Finally!

Please take your time and introduce yourself to us - why Domestic Discipline, are you married, how your relationship progressed...
Liz88
Posts: 55
Joined: Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:50 pm

Finally!

Post by Liz88 » Wed Aug 21, 2019 9:27 am

Hi new friends!

I'm Liz and I don't even know where to begin. Seriously, I've been thinking for days on how to intro myself here. haha

I've known about DD for about 7 years and knew it was the kind of marriage I wanted. I met my husband about a year after my discovery (2013) and I knew he was the one. The one for me and the one to lead me in marriage and life. I've spent my whole life being in charge and I was tired.

This man helped me relax and showed signs of dominance. We got married quickly (9 months) and I wrote him this letter the night before our wedding day outlining my surrender to him. "I give you my this, I give you my that." He later told me he found it incredibly loving and arousing.

Woohoo!

Unfortunately, I was in my 20s and too afraid to tell him about DD specifically. I'd drop hints like:
--I'd rather you just spank me in an argument than be mad for hours or days.
--I want you to own me.
--I think one person in the marriage should be the final decision maker and I want that to be you.

But I never actually said "There's this thing called DD and this is how I want to live my life." Chalk it up to being young and dumb and scared. And I think he just thought it was this weird sex kink or fantasy I had.

Fast forward 4 years and we have a 3 year old, I started a business, and my husband ended his military career because of my pushing (in all honesty)...he's terribly depressed and I'm constantly pissed off.

One night I found this site (when the blog was open) and cried being reminded of how "off course" I was from this lifestyle I knew would save us. Of course, I was still afraid to tell my husband. Sitting in the dark, I cried to him about our relationship and how I wanted to be better and more supportive and not so mean. I told him I wanted to have consequences and I wanted him to spank me when I'm out of line.

He laughed at me. He told me to grow up and he had enough problems of his own, he shouldn't have to spank his grown wife for being a brat.

Needless to say, I cried myself to sleep that night. I'd never felt so rejected in my life.

The next day or something he saw I was reading the site and said something like he didn't know this was a "thing" and that I was so serious. He apologized saying he overreacted and that day was especially hard for him and I could have said anything and he would have blown up.

I was just still so embarrassed that I didn't take the opportunity to explain more or educate him in any way.

That was summer 2018 and now it's summer 2019. We've had a roller coaster of a year and the last couple months have been hard for me personally in my business. I have been dying for a reset. I know it's what I need. It's been so long (2012??) and I'm wound as tight as I can go.

Last week I got so depressed. Very unlike me. I laid in bed and let the kid watch TV. I didn't work. I didn't talk to my husband when he got home. Just laid there.

My husband finally got me to start talking and after a couple nights' chats, slowly it came out that I was so unhappy about my attitude toward him and our dynamic. I told him I just couldn't stand myself this way and needed his help to correct it. Like for real this time. Nothing kinky I just say in bed during the heat of the moment. I wanted to implement spanking into our relationship.

He said "sure" like I had just said I wanted chicken for dinner. I was relieved, but still skeptic.

The last 5 days have been a whirlwind. I have literally said the words Domestic Discipline to him and talked to him about rules, consequences, submitting, contracts, even sent him articles. Nothing coy, just straightforward honesty. 6 years and it's finally out. I could cry typing that.

Tonight we are going on a date and I'm so nervous. I feel like I'm in a frenzy and just want to get straight into "here are all the things I've been beating myself up for. Please spank me until I cry and then we can move on, okay?" But I'm not an idiot and feel like that might be too overwhelming. I don't know how tonight should go. What even to bring up next...what to ask him? I have no idea what he's even thinking about all this other than it gets him riled up (we've been having a ton of sex since I finally spilled all the beans)--and I think at this point in our relationship he's willing to try anything to have a better one.

If you have any advice on how we should maximize our time tonight or what our next steps should be, I am all ears! I'm ready to start writing rules and just living this way(!!!!), but don't want to rush him if his head is still spinning. How could it not be?

I think this intro is long enough. haha Thanks for having me here.

User avatar
sweetie
Posts: 1271
Joined: Fri May 18, 2018 6:53 am
Location: United Kingdom

Re: Finally!

Post by sweetie » Wed Aug 21, 2019 1:04 pm

Welcome to the forum, Liz88, and thank you for sharing your story. I’m sure it wasn’t an easy post to write.

More importantly, congratulations on opening up and telling your husband how you feel and that you’d like a DD relationship. It sounds very positive that he’s open to the idea to but I think you’re also right that he might be feeling somewhat overwhelmed. You have a balancing act now in that you need to keep momentum going but without being too pushy or forward. Understandably you’re on a real high right now and just want to get started but your husband will still be processing it and will have some catching up to do.

On your date, I’d suggest you ask him how he’s feeling about it all and be guided by what he says, helping him understand and educating him as you go, but try not to be too pushy as you don’t want to alarm him or pressurise him.

Good luck 🍀. I hope your date goes well.
sweetie x
Please inform MrsSweetie, my HoH, if I'm in any way impolite, disrespectful, inapproptiate, or cause any offence

Liz88
Posts: 55
Joined: Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:50 pm

Re: Finally!

Post by Liz88 » Wed Aug 21, 2019 2:34 pm

Thanks Sweetie! I am going to take your advice and just let the date be a date and not go overboard. Ask him how he's feeling and let his response guide the night.

Getting ready now! Excited to get to know you better. I've read a lot of your posts the last few weeks and admire you and Mrs. Sweetie. :)

User avatar
sweetie
Posts: 1271
Joined: Fri May 18, 2018 6:53 am
Location: United Kingdom

Re: Finally!

Post by sweetie » Wed Aug 21, 2019 4:01 pm

Liz88 wrote:
Wed Aug 21, 2019 2:34 pm
Thanks Sweetie! I am going to take your advice and just let the date be a date and not go overboard. Ask him how he's feeling and let his response guide the night.

Getting ready now! Excited to get to know you better. I've read a lot of your posts the last few weeks and admire you and Mrs. Sweetie. :)
Thank you, Liz88, very kind of you to say. I hope your date goes / went well.
sweetie x
Please inform MrsSweetie, my HoH, if I'm in any way impolite, disrespectful, inapproptiate, or cause any offence

Mel41
Posts: 212
Joined: Thu Nov 15, 2018 4:58 pm

Re: Finally!

Post by Mel41 » Wed Aug 21, 2019 7:14 pm

Liz88 wrote:
Wed Aug 21, 2019 9:27 am
Hi new friends!

I'm Liz and I don't even know where to begin. Seriously, I've been thinking for days on how to intro myself here. haha

I've known about DD for about 7 years and knew it was the kind of marriage I wanted. I met my husband about a year after my discovery (2013) and I knew he was the one. The one for me and the one to lead me in marriage and life. I've spent my whole life being in charge and I was tired.

This man helped me relax and showed signs of dominance. We got married quickly (9 months) and I wrote him this letter the night before our wedding day outlining my surrender to him. "I give you my this, I give you my that." He later told me he found it incredibly loving and arousing.

Woohoo!

Unfortunately, I was in my 20s and too afraid to tell him about DD specifically. I'd drop hints like:
--I'd rather you just spank me in an argument than be mad for hours or days.
--I want you to own me.
--I think one person in the marriage should be the final decision maker and I want that to be you.

But I never actually said "There's this thing called DD and this is how I want to live my life." Chalk it up to being young and dumb and scared. And I think he just thought it was this weird sex kink or fantasy I had.

Fast forward 4 years and we have a 3 year old, I started a business, and my husband ended his military career because of my pushing (in all honesty)...he's terribly depressed and I'm constantly pissed off.

One night I found this site (when the blog was open) and cried being reminded of how "off course" I was from this lifestyle I knew would save us. Of course, I was still afraid to tell my husband. Sitting in the dark, I cried to him about our relationship and how I wanted to be better and more supportive and not so mean. I told him I wanted to have consequences and I wanted him to spank me when I'm out of line.

He laughed at me. He told me to grow up and he had enough problems of his own, he shouldn't have to spank his grown wife for being a brat.

Needless to say, I cried myself to sleep that night. I'd never felt so rejected in my life.

The next day or something he saw I was reading the site and said something like he didn't know this was a "thing" and that I was so serious. He apologized saying he overreacted and that day was especially hard for him and I could have said anything and he would have blown up.

I was just still so embarrassed that I didn't take the opportunity to explain more or educate him in any way.

That was summer 2018 and now it's summer 2019. We've had a roller coaster of a year and the last couple months have been hard for me personally in my business. I have been dying for a reset. I know it's what I need. It's been so long (2012??) and I'm wound as tight as I can go.

Last week I got so depressed. Very unlike me. I laid in bed and let the kid watch TV. I didn't work. I didn't talk to my husband when he got home. Just laid there.

My husband finally got me to start talking and after a couple nights' chats, slowly it came out that I was so unhappy about my attitude toward him and our dynamic. I told him I just couldn't stand myself this way and needed his help to correct it. Like for real this time. Nothing kinky I just say in bed during the heat of the moment. I wanted to implement spanking into our relationship.

He said "sure" like I had just said I wanted chicken for dinner. I was relieved, but still skeptic.

The last 5 days have been a whirlwind. I have literally said the words Domestic Discipline to him and talked to him about rules, consequences, submitting, contracts, even sent him articles. Nothing coy, just straightforward honesty. 6 years and it's finally out. I could cry typing that.

Tonight we are going on a date and I'm so nervous. I feel like I'm in a frenzy and just want to get straight into "here are all the things I've been beating myself up for. Please spank me until I cry and then we can move on, okay?" But I'm not an idiot and feel like that might be too overwhelming. I don't know how tonight should go. What even to bring up next...what to ask him? I have no idea what he's even thinking about all this other than it gets him riled up (we've been having a ton of sex since I finally spilled all the beans)--and I think at this point in our relationship he's willing to try anything to have a better one.

If you have any advice on how we should maximize our time tonight or what our next steps should be, I am all ears! I'm ready to start writing rules and just living this way(!!!!), but don't want to rush him if his head is still spinning. How could it not be?

I think this intro is long enough. haha Thanks for having me here.
Welcome aboard! I think many of us have been in the same place as you, wanting DD so badly but not wanting to scare our partner away by pushing it on them. It's frustrating when you have been thinking about it and reading about it for so long but your partner is not at the same place that you are. They really need to come to terms with it in their own time. Just consider what you are asking of him - to set rules, to be the final say, to hit you when you misbehave. It goes against so much of what men are taught about relationships and about what women want. Some couples are able to get on the same page and carve out their respective roles pretty quickly and others take longer. I wish you all the best and encourage you to keep using this forum. It's really a great group of people!
🎵 Hit me baby one more time 🎵

In love, and together in life, with Steve41

Jx1023
Posts: 34
Joined: Wed Mar 20, 2019 11:40 am
Location: NEPA

Re: Finally!

Post by Jx1023 » Wed Aug 21, 2019 8:42 pm

Hello and welcome :) my husband and I are new to DD as well. Like you, it was my idea and I had been reading about it and wanting this lifestyle for years before I finally felt I could bring it up to him in a serious matter. I was afraid he would think I was crazy. It turns out he was very interested in it as well. We sat, discussed rules, and decided this will now be our life. It was very difficult because one thing I did learn is I that couldn’t rush things to be where I wanted them and we couldn’t be that way over night. We still have much to learn about each other living this lifestyle. This forum has been a great help to both of us, we’ve made friends, got and continue to get some great advice and and I’m happy to say we are progressing rather well. Over time we’ll come into our own with it and so will you and your husband. After awhile it’ll just all fall into place. It’s the best decision we could have made for our marriage. It’s hard and some days are much harder than the last but it’s worth the effort. 😊😊

User avatar
NateG
Posts: 801
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 7:34 pm
Location: Virginia

Re: Finally!

Post by NateG » Wed Aug 21, 2019 9:47 pm

Liz88,

Welcome Liz,

I really enjoyed reading your intro. I kept telling my wife she needs to read it..lol.

I felt really bad for you when you said you cried reading the forum and wanting this life. I think there are more people who want this type of life than we could imagine.

I think your husband will get better and better at this. The military background helps some.

Stay active on the forum. Make friends and ask for advice. This is all a continual learning process.

Nate

nicolelinn45
Posts: 88
Joined: Tue Mar 12, 2019 11:52 am
Location: Southern Ohio

Re: Finally!

Post by nicolelinn45 » Thu Aug 22, 2019 5:41 am

Welcome Liz

I read your post yesterday and am hoping things went well for you and your husband. I hope he is 100% onboard for you and your family. Folks on this site seem to give good advice so keep asking questions.

Nic
Learning sweet submission and respect through my Heavenly Father and my HOH Husband.

Liz88
Posts: 55
Joined: Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:50 pm

Re: Finally!

Post by Liz88 » Thu Aug 22, 2019 8:55 am

Wow! Thanks everyone. I feel so welcomed already and can't wait to get to know everyone better.

An update on last night:

I just went into it with a submissive heart and mind. He said he had a few things in mind for us. I told him thank you for planning and left it at that. I didn't want to harass him for details and get him second guessing his decisions before the dang date ever happened. (Like I MIGHT normally do :? )

Anyway, he took me to this amazing place on the water...my favorite scene! I asked him to order for me and he did. He asked me "Is this how it's going to be from now on? You just eat whatever I feel you should?"

I told him I'd love that and he picked the very thing on the menu I'd pick, so we were off to a great start.

Without writing a novel, my submissive mindset really helped me be open, honest, and brave in our conversation. I really didn't want to waste time on talking about anything but this (we don't get alone time very often), so luckily the ordering-my-food thing led into the conversation naturally and he was asking tons of questions.

And I was brave in answering them, even when it was uncomfortable or I thought I'd be embarrassed. That quickly went away though.

After dinner, we walked on the beach for over 2 hours talking more about what I wanted from this, why, and how it could all work.

I opened up about the stress I felt not being able to structure my day, and piling too much on. I asked how he would plan my day and man! I am just so happy. He's much kinder to me than I am. And I can't wait to start the life he envisions for me. haha!

We also talked about consequences and I was happily surprised at how open he was to it all. He said he 100% agrees with having rules and in his mind, rules sometimes have to be enforced by someone. He said it all makes sense to him. Of course, he doesn't like the idea of hurting me.

I told him I was asking for this and needed it to be my best self, and especially to be the wife he deserved. He asked about safe words, which I said of course we need that. He asked if there was anything other than spanking. I told him about different implements, restrictions, writing lines, and told him he had the liberty to be creative, of course. Later, I want to bring up hard limits, but for now, I simply suggested he read through some blogs and this forum, too.

We also talked about language he could use (or stop using) to help me become more submissive and stay in that headspace... and make him feel more confident as the leader. I asked him to stop apologizing to me. He had said he was sorry like 6 times to me on our date and I told him as HoH you don't owe me an explanation, and definitely not an apology. I needed his language to be assertive, especially as we move into this.

I admitted I'm sure there are times where an apology really is the right thing to do for us both to understand something/atone/move on, but things he was apologizing for now...no. It would help to eliminate that. That seemed to me like the hardest thing for him to grasp, which makes sense (we're taught to be sorry!), but he seemed to take it to heart.

Anyway...

I'm happy to say the more we talked about it, the more he seemed to want to talk about it. I haven't been this happy in a long time! The night was a complete success!!

Thanks again everyone for your encouragement and support. It really gave me a boost when I needed it. Any thoughts or suggestions to what I wrote are appreciated. I feel like I've read so much (and experimented a little back in the day) but now that it's happening, I have no clue what I'm doing! haha

User avatar
sweetie
Posts: 1271
Joined: Fri May 18, 2018 6:53 am
Location: United Kingdom

Re: Finally!

Post by sweetie » Thu Aug 22, 2019 9:09 am

Thanks for the update, Liz88. I’m so glad your date went so well and that your husband is open and supportive of the way you want your relationship to be. The only advice I can give really is keep doing what you’ve been doing, keep in that submissive mindset, and keep the momentum going through your submissive actions and your communication and allow your husband to lead, whilst supporting and educating him as necessary but without being overly pushy.

I’d also encourage him to join this Forum so that he can learn from the other HoHs on here. It can be awkward, sometimes, for example when I see some of the questions MrsSweetie asks on here, not knowing what responses she may receive, but knowing I’ll probably get to experience them at some point, but overall I think it’s beneficial us both being on here.

Well done, l’m so pleased for both of you.

Good luck 🍀 setting out on this wonderful journey.
sweetie x
Please inform MrsSweetie, my HoH, if I'm in any way impolite, disrespectful, inapproptiate, or cause any offence

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