Who started it? When? Why? How?

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crickee
Posts: 25
Joined: Wed Feb 12, 2020 2:59 pm

Who started it? When? Why? How?

Post by crickee » Thu Feb 13, 2020 10:16 am

I was trying to communicate a whole bunch of thoughts without making the subject line longer than my post. I didn't mean for it to be blunt. I am sincerely interested in how some of you eventually arrived at the relationships you now enjoy (I hope). Did spanking rear (excuse the expression) its head when you were dating? Was it a HOH situation before spanking. Was there playful spanking before a discussion of it as a disciplinary tool? And just how was the subject first discussed & then implemented. How did it go at first in actual practice. Okay, I don't want to get carried away with a list of personal & intimate questions. I am sincerely curious.

I guess it's only fair I give you at least some background of myself. I am quite old & now quite single (1 & only wife passed almost a year ago). Spanking has fascinated me since I was a kid, even though I never recall being punished with it. The first couple decades my interest was very much M/f. Pretty standard for the time. The punishment aspect was more funishment. I played with several girls but mostly just once, as most were willingly submissive once but not beyond. It was play.

Over the last few decades my interest only increased but I found myself more and more attracted to being over the knee of a like minded lady. But still mainly play. The last part of that evolution has been the past few years when I have felt an incredibly strong appeal to experiencing a relationship with a loving, maternal but strict disciplinarian. Whips, chains & dungeons never appealed to me. Nor being someone's slave. I found that picture more hilarious than anything.

I had a quite normal childhood & parents. I thought, & still do, that they were great parents. Happy & comfortable in their own skins. And I understand that there are sexual elements that can surround domestic discipline. I also know there's a lot more to relationships than spanking. I just know that where I am now, I'm no longer interested in being the boss. And I think (how can anyone be sure) I would be, not just comfortable but "comfy" being under a firm but loving feminine thumb.

Does that make sense?

Olivia
Posts: 349
Joined: Mon Nov 25, 2019 11:09 am

Re: Who started it? When? Why? How?

Post by Olivia » Thu Feb 13, 2020 9:22 pm

So I thought my husband and I grew up with normal childhoods,... in my adult life, I've learned to appreciate that we grew up in extraordinary homes!
We started dating when we were in high school... I was apparently a spoiled brat :roll: and showed it one day while we were shopping.. an older gentleman suggested, to my now husband, that maybe I needed a good spanking (which sounds SO CRAZY and made up!- we know the man who suggested it, so not so surprising to us, but still, it is what happened and seems crazy to say it's our story! ) and, my now husband responded, "I want to"...
By the time I had an hour or two to think (from my behavior to the recommendation to the response) so when we were alone I asked if he really wanted to (his response was no, of course not just agreeing to move on) my response was, maybe you should- it was an hour drive home from shopping and he was still upset because of my behavior...
My thought was if you were so upset because of my behavior for so long then that's an issue and if a spanking (which I'd never experienced) could resolve that in a couple of minutes then I'd rather be spanked than lose a day with the guy I love to a silly argument-i have a lot learn, teach me.... and it has been a long journey from there but that where it all started lol

crickee
Posts: 25
Joined: Wed Feb 12, 2020 2:59 pm

Re: Who started it? When? Why? How?

Post by crickee » Fri Feb 14, 2020 9:55 am

That is just beautiful! But the really impressive part was your response, after reflection, on the drive. I wonder how many women would put themselves out there (vulnerable) like that. I'm also thinking of your guy when you said that he initially said no. I doubt he wasn't that much different than I would have been. Which is dying to put the pretty brat across my knee but worried she might not really mean it...and there goes my chances.

But you still left us hanging. Did he stop the car? Did he wait till you got home? Was it a real spanking or just a "message" spanking? Tears? Hugs after? And more seriously, did that start the conversation about how & why things should move forward for you both? Sorry, don't answer what you don't want. But thanks VERY much for such a fulsome response.

Olivia
Posts: 349
Joined: Mon Nov 25, 2019 11:09 am

Re: Who started it? When? Why? How?

Post by Olivia » Fri Feb 14, 2020 11:36 am

I waited until we got back to his house before I asked him if he had really wanted to spank me... when I gave my response he agreed that it was worth a try, that there was no sense wasting a day being upset-
So, he spanked me with his hand... it was uncomfortable but it was nothing like the punishments I get now! It was just the start... we've had a lot of conversations over the years that molded our dd relationship. It's been a journey for sure but that's where it started-
From there we tried spanking here and there but it lacked the solid structure of dd (we didn't even know about dd yet)- he lived with his family, me with mine and it lacked quite a bit.... we did the long distance thing through college and again there were some spankings here and there but nothing consistent or dd....
After college we moved in together, got married and discovered dd! What a blessing!
Again, through a lot of trial and error, and conversation, we established clear rules and consequences which helped us be consistent and here we are!

crickee
Posts: 25
Joined: Wed Feb 12, 2020 2:59 pm

Re: Who started it? When? Why? How?

Post by crickee » Fri Feb 14, 2020 12:07 pm

Thanks for fleshing things out. One of my big faults is impatience. What's impressive, & I think significant, about your experience is that you both stuck with it. Talked, communicated. I should have done more of that in this area. I urge others to follow the example of those like yourself.

Olivia
Posts: 349
Joined: Mon Nov 25, 2019 11:09 am

Re: Who started it? When? Why? How?

Post by Olivia » Fri Feb 14, 2020 3:24 pm

:lol: thank you... patience is definitely something he's teaching me

Cactusgrl
Posts: 32
Joined: Thu Aug 08, 2019 4:56 pm
Location: Arizona

Re: Who started it? When? Why? How?

Post by Cactusgrl » Fri Feb 14, 2020 3:31 pm

My husband and I had been married for 17 years. We have always had a very strong, happy marriage without too much drama. I've always wanted him to take more of a leadership role at home, but was never quite sure what that meant. And he didn't really know how to be more dominant either.

I originally found out about the dominant/submissive lifestyle. It appealed to me because it would put him firmly in control. We tried it very briefly (maybe a few days). It felt pretend, like we were playing. So we stopped that. A few weeks later I found out about DD. It was exactly what we wanted. He was totally on board with trying it...and I got a spanking that first night.

It's been 6 months and we really haven't looked back since. We hardly ever have drama now. I have learned to be less bossy, to take a step back and let him lead, to submit to his desires and thoughts. It has forced him to really think about what he wants, what things I do that bother him, and how to lead our family and marriage. We have both grown tremendously and have gotten closer through it. We are actually pretty amazed at how well DD actually worked for us! Neither of us can imagine ever stopping this way of living.

crickee
Posts: 25
Joined: Wed Feb 12, 2020 2:59 pm

Re: Who started it? When? Why? How?

Post by crickee » Sun Feb 16, 2020 8:22 am

<<I originally found out about the dominant/submissive lifestyle. It appealed to me because it would put him firmly in control. We tried it very briefly (maybe a few days). It felt pretend, like we were playing. So we stopped that. A few weeks later I found out about DD. It was exactly what we wanted. He was totally on board with trying it...and I got a spanking that first night.>>

Cactusgrl, I thought that was an important point you made there. You discovered something that appealed to your desires but found it lacking. Yet, rather than either just chucking your desires, or trying to change your goals, you kept looking to find what worked for you and yours. More than once on these types of boards, I've seen some self anointed "expert" give lists of rules that one must follow. Glad you found what you wanted.

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