Reasons for Spanking

Spanking and Domestic Discipline
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Award01
Posts: 56
Joined: Thu Sep 10, 2020 1:01 am

Reasons for Spanking

Post by Award01 » Fri Sep 11, 2020 12:40 am

My husband and I are new to the DD lifestyle and I have to say I'm really shocked for the reasons husbands are spanking their wives. I really don't understand the need to punish someone for misplacing something, other than maybe if a child was in their care or rent money was lost, but even then we all make mistakes, including HoHs. If they lost something nothing would happen. The reason my husband and I are trying this lifestyle is so that we recognize our roles. He is naturally a loving husband, but because he has not really led me I've always been the one wearing the pants and I hate that. At heart I want to submit to him, but I've never really seen him as an authority because he has always given into my wants regardless of what his are. Granted I've acted like a brat most of our marriage and he was over arguing. So he has 2 rules for me. I have to show him respect and I cannot spend money without first budgeting and I have to speak with him first when it comes to big purchases. If I disrespect him in private he'll give me a warning and if I continue he will spank me. If I disrespect him in front of people, there is no warning and he'll spank me later. If I don't budget when I go to the store and spend too much or don't consult with him first on how much something I would like to buy that is expensive that is an automatic spanking. He does not want to be a dictator and I don't want that either. He doesn't pick out my clothes for me, I've been capable of dressing myself since I was 4. I don't need to hand over all of my independence. Some women and men want that kind of dynamic and that is their business, whatever works for them. All we are trying to do is create peace and harmony in our house. Respect is critical to a man as love is critical to a woman. Husbands, your wives want to feel your authority come across but in a loving consistent manner. You don't always have to show you're the boss though. You should consider her as the weaker vessel, the feminine one. If you want your wife to be more feminine in the way she acts, you need to be more masculine. You need to know how to balance this. You can't be overbearing and harsh. Even when she disrespects you and you discipline her, you're tone needs to show you're serious but also that you love her. You love her enough to correct her, but to the proper degree. You don't beat her or make her feel beneath you. You both have different roles. You are the food and she is the water or vise versa. No one would say one is more important than the other, for they both are vital. Is helping with dishes if she's had a hard day with the kids or doesn't feel well beneath you? Show her that you care how she feels. Cuddle her, tickle her (I think most girls love being tickled), make her feel wanted, pin her up against a wall (because she's a masterpiece) and take her (obviously read the tone and you'll know if you have consent). And as you do these things while also being firm on the expectations you set forth, she'll be able to let down the walls and be completely vulnerable with you because she knows you won't hurt her. Even when and if you spank her, that is not to cause the most pain, that would be sadistic. It's to show that you do have the authority to correct her when she violates the rules you have set and agreed upon. And after, she will probably feel so dainty and loved and oh so attracted to you because she wants that authoritative man that can spank her when she's out of line and then scoop her up in his arms for some aftercare. I think there is heat (literally lol) and passion in this dynamic if it's done correctly. But the relationship can't revolve around punishment. It should really be a small part of your marriage.
Last edited by Award01 on Fri Sep 11, 2020 6:54 am, edited 1 time in total.

Jacob HF
Posts: 87
Joined: Sun Jul 19, 2020 10:53 am
Location: Sacramento, CA

Re: Reasons for Spanking

Post by Jacob HF » Fri Sep 11, 2020 2:16 am

Wow, I have so many thoughts that I could write all night. I think I am going to keep it to two points though.

They are both my opinion and relate to my experiences and are not intended to disrespect anyone who does things differently.
Award01 wrote:
Fri Sep 11, 2020 12:40 am
My husband and I are new to the DD lifestyle and I have to say I'm really shocked for the reasons husbands are spanking their wives. I really don't understand the need to punish someone for misplacing something, other than maybe if a child was in their care or rent money was lost, but even then we all make mistakes, including HoHs. If they lost something nothing would happen.
I did not have a prescribed list of rules with my wife. There were several things that accumulated over time that were ongoing expectations. In general, I expected her to simply do what I ask. Consequences, if any, would be totally circumstances based and unless there was a trend developing I usually didn't do anything except talk to her about whatever it was.

What I did have was three things that I made clear were so important to me that there would always be some kind of imposed consequence. These were Deception, Defiance, and Blasphemy.

Deception - Lying to me or concealing relevant facts, a marriage must be based on trust.
Defiance - Mere disobedience can be caused by carelessness or error. Defiance more than that, it is a blatant act of the will refusing to submit (i.e. saying "no").
Blasphemy - Disrespecting the name of God by using it in a careless or dishonorable way.

I personally would not spank for misplacing something, but I may if there became a pattern of carelessness that resulted in misplacing things.
Award01 wrote:
Fri Sep 11, 2020 12:40 am
The reason my husband and I are trying this lifestyle is so that we recognize our roles. He is naturally a loving husband, but because he has not really led me I've always been the one wearing the pants and I hate that. At heart I want to submit to him, but I've never really seen him as an authority because he has always given into my wants regardless of what his are. Granted I've acted like a brat most of our marriage and he was over arguing.
We were created by God for a man to lead his family. However in the corruption that comes with sin we both have a tendency to depart from that intention.

Wives have a tendency to seek independence, equality, and even leadership. How they go about it differs from person to person but it can include manipulation or disrespect or simply a rejection of headship.

Husbands, on the other hand, tend most often to become passive. We like to "go with the flow" and not assert ourselves until things get bad. This is especially true with a person like our wife: we love her and want to give her everything. Then we tend to reach a point where things become so frustrating that we lash out, forgetting our love, and become tyrants and bullies.

What is necessary to overcome both person's errors is open communication, loving asertiveness on the part of the husband, and respectful submission on the part of the wife. In that context any tension can get resolved as early as possible, before it builds up. Both people can be content in their God-designed roles.

DD is not a requirement of this arangement, but many people find it helpful to bring about open communication and consistent loving leadership and submission.

--Jacob
Last edited by Jacob HF on Fri Sep 11, 2020 4:35 am, edited 1 time in total.

WishingforDD
Posts: 54
Joined: Mon Dec 02, 2019 8:08 am

Re: Reasons for Spanking

Post by WishingforDD » Fri Sep 11, 2020 3:04 am

Jacob HF wrote:
Fri Sep 11, 2020 2:16 am
Wow, I have so many thoughts that I could write all night. I think I am going to keep it to two points though.

They are both my opinion and relate to my experiences and are not intended to disrespect anyone who does things differently.
Award01 wrote:
Fri Sep 11, 2020 12:40 am
My husband and I are new to the DD lifestyle and I have to say I'm really shocked for the reasons husbands are spanking their wives. I really don't understand the need to punish someone for misplacing something, other than maybe if a child was in their care or rent money was lost, but even then we all make mistakes, including HoHs. If they lost something nothing would happen.
I did not have a prescribed list of rules with my wife. There were several things that accumulated over time that were ongoing expectations. In general, I expected her to simply do what I ask. Consequences, if any, would be totally circumstances based and unless there was a trend developing I usually didn't do anything except talk to her about whatever it was.

What I did have was three things that I made clear were so important to me that there would always be some kind of imposed consequence. These were Deception, Defiance, and Blasphemy.

Deception - Living to me or concealing relevant facts, a marriage must be based on trust.
Defiance - Mere disobedience can be caused by carelessness or error. Defiance more than that, it is a blatant act of the will refusing to submit (i.e. saying "no").
Blasphemy - Disrespecting the name of God by using it in a careless or dishonorable way.

I personally would not spank for misplacing something, but I may if there became a pattern of carelessness that resulted in misplacing things.
Award01 wrote:
Fri Sep 11, 2020 12:40 am
The reason my husband and I are trying this lifestyle is so that we recognize our roles. He is naturally a loving husband, but because he has not really led me I've always been the one wearing the pants and I hate that. At heart I want to submit to him, but I've never really seen him as an authority because he has always given into my wants regardless of what his are. Granted I've acted like a brat most of our marriage and he was over arguing.
We were created by God for a man to lead his family. However in the corruption that comes with sin we both have a tendency to depart from that intention.

Wives have a tendency to seek independence, equality, and even leadership. How they go about it differs from person to person but it can include manipulation or disrespect or simply a rejection of headship.

Husbands, on the other hand, tend most often to become passive. We like to "go with the flow" and not assert ourselves until things get bad. This is especially true with a person like our wife: we love her and want to give her everything. Then we tend to reach a point where things become so frustrating that we lash out, forgetting our love, and become tyrants and bullies.

What is necessary to overcome both person's errors is open communication, loving asertiveness on the part of the husband, and respectful submission on the part of the wife. In that context any tension can get resolved as early as possible, before it builds up. Both people can be content in their God-designed roles.

DD is not a requirement of this arangement, but many people find it helpful to bring about open communication and consistent loving leadership and submission.

--Jacob
I must say I loved how you described this. You’ve got great insight to this. I am not living this lifestyle, but want to. And the way you describe things, gives me confirmation that this is truly a great way to live. I do believe women feel better when they can happily submit.

For me I think DD would bring harmony and a way if clearly establishing roles.

I wouldn’t want to be punished for misplacing things either. But having those basic rules makes sense. For me honesty, complete honesty, is so important.

And I do think many women, my included, feel safer when the man shows his leadership.

Award01
Posts: 56
Joined: Thu Sep 10, 2020 1:01 am

Re: Reasons for Spanking

Post by Award01 » Fri Sep 11, 2020 6:46 am

Jacob HF,

Thank you for your thoughts. I like that you said unless there was a trend developing you wouldn't do anything except talk to her. I think for a lot of people, women who bring this lifestyle up, they want to have that deep respect for their husbands and because that has been lacking for so long we feel that if our husband can start being assertive and follow through on consequences we can build that respect back up. It's kind of a quick fix to seeing him as an authority. I think that is the appeal, but it will take time for a man to really step into that kind of leadership especially after being passive for so long.

TatJ
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Sep 10, 2020 5:49 pm

Re: Reasons for Spanking

Post by TatJ » Mon Sep 14, 2020 9:46 pm

Absolutely fantastic summary. That is exactly what my husband and I are attempting.

TatJ
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Sep 10, 2020 5:49 pm

Re: Reasons for Spanking

Post by TatJ » Mon Sep 14, 2020 9:57 pm

Way to go, Jacob. We wholeheartedly agree with you, as well.

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DesertRose
Posts: 565
Joined: Sun Jul 22, 2018 1:34 pm

Re: Reasons for Spanking

Post by DesertRose » Wed Sep 16, 2020 9:15 am

I think DD is not a black and white lifestyle. So there are no fixed reasons for spanking. Each couple would decided what is punishable and what is not based on the issues they face.

For instance, if spending money without permission is punishable for you, it might not be for other couples simply because they don't have this issue or maybe they believe it's not necessary.

On the other hand, others might punish for losing stuff, simply because it's a bad habit due to carelessness, so it needs to stop.

Reasons for spanking vary from couple to couple.
🌸 I want a husband who will love me enough to punish me.
DesertRose

junebug2005
Posts: 123
Joined: Thu Jul 23, 2020 7:45 am

Re: Reasons for Spanking

Post by junebug2005 » Wed Sep 16, 2020 10:28 am

DesertRose wrote:
Wed Sep 16, 2020 9:15 am
I think DD is not a black and white lifestyle. So there are no fixed reasons for spanking. Each couple would decided what is punishable and what is not based on the issues they face.

For instance, if spending money without permission is punishable for you, it might not be for other couples simply because they don't have this issue or maybe they believe it's not necessary.

On the other hand, others might punish for losing stuff, simply because it's a bad habit due to carelessness, so it needs to stop.

Reasons for spanking vary from couple to couple.
So much this. We really use the 4 D’s for rules (nothing dangerous, disobedient, disrespectful, or dishonest) but my rules we’ve spelled out are all areas of that where I know I struggle, I know that he also doesn’t like those actions, and I want to improve. In 6 weeks I’ve had exactly 2 punishments. I have, however, had a good number of maintenance and reminders. For me, that reminder is enough to help me stay focused on becoming a better me instead of falling back to old habits. I would much prefer weekly maintenance and a reminder or two to the weight of knowing that I broke a rule that I agreed to and being punished.
June Bug
happy to love and obey my husband

Jacob HF
Posts: 87
Joined: Sun Jul 19, 2020 10:53 am
Location: Sacramento, CA

Re: Reasons for Spanking

Post by Jacob HF » Wed Sep 16, 2020 4:32 pm

junebug2005 wrote:
Wed Sep 16, 2020 10:28 am
I would much prefer weekly maintenance and a reminder or two to the weight of knowing that I broke a rule that I agreed to and being punished.
What is the difference between maintenance and reminder?

--Jacob

junebug2005
Posts: 123
Joined: Thu Jul 23, 2020 7:45 am

Re: Reasons for Spanking

Post by junebug2005 » Thu Sep 17, 2020 7:05 am

For us, maintenance is scheduled and more thorough. A reminder is usually a quick couple of swats in the moment because I’m starting to get an attitude or something like that and is meant to keep me from letting my emotions get the best of me. It’s a reminder of what will happen if I continue doing what I’m doing.
June Bug
happy to love and obey my husband

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