Bra

Spanking and Domestic Discipline
Olivia
Posts: 338
Joined: Mon Nov 25, 2019 11:09 am

Re: Bra

Post by Olivia » Thu Jan 16, 2020 5:09 pm

Every relationship is different and I don't know yours so I'll kind of just speak to mine and if you can take something from it, great!
I would never leave the house without a bra, heck I'm rarely in the house without one.... If my husband was vocal about preferring no bra I'd be open to talking in the house but not outside....
a bra provides support so it could be physically uncomfortable to not have one.... it's also more socially acceptable to wear a bra than not so not wearing a bra could have social and emotional consequences that you're not intending or even aware of.... like when she's at work.... I'd be so self conscious and I'd just feel awful! Like going out without makeup!
I think I'd appreciate my husband liking my body so much that he wants me to be as natural as possible but the social/ emotional/ physical consequences of not wearing a bra, at least in public would be too much... I'd recommend further conversation around why she's saying no and why you're saying yes then coming up with an agreement y'all can both feel good about

SweetPea611
Posts: 200
Joined: Tue Oct 01, 2019 12:54 pm
Location: Northern CA

Re: Bra

Post by SweetPea611 » Thu Jan 16, 2020 5:22 pm

I’m sorry, but I find this very odd. The rules my HoH has for me have my well-being and the well-being of our family in mind. This feels very arbitrary. If you can’t articulate to her the importance, I feel her feelings should take priority. Yes, you are the HoH. But a good HoH is fair and kind.

SweetPea611
Posts: 200
Joined: Tue Oct 01, 2019 12:54 pm
Location: Northern CA

Re: Bra

Post by SweetPea611 » Thu Jan 16, 2020 5:23 pm

Lauren wrote:
Thu Jan 16, 2020 2:47 pm
Your wife is trying to tell you that she is not comfortable with not wearing a bra in public because of modesty issues. HER beliefs.

As a HOH your job is to help your spouse be a better person. DD is all about improvement of both HOH and Sub. Improving the marriage. It is NOT about selfish desires.
I agree completely.

Smoothy20
Posts: 13
Joined: Thu Jan 16, 2020 1:14 pm

Re: Bra

Post by Smoothy20 » Thu Jan 16, 2020 5:33 pm

THANKS!
Olivia wrote:
Thu Jan 16, 2020 5:09 pm
Every relationship is different and I don't know yours so I'll kind of just speak to mine and if you can take something from it, great!
I would never leave the house without a bra, heck I'm rarely in the house without one.... If my husband was vocal about preferring no bra I'd be open to talking in the house but not outside....
a bra provides support so it could be physically uncomfortable to not have one.... it's also more socially acceptable to wear a bra than not so not wearing a bra could have social and emotional consequences that you're not intending or even aware of.... like when she's at work.... I'd be so self conscious and I'd just feel awful! Like going out without makeup!
I think I'd appreciate my husband liking my body so much that he wants me to be as natural as possible but the social/ emotional/ physical consequences of not wearing a bra, at least in public would be too much... I'd recommend further conversation around why she's saying no and why you're saying yes then coming up with an agreement y'all can both feel good about

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Sassyclouds
Posts: 138
Joined: Tue Oct 30, 2018 2:20 pm
Location: USA

Re: Bra

Post by Sassyclouds » Thu Jan 16, 2020 10:40 pm

It hurts when I don't have my bra on. It helps my back when I do wear a bra. I can't believe a HOH would even consider punishing the person they love, guide, help improve and have a better, happier marriage.

How is her not wearing a bra improving your marriage?

How is her wearing a bra hurting you?

Also, every time Lauren asked you "why" you are so against her wearing a bra, you never actually gave a reason. I would love to know.

If her doctor told her not to wear a bra for medical reasons, and she went against the medical advice, then I could understand your concern and your worries about your wife wearing a bra. That was just an example.

I know I would have not been able to stop wearing my bra, because it really hurts when my breasts are not properly supported. I would expect my HOH to care about my back pain, etc. Well, if I ever marry again.

DD is so special between a couple. Please talk to your wife. Punishing her for wearing a bra is so sad 😥
I had a marriage with DD. I definitely want that again, if I ever get married again. The closeness and secure feeling in DD was wonderful. The love and respect is amplified after a discipline spanking.... I miss it. I miss having an HOH to help me.

Lee C
Posts: 71
Joined: Fri Oct 11, 2019 9:26 pm
Location: Northeast US

Re: Bra

Post by Lee C » Fri Jan 17, 2020 10:29 am

This is a really interesting question and discussion. I'm interested to see who else responds and what they have to say.

As a husband, I appreciate that my wife has no interest in appealing to anyone outside of marriage. But due to her particular religious upbringing, she doesn't even want to dress appealing for me, her husband. It has been a continual source of suffering for both of us. I have never failed to be attracted to her, not when she was 110 lbs and not since she's considerable more than that now. I do wish she longed to be sexy in my eyes, and no one else's, but she does not desire that at all.

No matter what way I would ask my wife to dress in private or in public, she'll pretty much only dress like she's going to a church service. (For lack of a better way to put it. Not really the best way, but the best I could think of for now.) Or the sloppiest "comfy" clothes you can imagine... :)

For my part as her husband, I wouldn't ask her to either wear a bra or not wear one, because I do think it's not my place to require it either way. That's in the context of private considerations of course. Publicly, there's a legitimate argument to be made otherwise. I do understand how you would see it differently, FWIW.

In a final effort to save my marriage, I formally offered DD as a potential way for us to sort out our differences. The more I thought it through, the more I really wanted it and really wanted it to work for us. I saw a long list of benefits to it, one of them being to help her open up emotionally and intimately.

If you haven't read any of my other posts, the appeal of being her TiH is really strong for me. In keeping with the religious aspect of this thread, I see it very much like Christ taking on the sin burden for His bride (church) and submitting for "her" benefit. And as I truly love to serve others, this was very appealing to me.

All this to say that as a husband, I do have certain authorities that are mine as husband. But to be a true leader, one must also choose to serve. I would best serve my wife by not requiring her to dress a certain way in private even though I certainly have my preferences.

Finally, as someone who would have to balance both being a leader and being a TiH, I would answer your question with this, "Is it something worth the potential marital division it might bring?" I have no answer for you and won't presume to understand your marriage well enough to try but maybe that's always the question to ask, regardless of DD or not. I don't always ask it and answer it correctly in my own marriage, so no "throwing the first stone" here!
My dream is to love my wife and be loved by her and I am willing to submit to her disciplinary authority so that I can be the best I can be to serve her and others.

darrone
Posts: 62
Joined: Mon Jul 03, 2017 11:06 am

Re: Bra

Post by darrone » Fri Jan 17, 2020 11:40 am

Sassyclouds wrote:
Thu Jan 16, 2020 10:40 pm

Also, every time Lauren asked you "why" you are so against her wearing a bra, you never actually gave a reason.
Exactly. This will be my one and only contribution to a rather bizarre thread.

Rand E
Posts: 356
Joined: Thu Jul 12, 2018 5:45 pm
Location: Los Angeles

Re: Bra

Post by Rand E » Fri Jan 17, 2020 5:57 pm

At some level, your wife needs to have some kind of autonomy regarding her dignity and personal decisions. I think you have passed a boundary there. I would let it go and let her know. You will be a better HoH for it. That's just my 2 cents worth, but, hey, you asked for opinions.

Candace
Posts: 18
Joined: Fri Sep 20, 2019 9:52 pm
Location: Port Richey, Florida

Re: Bra

Post by Candace » Fri Jan 17, 2020 7:27 pm

This topic was discussed on another forum but under garment was, underwear. The men thought it a good idea to have the women go, "sans undies" if they did not stay close by them when out in public.
It was done to keep the women feeling vulnerable and needing protection therefore she would be more apt to stay close by her HOH in public. Then when the habbit was formed she would be able to wear underwear again. This was used as a training method.
I am guessing the reason Lauren kept asking you "why" do you want this, is because usually there is an underlying reason of cause and effect.
Yours seems to be, cuz I can, it is an abuse of authority. And let me tell you first hand just because you can do something does not make it right.
I never agreed to the "sans undies" even for training purposes. Too much like a "Pavlov's Dogs" theory.
I believe in this as a lifestyle whole hearttedly but there came a time that he became my Ex HOH because he too had, "just cuz" I can rules. Women need to feel loved. There is no love behind, just cuz I can rules.
I truly mean no distespect to you and I hope the best result comes from you reaching out and asking such an impotant question as this.
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Sassyclouds
Posts: 138
Joined: Tue Oct 30, 2018 2:20 pm
Location: USA

Re: Bra

Post by Sassyclouds » Fri Jan 17, 2020 10:50 pm

I love what Candace said,

"Women need to feel loved. There is no love behind, just cuz I can rules".

i agree!! "JUST CUZ I CAN RULES" are abusing the love and trust a TIH gives her HOH. The HOH needs to learn more about being a HOH.

I also read somewhere on here, I forget where, that an HOH wanted to make up rules without discussing them with his TIH. I don't think that's fair either 😥

But, that's just how I feel as a once TIH 😲
I had a marriage with DD. I definitely want that again, if I ever get married again. The closeness and secure feeling in DD was wonderful. The love and respect is amplified after a discipline spanking.... I miss it. I miss having an HOH to help me.

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