Refusal To submit To A Spanking - Anyone?

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Miras
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Location: Prague, Czech Republic

Re: Refusal To submit To A Spanking - Anyone?

Post by Miras » Thu Jan 30, 2020 10:51 am

Alpha wrote:
Thu Jan 30, 2020 2:51 am
I am not saying that there way is wrong and each to there own. But the person is our friend and sometimes honesty is needed. My wife submits to me and only me. If she was rude to me in front of our friends yes she would be corrected. If she spoke her mind to our friend and its was something that was need to be said then so be it. My wife must not disrespect me any time any where she knows what she will get. But saying something to someone that is our friend and it was something that was needed to be said then i would Hi Five her not spank her.

Like I said this is me and like she said this is something that was need to be said and she would have done it with out alcohol.
Personally, I think this is healthier model.
Occasionally friendly Spencerist guy
Faktor IV of MdI - Maghan
Unofficial member of The Wicked Tribe
Putting DD back into BuDDhism

Rand E
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Location: Los Angeles

Re: Refusal To submit To A Spanking - Anyone?

Post by Rand E » Fri Jan 31, 2020 12:46 am

I notice in these discussions we all tend to refer to our own household rules, but those are going to vary from couple to couple. The rules that my wife and I are bound by are way less strict than a lot of those that I see here, but I would never judge anybody else or assume that we have somehow adopted more reasonable rules.

On the other hand, when there is a rule break, it's a different question whether the TiH thinks the HoH has made a fair interpretation of the rule under the circumstances, especially since emotions can be running high. I would think it's not the rule itself that is perceived as unfair, it's the interpretation, right?

Over the short time that my wife and I have had this arrangement, we discovered that the process of recognizing the rule break and submitting to consequences is the most essential feature, regardless of what particular set of rules have been adopted. We both are striving to submit regardless of how unfair we feel the punishment is at the time. That's hard, and sometimes it really sucks. Of all the things we still have to keep working on, it's the submission.

Goldilocks
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Re: Refusal To submit To A Spanking - Anyone?

Post by Goldilocks » Mon Feb 03, 2020 10:08 am

I understand your frustration. I think if you and others were being bothered by this guy's lack of self control and his behaviors, then a host or hostess has every right to confront the problem.
However, I think I would have pulled my husband aside first, and told him what was going on and how this particular person was effecting you and everyone else. Then that would have put the ball in my husband's court and he could have made the decision on how he wanted to deal with it. I would even have used the phrase, "Hun I feel like he is being disrespectful to me and you. I don't want this to ruin our night."
So I can't completely say the spanking wasn't warranted.
But your voice should still have been heard. Especially The next day. So you two could talk about how to prevent this from happening again. No one has The right to cause problems between a husband and wife. The guy was being rude and belligerent in your home talking about your friend. I would have taken offense, too.
Loving submissive wife to PapaBear.

SpankedWife
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Joined: Sun Nov 24, 2019 7:20 am

Re: Refusal To submit To A Spanking - Anyone?

Post by SpankedWife » Tue Feb 04, 2020 6:29 am

I haven’t been able to post in some time because there was another incident after the party and I had my iPad taken away and was confined to our bedroom for nearly a week and had my internet, phone and TV privileges removed for 2 weeks. I’m still grounded for another week but no longer confined to the bedroom and my privileges have been reinstated.

Things pretty much went from bad to worse since my last entry here.

First of all, I need to say, sometimes these type of sites can be discouraging. I’m not sure why certain people tend to be judgey of other people’s relationships and marriages who are not carbon copies of their own. Some give off an air of superiority, sort of like a ‘my husband is better than your husband’ type of attitude, if things are done differently than they are done in their home. It’s really off-putting.

I don’t even know who said what and I’m not interested in naming names but whoever implied my husband is an abuser, is way off the mark. And likewise, whoever implied my husband squelches communication between us, is also way off base. And lastly, whoever said my husband seemed angry when spanking me this time should understand that when you outrightly refuse to be disciplined, even a saint would have a tough time not feeling anger. The difference is that while my husband might have been mad (I mean who wouldn’t!) when I refused to get spanked, he is never out of control or abusive. Nobody but my husband gets to decide on whether a spanking is warranted, when it comes to me. That is his call and nobody else’s. I would never in a million years tell someone else whether they deserved to be punished or not. It just isn’t my place to say one way or the other.

Having said all this, I just wish people on these sites would refrain from judging or making assumptions about other people’s relationships and marriages, based on a post or two. I only talk about MY marriage here - nobody else’s. Frankly, it’s none of my business what goes on in other people’s homes and I have no judgements about how they do things. Everyone’s relationship is unique and what works for one couple may not work for another. Understand too, that my husband and I are NOT practicing a formal DD relationship and following all the rules and guidelines set out therein. I knew when I agreed to marry my husband that he was very strict and would spank when necessary. He is the man of the house and he is in charge and that is the way it is. We talk regularly of course, and he encourages communication between us, but when I refuse a spanking, all bets are off. Furthermore, with certain issues, like being rude to company and with things I know better about, a discussion, especially discussions that are usually just a guise to weasel out of a spanking, are not viewed as necessary or important. Much as I hate to admit it, I agree with my husband about this. I don’t have to agree with everything my husband thinks but most of the time I respect that it is his decision to make, as to whether or not I end up over his knee - not mine. Might not be the way it’s done in your house and that’s ok. I don’t need to compare my marriage to other people’s.

Let me clarify a few things. Nobody was uncomfortable by my blunt comments on New Year’s Eve. This guy is far from being a well-liked Mr. popular and many people were rolling their eyes every time he opened his big mouth. What I failed to mention in my 1st post, is that long before the party even took place, my husband knew I wasn’t too thrilled about this guy being invited. My husband was also well aware that I disliked him but warned me to watch my tongue and be nice. So it was really no big surprise to see the disapproving look on my husband’s face when he heard what I had said. We had already discussed it previously so there was nothing to discuss later. And comments similar to “oh my husband would have listened to what I had to say and he would have heard me out”, implying that my husband is a barbaric brute who allows me no input whatsoever, is just more of that high horse, condescending and judgmental attitude that I’ve so often encountered on some of these sites in the past. I don’t even recall asking for an opinion about how my husband does things. I just wanted to vent and read about other people’s ways of doing things. You can’t possibly grasp the whole entire picture in a couple of posts.

I do appreciate the validating, supportive and understanding comments that many made here. Thank you. :)

Now let me explain further about what happened. So a couple weeks or so after the party, my husband informed me that this friend I had pretty much told off, Mark is his name, was coming over to have a drink with my husband. My husband informed me that I was going to apologize to him. I was still quite resentful about being spanked over the whole matter and I flat out refused. He said that if I didn’t, I would receive another very hard spanking after he left. One way or the other, I was told, I would be apologizing. Ugh.

Anyway when he showed up, I disappeared into another part of the house. About an hour later my husband called to me but I pretended not to hear. He called a second time and I finally came into the den where they were. My husband said “I told Mark you have something to say”. Before I could even open my mouth, Mark said something to the effect of, “yeah the last time we spoke, you were nasty to me I seem to recall. I’m not a bad guy you know. I just maybe had too much to drink and you know Laura is leaving me and she’s caused a lot of trouble for me over the last few months”. I couldn’t believe he was trying to blame Laura once again and take no responsibility for his enormous part, in the breakdown of their marriage. The trouble she was causing him?!!! :o Huh! It just made me sick and made my blood boil. I replied “yeah well you’ll get no sympathy from me” and I quickly left the room. I couldn’t help myself and just could not humble myself to utter the words “I’m sorry”. It wasn’t happening. Just couldn’t do it - even though I knew my husband would spank me badly for it. I ran upstairs and cried my eyes out until my husband appeared a short time later. I knew what was coming. He walked into the room and sat down on the edge of the bed, saying “you were warned but you disobeyed me and embarrassed me. Get your panties down and get over my knee, right now”. I couldn’t move. He stood me up, took down my panties, raised my skirt and put me over his knee. Needless to say, I received one of the hardest spankings he has ever given me. First with his hand until I was crying loudly and uncontrollably, then he put me on the bed and took off his belt. It’s very rare that I get the belt. Hand and hairbrush spankings are very painful but the belt is something I dread. It went on for a good 10 minutes at least...maybe 15. He told me I would be calling Mark later that evening and apologizing for my bad behaviour, and that I was grounded to our bedroom for a solid week and then grounded to the house for 3 more weeks after that, with no privileges for 3 out of the 4 weeks. Double ugh.

I did in fact call and apologize (because I was made to) but I hated every minute of it. As for where my head is at now, I guess I’ve just come to accept that my husband is the boss and that disobedience is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. Even if I don’t agree or like it, it’s the way it is and it’s what I signed up for and agreed to. We still have to follow the rules even if we don’t like them, in many areas of life. For instance, road rules, rules at jobs from bosses, rules at school, laws, etc. Whether we like the rules or not, is irrelevant. They must be obeyed or there are consequences. This is the way it is with my husband too. There are certain things he feels strongly about and that he won’t budge on. Unlike many who are involved in formal DD relationships, who get a say in what the rules are, there are some rules that I have to follow regardless whether I agree with them or not. That is just how it is in my marriage and I respect my husband’s final say. Sometimes I am defiant, yes, but for the most part, I am quite obedient and respectful. Lately, as some of you know from my other thread, I’ve had some difficulty due to grief of losing my grandparents. However, I am coming to terms with my grief now and hoping my rebellion phase will end.

Anyway, things are a bit better now and we have put the whole thing behind us. Whenever I have to see Mark again, I will pretty much avoid him like the plaque. :lol: I am determined that I will never suffer one more spanking because of that guy. He is so not worth it.

Some of your comments were really great and I enjoyed reading them. I am grounded for one more week still but I am allowed to use my iPad again and I’m not confined to the bedroom. My husband and I are very much in love with each other. That’s the part that can never come across in these posts. He is the sexiest man on the planet and he spoils me rotten. I know he only ever wants what’s best for me and even though he is a strict disciplinarian, I feel his love and his care for me every single day. It goes beyond even words. :heart:

Anyway, thanks for reading, guys. Back again soon. Caio for now.

P.S. No I’m not Italian but I love their food! :lol:

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NateG
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Re: Refusal To submit To A Spanking - Anyone?

Post by NateG » Tue Feb 04, 2020 12:12 pm

SpankedWife


I am very glad that you have written and updated us. Glad you are mostly off of your grounding and have had some of your privileges restored. Thank you for letting us know what happened afterwards.

Your story is a classic one of "taking the spanking even though you know you are right". Well, I think you did the right thing regarding Mark. I wouldn't apologize either. To me, it shows that you will stand up for what you think is right, even if it means you are punished. The spanking and belting you took was a hard one, I"m sure. But I stand with you on that. Yes, Mark is not worth another spanking, so do your best to stay away as much as possible. Your husband will probably, eventually stop bringing him around.

However, i did think you were pretty harsh towards those of us who responded to your first post. You lashed out in the same way you perceived that some of us did to you. I didn't read all of the posts, or at least didn't go through and reread them, but I think you should give us a little leeway on this. We DON"T know your husband or your intimate marital dynamics because you didn't go into it all that much. And you are fairly new here right? I haven't seen a whole lot of posts by you. Maybe I have missed them.

It is true that every DD relationship is different. Even if it's not officially a DD marriage, it doesn't matter..it is still basically the same. So yes, we need to remember that each marriage dynamic is different and whats good for one may not be good for another. I try to keep that in mind all the time.

I think some of the posters were concerned that you might have been somewhat abused or taken against your will...and that whole consent thing is a big discussion on its own.... but I don't believe they meant to condemn your marriage or your husband. They/we just don't have enough information. I'm glad you told us he was a great husband, very loving and spoils you. That is so good to hear.

I guess I'm asking that you also try to give us the benefit of the doubt in our responses. Most here are very helpful and want to do what we can to encourage a healthy, loving, ongoing DD relationship.

I'm glad you are back and I hope you keep posting. I think I would like your husband.

Nate

BooksandBelonging
Posts: 53
Joined: Sat Feb 01, 2020 4:11 pm

Re: Refusal To submit To A Spanking - Anyone?

Post by BooksandBelonging » Tue Feb 04, 2020 12:32 pm

NateG wrote:
Tue Feb 04, 2020 12:12 pm
SpankedWife


I am very glad that you have written and updated us. Glad you are mostly off of your grounding and have had some of your privileges restored. Thank you for letting us know what happened afterwards.

Your story is a classic one of "taking the spanking even though you know you are right". Well, I think you did the right thing regarding Mark. I wouldn't apologize either. To me, it shows that you will stand up for what you think is right, even if it means you are punished. The spanking and belting you took was a hard one, I"m sure. But I stand with you on that. Yes, Mark is not worth another spanking, so do your best to stay away as much as possible. Your husband will probably, eventually stop bringing him around.

However, i did think you were pretty harsh towards those of us who responded to your first post. You lashed out in the same way you perceived that some of us did to you. I didn't read all of the posts, or at least didn't go through and reread them, but I think you should give us a little leeway on this. We DON"T know your husband or your intimate marital dynamics because you didn't go into it all that much. And you are fairly new here right? I haven't seen a whole lot of posts by you. Maybe I have missed them.

It is true that every DD relationship is different. Even if it's not officially a DD marriage, it doesn't matter..it is still basically the same. So yes, we need to remember that each marriage dynamic is different and whats good for one may not be good for another. I try to keep that in mind all the time.

I think some of the posters were concerned that you might have been somewhat abused or taken against your will...and that whole consent thing is a big discussion on its own.... but I don't believe they meant to condemn your marriage or your husband. They/we just don't have enough information. I'm glad you told us he was a great husband, very loving and spoils you. That is so good to hear.

I guess I'm asking that you also try to give us the benefit of the doubt in our responses. Most here are very helpful and want to do what we can to encourage a healthy, loving, ongoing DD relationship.

I'm glad you are back and I hope you keep posting. I think I would like your husband.

Nate
This post interested me as it can be common. Having read some, not all, of the posts in regards to original, I have seen people post in comparison to their own relationship. It seems to me many people are prioritizing communication and consent, of course. But consent can be a grey area, because of spanking being a punishment, nobody actually WANTS it to happen. Whether we allow it with a blanket statement of HoH has the last word, or can add additional punishments for refusal etc, or we have another agreement in place, I think people were just curious to this.
I agree with much of what Nate is saying here, and I liked how this was worded.

I also would have done as you did, and as Nate said, and dug my heels in on the matter, but taken my punishment, because of the warning it made the matter a conscious choice.
I feel that the people saying those things you that ruffled your feathers were actually in agreement (it seems you wanted to discuss the matter amd be heard, andd posters and myself wanted this for you.) I don't think it was a criticism, it was an ideal.
Personally I would have wanted to be heard and validated, but being rude to a guest is just that, whatever the reason. I would have expected a discussion and some punishment- if i were lucky a lesser sentence and some support in the matter of having to apologize, but HoH also having a word with the rude guest about boundaries and his behaviour in your home. However, that is an ideal. These don't always happen in real life, and as an TiH, our deepest respect lies in submitting even when we don't agree. It's a trust we gave to them and it cannot be taken away over a single disagreement, or alternate viewpoint.
I found the post helpful, because i think o would have stood my ground respectfully also.

Goldilocks
Posts: 682
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Location: Ohio

Re: Refusal To submit To A Spanking - Anyone?

Post by Goldilocks » Tue Feb 04, 2020 6:01 pm

Man...I am glad you guys were able to put this behind you.
Loving submissive wife to PapaBear.

Goldilocks
Posts: 682
Joined: Sun Mar 26, 2017 2:34 pm
Location: Ohio

Re: Refusal To submit To A Spanking - Anyone?

Post by Goldilocks » Tue Feb 04, 2020 6:53 pm

Thank you for sharing more of the situation.
I do agree that a spanking was warranted for the confrontation on disobedience on New Years.

And like you, it would have been hard to swallow my pride and apologize to someone like that guy.
It would have taken me getting a hell of a beating, too, to say the words, "I'm sorry."
I'm agreeing with you.

I know you said you are going to avoid this guy like the plague. I hope you will never have to be in his presence again. You are right he isnt worth it.

If you do have to be around this guy in the future, can you ask him something like,"could you please be respectful of my feelings and refrain from talking about your divorce in front of me? It is very hurtful to me." Or something like that. It's not confronting him on his issues. It's not getting in the middle of their problems, it's self preservation. Asking him to respect your feelings.

Or can you ask your husband to say something to him like, "don't talk about the divorce or your ex wife infront of my wife. It really bothers her and I don't like seeing her upset." Or something along those lines. Once again it's a way of protecting you.
It's kind of like putting boundaries on a bully or an over baring person. I think if he knew he had a line he couldn't cross, then you maybe be able to tolerate his presence a little better and the belt can stay in your husband's belt loops. Lol.

I empathize greatly with the recent loss of grandparents. Coming to terms with grief is never easy. May time bring peace of mind, and the memories bring joy to your heart.
Loving submissive wife to PapaBear.

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