".

So, I was embarrassed. I was scared. But, I have to go to trial. My kids and I have nothing. My soon to be ex, made good money and I have been a stay at home mom since 2008. I made minimum wage when I last worked. Childcare is too expensive and it's hard to find someone to watch a 5 yr old on a 1 yr level with Down Syndrome. Mike refuses to help. He refuses to see or talk to them. His rich daddy helps him out, he's so spoiled. His daddy turned on us 3. This has been so hard for my 10 yr old πŸ˜₯

We 3 moved out of the family home. I loved my house of 15 yrs. I couldn't afford it. Well, Mike moved him and his mistress turned live in girlfriend in our house. The Judge ordered our house to be put on the market in February 2020, that is next month!!

My point was/is, we don't all have the ability to keep our DD lifestyle a secret. I'm scared when divorce court finally comes. Is he really going to say that in court? It's all lies. I never forced him to spank me. He's so much bigger and stronger than me. He controlled everything in our 19 yrs together. We didn't even try DD until we had been married almost 17 yrs.

So, I can let him have everything or go through with this to get, at least, a fair divorce. I can let him see I'm scared, or I can just accept what's going to happen. I am so happy that my lawyer knowing has not made me uncomfortable around him. I Thank God, my lawyer still wanted to be my lawyer. My lawyer went on to win. Getting the awful Separation Agreement thrown out was just the first step.

I pray to God that NO ONE ELSE, especially my kids and my family, find out my husband spanked me. But, if it happens, I will just have to deal...accept...smile 😊
Here to learn more πŸ˜‰
Here to share my experiences
Here to help 😊
& Be helped πŸ™
I HAD DD ❀
DD WAS SO SPECIAL TO ME
I miss having an HOH πŸ˜”

oldfashionedwife
Posts: 31
Joined: Mon Jun 17, 2019 8:06 pm

Re: Thank you for giving me a place to belong

Post by oldfashionedwife » Wed Jan 15, 2020 2:31 pm

I am so sorry Sassy...It's one thing for adults to go thru the divorce but then for him to ignore the kids , the grandparent ignores the kids...That is just uncalled for. I think the reason your ex brought up the spanking is to humiliate you and so that you won't want to show up for the proceedings...Don't let him win...You didn't do anything wrong ! (((HUGS)))

Lee C
Posts: 75
Joined: Fri Oct 11, 2019 9:26 pm
Location: Northeast US

Re: Thank you for giving me a place to belong

Post by Lee C » Wed Jan 15, 2020 8:10 pm

Rand E wrote: ↑
Wed Jan 15, 2020 1:03 am
oldfashionedwife wrote: ↑
Tue Jan 14, 2020 3:23 pm
Why does this have to be so complicated ? In some ways it's like being gay and trying to meet someone without everyone knowing that your gay...Do you know what I mean ? I was born this way, I've tried to deny it, I've kept it a secret, most people would not understand and I would most likely be put into therapy...
Your DD needs are not a pathology. Don't let the "experts" convince you there is something wrong with you.

My wife and I keep this a secret from everyone, including parents, kids, friends, even therapists. I know where you are coming from about feeling judged. We keep it a secret for practical reasons because society has a long way to go before it will accept this lifestyle, if ever. In the meantime, it is simply wise to be discrete and careful.

But we have to be true to our hearts. Never feel lesser of yourself for it.
Really great response!
My dream is to love my wife and be loved by her and I am willing to submit to her disciplinary authority so that I can be the best I can be to serve her and others.

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Sassyclouds
Posts: 138
Joined: Tue Oct 30, 2018 2:20 pm
Location: USA

Re: Thank you for giving me a place to belong

Post by Sassyclouds » Wed Jan 15, 2020 9:49 pm

oldfashionedwife wrote: ↑
Wed Jan 15, 2020 2:31 pm
I am so sorry Sassy...It's one thing for adults to go thru the divorce but then for him to ignore the kids , the grandparent ignores the kids...That is just uncalled for. I think the reason your ex brought up the spanking is to humiliate you and so that you won't want to show up for the proceedings...Don't let him win...You didn't do anything wrong ! (((HUGS)))
Thank you. I will go to court and see him again. I really don't know or like the man my husband turned into. Everyone says I need to get over my love for him. Trust me, I have zero love for this horrible/cruel man my soon to be ex husband became. My only problem is I want him to still love our little kids πŸ˜₯ I would let him see them if he asked.
Here to learn more πŸ˜‰
Here to share my experiences
Here to help 😊
& Be helped πŸ™
I HAD DD ❀
DD WAS SO SPECIAL TO ME
I miss having an HOH πŸ˜”

Rand E
Posts: 326
Joined: Thu Jul 12, 2018 5:45 pm
Location: Los Angeles

Re: Thank you for giving me a place to belong

Post by Rand E » Wed Jan 15, 2020 10:33 pm

Sassyclouds wrote: ↑
Wed Jan 15, 2020 10:25 am

So, I can let him have everything or go through with this to get, at least, a fair divorce. I can let him see I'm scared, or I can just accept what's going to happen. I am so happy that my lawyer knowing has not made me uncomfortable around him. I Thank God, my lawyer still wanted to be my lawyer. My lawyer went on to win. Getting the awful Separation Agreement thrown out was just the first step.

I pray to God that NO ONE ELSE, especially my kids and my family, find out my husband spanked me. But, if it happens, I will just have to deal...accept...smile 😊
That is just so awful. I'm so sorry that you have been put in this position. There is something about our adversarial legal system that just brings out the worst in people.

I know it's hard to deal with the emotions, but try to stay sharp and stay clear. Listen to your lawyer and carefully think everything through.

And I apologize if this seems stark, but litigation is a tough brutal process. Try your best to be tough and stand up for yourself. Fight it, not just for yourself, but for your kids. Don't let this beat you down. Get angry. Stay angry. Until this is over, anger is your friend.

Lauren
Posts: 979
Joined: Sat Feb 03, 2018 6:45 pm
Location: Wisconsin

Re: Thank you for giving me a place to belong

Post by Lauren » Wed Jan 15, 2020 10:57 pm

I would not suggest anger. Stay with the facts and be the bigger person. But do not come off bitter and angry. Especially in front of the judge.

Rand E
Posts: 326
Joined: Thu Jul 12, 2018 5:45 pm
Location: Los Angeles

Re: Thank you for giving me a place to belong

Post by Rand E » Thu Jan 16, 2020 4:03 am

Lauren wrote: ↑
Wed Jan 15, 2020 10:57 pm
I would not suggest anger. Stay with the facts and be the bigger person. But do not come off bitter and angry. Especially in front of the judge.
Sometimes, there is strength in anger. It's a fine line. But it is your best weapon against despair. Use it. Channel it. Just don't let it consume you.

But Lauren is also right. You're lawyer will coach you about the hearings and meetings. Stay cool and stay in control. Focus on the details and what you have to do. And above all, stay strong.

Lee C
Posts: 75
Joined: Fri Oct 11, 2019 9:26 pm
Location: Northeast US

Re: Thank you for giving me a place to belong

Post by Lee C » Thu Jan 16, 2020 9:06 am

Rand E wrote: ↑
Thu Jan 16, 2020 4:03 am
Lauren wrote: ↑
Wed Jan 15, 2020 10:57 pm
I would not suggest anger. Stay with the facts and be the bigger person. But do not come off bitter and angry. Especially in front of the judge.
Sometimes, there is strength in anger. It's a fine line. But it is your best weapon against despair. Use it. Channel it. Just don't let it consume you.

But Lauren is also right. You're lawyer will coach you about the hearings and meetings. Stay cool and stay in control. Focus on the details and what you have to do. And above all, stay strong.
The anger can give you strength "behind the scenes" as it were. But Lauren is right. In court, you want to be super calm and rational. The less you say, the better. Let your lawyer speak for you unless asked directly. If you're anything like me, once my mouth starts, it ALL comes out. The good, but especially the bad. I don't represent myself very well under those kinds of circumstances.

This is a theory on my part, but I wonder if a judge will be looking for some aspect of self-control as a deciding factor in making a final decision. I know from my own experience who the "lunatics" are in my life and I wouldn't trust them with anything important, either to me or society in general if it were my sole decision to make. So I can't speak with authority about any judge but I would think that understanding might help me to be more in control if I were in the same situation as you. If he sees who the "lunatic" is, I would sure hope that works in your favor.

A friend went through a divorce and he convinced himself (or his lawyer did) to keep quiet during proceedings. His ex took the opposite approach. She just kept digging herself deeper and deeper into a hole until he got sole custody of the kids eventually. There was a lot more to it than that of course, but (assuming he was being truthful), her behavior did more damage, or just as much, as the actual circumstances and events that were brought out.!

One last thought: the S.O.B. abused you and left you for another woman. If I were the judge, I wouldn't need to hear anything else. :evil:

There are people who care about you and those of us on this forum have the added benefit to you of understanding this DD aspect of who you are.

So keep your chin up, do your best to follow your lawyer's advice, listen more than speak (my downfall!), take solace in your daughters, and pray. Above all else, pray!
My dream is to love my wife and be loved by her and I am willing to submit to her disciplinary authority so that I can be the best I can be to serve her and others.

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