Hi all!
My name is Emmalyn and I’m from Tennessee! I’ve been married for about three years now, and have tried DD once before. I have been on this site and the DD blog several times but finally plucked up the courage to join. I’m truly very excited to get to know everyone and to have somewhere to talk about all this!
I’m afraid I may not have much to contribute at the moment as we are not actively participating in DD. This is something I have wanted for as long as I can remember, but I wasn’t able to actually talk about it until January of last year. Danny wasn’t over the moon about it, but was willing to try it if it made me happy and could improve things at home. At the time we had been arguing a lot, and chores weren’t getting done around the house. I knew DD was the change that I needed to give my husband the respect he deserves and to help things get back on track at home. Unfortunately though, we only ended up making it through a few months of DD before it fizzled out. Danny stopped holding me accountable for things, and when I asked him about it he admitted he wasn’t interested in DD anymore because it made him feel too much like my dad. He felt like he shouldn’t have to spank me like a child to make me do the things most grown women do on their own. I guess I could understand where he was coming from, but I’ve had a hard time since.
I’m really hoping talking with others on this site will help me, as I am really having a difficult time with no longer being held accountable. We are fighting again, our sex life isn’t great, and I’ve had no motivation to do anything at home. I know he is growing increasingly frustrated with me, but it’s like my body doesn’t know how to fix it. I feel like all it would take is him giving me one good spanking and I would be back to normal, but I don’t know that that’s going to happen. If anyone would like to share any thoughts or advice, I’d greatly appreciate it! I’m not sure at this point if I should try bringing it up again or whether I should respect his feelings and let it be. In the meantime it’s great seeing others in this community who are so supportive, and who have been at it for so long!!
Hello! :)
Re: Hello! :)
Welcome Ep90. I am also one of the members who is currently non-practicing, but trying, so I can be the first of your "support group", although not in a sense of much practical advice.
Occasionally friendly Spencerist guy
Faktor IV of MdI - Maghan
Unofficial member of The Wicked Tribe
Putting DD back into BuDDhism
Faktor IV of MdI - Maghan
Unofficial member of The Wicked Tribe
Putting DD back into BuDDhism
Re: Hello! :)
Welcome Ep90. You've come to the right place for like-minded people. Hopefully there's people on here who can help with advice on your situation. Good luck.
sweetie x
Please inform MrsSweetie, my HoH, if I'm in any way impolite, disrespectful, inapproptiate, or cause any offence
Please inform MrsSweetie, my HoH, if I'm in any way impolite, disrespectful, inapproptiate, or cause any offence
.-
DesertRose
- Posts: 508
- Joined: Sun Jul 22, 2018 1:34 pm
Re: Hello! :)
Welcome EP90, it's great to have you with us here. I can 100% understand how you feel, trust me, I have been yearning for this lifestyle my whole life, and I'm still not in it yet (hopefully soon I will be). I know how much you are struggling with this desire to be held accountable and especially to be spanked for your mistakes. I do too. And I understand how much it is frustrating that the man you love isn't interested.
I'm not sure though if I can give you sound advice, but what I can say is that you are totally entitled to have those feelings and they won't go away, at least not easily. I tried, but eventually I knew it was the only way for me. So this idea will always run through your mind. However, based on your husband's explanation, I don't think he would ever want/enjoy living this lifestyle, it's just not "his thing".. so bringing it up again would only create more arguments in your household.
If I may, I would suggest that you fulfill your desire in a "role-play" fashion, maybe with time he will start to enjoy his role and would accept to have it in real life.
I hope my input was helpful and I really wish you the best in your marriage.
I'm not sure though if I can give you sound advice, but what I can say is that you are totally entitled to have those feelings and they won't go away, at least not easily. I tried, but eventually I knew it was the only way for me. So this idea will always run through your mind. However, based on your husband's explanation, I don't think he would ever want/enjoy living this lifestyle, it's just not "his thing".. so bringing it up again would only create more arguments in your household.
If I may, I would suggest that you fulfill your desire in a "role-play" fashion, maybe with time he will start to enjoy his role and would accept to have it in real life.
I hope my input was helpful and I really wish you the best in your marriage.
I want a husband who will love me enough to punish me.DesertRose
Re: Hello! :)
Hello,
Glad to have you with us! Many of us have gone through dry spells with DD. It can be hard to maintain at times actively. Kids, work schedules and other life stuff can get in the way.
I'm sorry your husband feels that way. I guess I can see where he would feel like he was in a Dan scenario,but it's really not. It's being a leader in the family. A responsible head of the family, guiding and maintaining order. A good Dad should do that, but so should a husband. Or wife in some cases.
If things were better when you were more active, then that should be his motivation right there!! I know when we start to slip and not pay attention...things go down hill fast around the house. It's really up to me to keep things in line and in order if I want a harmonious, clean, well run household. We are still working on it.
I would encourage talking with him again about it. Letting him know that you need and want his guidance and discipline. That you feel loved that way and you feel that you do a better job as a wife for him.
Hope something works.
Nate
Glad to have you with us! Many of us have gone through dry spells with DD. It can be hard to maintain at times actively. Kids, work schedules and other life stuff can get in the way.
I'm sorry your husband feels that way. I guess I can see where he would feel like he was in a Dan scenario,but it's really not. It's being a leader in the family. A responsible head of the family, guiding and maintaining order. A good Dad should do that, but so should a husband. Or wife in some cases.
If things were better when you were more active, then that should be his motivation right there!! I know when we start to slip and not pay attention...things go down hill fast around the house. It's really up to me to keep things in line and in order if I want a harmonious, clean, well run household. We are still working on it.
I would encourage talking with him again about it. Letting him know that you need and want his guidance and discipline. That you feel loved that way and you feel that you do a better job as a wife for him.
Hope something works.
Nate
Re: Hello! :)
Hi,
Not much going on here as I’m not sure how Brian feels about it right now and like Nate said, life gets in the way. Kids’ activities, selling my house, our jobs, crappy weather, my two dogs died. But I still desire it. I hold back because I don’t know what to say to him so I don’t have advice for you. But I still have hope. I have been trying to think of a way to be obstinate without being a horrible person. I was once without trying and dd worked very well although I think that day was very hard on both of us. Anyway, welcome to the group:)
Not much going on here as I’m not sure how Brian feels about it right now and like Nate said, life gets in the way. Kids’ activities, selling my house, our jobs, crappy weather, my two dogs died. But I still desire it. I hold back because I don’t know what to say to him so I don’t have advice for you. But I still have hope. I have been trying to think of a way to be obstinate without being a horrible person. I was once without trying and dd worked very well although I think that day was very hard on both of us. Anyway, welcome to the group:)
Key
Re: Hello! :)
Well, I decided to bring it up to him. My thought was, the worst he can do is say no, but at least either way I’ll have my answer. I asked him through text as I tend to communicate better that way since I have time to prepare my responses thoughtfully. I just asked him if he would be willing to reconsider trying it again since I felt as though it would really help with things around the house. He said yes! He told me that he was willing to try despite the fact that it felt uncomfortable if I was willing to try some things I wasn’t as comfortable with either. I agreed, and when I got home from work we discussed what the rules would be as well as the consequences. I am honestly over the moon that he is willing to give this another go. Hopefully as time goes on he becomes more comfortable with having to discipline me. Fingers crossed! And thanks everyone for your input! It’s great meeting everyone! 
Re: Hello! :)
I’ve been there with wanting to have it very much and begging my husband to try it and being so excited when he finally agreed. I hope it goes well and your husband gets comfortable with it. My advice, though of course disregard it if you feel it doesn’t help, is to take full responsibility for being a good wife on yourself regardless of what he does or doesn’t do. If DD helps you and he’s willing, great. But no matter what, who you are is up to you and being a good wife should be a top priority because you love your husband and appreciate all he does for you. Being intrinsically motivated may be harder, but you can surely do your best, setting goals in regards to chores and respect no matter what your DD status is as a couple.