Hello from Austria!

Please take your time and introduce yourself to us - why Domestic Discipline, are you married, how your relationship progressed...
Chris_Styria
Posts: 7
Joined: Tue Dec 01, 2020 11:15 pm

Hello from Austria!

Post by Chris_Styria » Tue Dec 01, 2020 11:43 pm

Good morning,

My name is Christoph. I am 39 years old and live with my wife in the south of Austria. We have been married now for nine years and have three wonderful children.
I am working full time as a medical doctor and my wife stays at home with our smallest daughter at the moment.
Nevertheless I am also doing most of the household chores, because our relationship has become a kind of female led relationship dynamic over the last months. To be totally honest this is also driven by the fact that I have from time to time submissive feelings towards my wife.
However, we are struggling a lot at the moment. My wife needs a lot of help in deciding the important decisions in our family life and I feel that she needs guidance to lead our family in the right direction. But I am running out of time to think about the important tasks adequately or inform myself because my energy is bound with making the household chores.
We also had some kind of traditional domestic discipline relationship some time ago with me being the HoH and it was very harmonic and peaceful.
I think it is a very difficult situation now with my history of submission towards my wife, but for the welfare of all members of our family I have the duty to take again my responsibility as head of our family.
I read a lot in the open part of this forum during the last days and I think your experience could be a big help for me to be caring, consistent and consequent on this mission.

Best regards!
Christoph

Emily
Posts: 593
Joined: Fri Nov 08, 2019 3:49 am
Location: UK

Re: Hello from Austria!

Post by Emily » Wed Dec 02, 2020 1:34 am

Welcome! :) I hope you'll find the support and advice you're looking for here.
Happily married to the most wonderful and loving guy! 💖💖💖

Olivia
Posts: 886
Joined: Mon Nov 25, 2019 11:09 am

Re: Hello from Austria!

Post by Olivia » Wed Dec 02, 2020 6:47 am

Welcome!!!

BillW
Posts: 56
Joined: Mon Nov 09, 2020 12:23 pm

Re: Hello from Austria!

Post by BillW » Wed Dec 02, 2020 12:01 pm

Welcome !

My two cents worth of advice is that it takes a long time to turn an aircraft carrier around and get it going in the opposite direction. Small, incremental changes get the job done. Start with something that's specific and easy. When that's going well, address the next issue. Slow and steady gets you where you want to be.

Praying for your (plural) success in getting your lives straightened out.

AWE_1993
Posts: 255
Joined: Tue Sep 29, 2020 7:25 pm

Re: Hello from Austria!

Post by AWE_1993 » Wed Dec 02, 2020 2:48 pm

Welcome!

I think a good conversation with a lot of honesty from both of you can get you started on fixing the issues you've been having, maybe she has things she wants to address as well? Hope you guys find your way to peace again and that you find good advice here too.

Alice

Firmand
Posts: 81
Joined: Sun Nov 08, 2020 11:27 am
Location: UK

Re: Hello from Austria!

Post by Firmand » Wed Dec 02, 2020 6:38 pm

Hi Christoph! Wishing both yourself and your good lady a warm welcome to the Forum, your renewed desire to lead is a most noble one, your leadership will greatly strengthen, invigorate and renew your home life and marriage together and lead to that peace and joy which are the hallmarks of a relationship solidly built upon the correct principles of manly leadership, wifely submission, and mutual love, respect, sacrifice, service, understanding and patience one with another...facilitated by the clear and frequent and intimate vocal, emotional and physical contact and communication which DD calls forth and facilitates.

Plenty of detailed advice and fruits of personal experience are available to you both on here, but as an initial actionable point you may consider each producing privately and separately (without prompting or collusion) a list of say 6 or 8 or 10 expectations/principles/behaviours/attributes/attitudes/responses/outcomes etc. which are most important to you both?

You could both take say 7 to 10 days to consider, study, reflect and work concurrently and privately on these, then bring your individual lists to the table for discussion in order to identify, under your leadership, which points will be initially addressed, and how. Simplicity, with the identification of key principles and some but not too many concrete rules which satisfy those principles, may be key in facilitating early progress without taxing either the memory or management time of either party as you adjust and settle in together...in peace and clarity of mind and love.

You have found the right place for peace and joy together!

PS Neither of you need fret over the rudimentary or imperfect nature of any initial agreement/understanding, the love and care that you both put into it will be felt by you both :) , just try to BE CONSISTENT ;)
Forgive my errors...and any and every good thing comes from Him whose loving Almighty hand can guide even me, through His Holy Spirit, and His Son my Saviour Jesus Christ:

"In him was life; and the life was the light of men."(John 1:4)

Paul_PWE
Posts: 34
Joined: Sat Nov 28, 2020 4:39 pm

Re: Hello from Austria!

Post by Paul_PWE » Wed Dec 02, 2020 6:53 pm

Hello,

Your position is very relatable. My marriage has never been female led but my wife is quite the strong-headed one, I had to think a lot on how to approach her to make her step down for me. You already have a head start for having done it before and I am sure some well done communication will help you to take control of your marriage and your family back again.

Pink cheeks
Posts: 396
Joined: Sat May 30, 2020 12:20 pm
Location: Arizona

Re: Hello from Austria!

Post by Pink cheeks » Wed Dec 02, 2020 8:09 pm

Welcome and best wishes for success.

Chris_Styria
Posts: 7
Joined: Tue Dec 01, 2020 11:15 pm

Re: Hello from Austria!

Post by Chris_Styria » Wed Dec 02, 2020 11:49 pm

Thank you for your warm welcome and for the important comments I already got from you!!!

Actually taking the leadership position in my job is quite normal for me and feels very good with the intention to get the things done - fast and correct.
At home I struggle much more. Our relationship is based on deep mutual love. Both of us want to life in an environment of harmony and joy and we want to give our children a good and safe place to grow up.
During the phase when we already practiced a traditional domestic discipline marriage our home was filled with love, harmony and fun.

My wife is a beautiful, intelligent woman and very strong minded - that's the reason why I married her.
We were quite advanced in our relationship with discipline and spanking if she broke the rules.
However I have observed several times that it was very difficult for her to submit to a punishment primarily. She discussed a lot - I never punished her when we did not had full consent over the fact that she deserved it. During the punishment her whole behavior changed and she became very submissive and afterwards she was totally relaxed and grounded. So I was sure that we were going in the right direction with our relationship.

However she was maybe too proud to accept my leadership and her submission totally and started to seduce me to change the positions (at the beginning mainly in the bedroom). To be honest it was great in the first time! But somehow I also felt that it was wrong and I think she felt it too because she never had this deep fulfillment as she experienced when I was on top.
But we went on in this direction and she started to decide most of the things at home and I made the practical chores. A real female led relationship.
At the moment we have a reconstruction at our house and she decided all the important issues and also made the negotiation with the companies. What shell I say? It will look great put there a some really important issues that we will get the quality we pay for and this I told her. She was quite angry about me and complaint that I was not interested in the beginning and that this is a man's job - quite right I thing. So I renegotiated with the companies some important issues and also had some quite tough discussions but now the quality will be fine. But it would have been much easier if I had made this form the beginning because in some points I actually had really only poor arguments why I insist on the better quality when "we" as building-owner agreed to make it the easier way for the company first.
This opened my eyes, that we are going in the wrong direction and that it is a big weakness from me to submit to a sexual desire and to let this dictate our relationship.

So as written above I have to change the direction of our "relation"-ship again to bring back real joy and harmony to our home. It was my fault to submit to her. And deep in her heart I know from our last discussions that she feels the same but it is difficult for her to admit to this fact.
I hope with consistency and self-discipline and love and understanding and good communication I can manage it. But it will not be an easy task.

best regards

Chris_Styria
Posts: 7
Joined: Tue Dec 01, 2020 11:15 pm

Re: Hello from Austria!

Post by Chris_Styria » Wed Dec 02, 2020 11:52 pm

P.s. I am very sorry but as I am no native speaker it is quite difficult for me to express this topic adequatly - but I try my best. If something is very misunderstanding please inform me. This would also be a great teaching point for me.
Thank you!

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