First Post

Please take your time and introduce yourself to us - why Domestic Discipline, are you married, how your relationship progressed...
AlphaWife
Posts: 104
Joined: Tue Nov 20, 2018 2:54 pm

First Post

Post by AlphaWife » Tue Nov 20, 2018 3:46 pm

Hello All,

I'm not good with introductions as I tend to ramble on and on. I'm thirty-one years old and have been with my fiance for six years, and engaged for a year. My fiance is thirty-three years old.

People describe me as very bold, blunt and a no-none sense woman. My fiance is also very strong-willed, cocky and takes no crap kind of guy. I always laugh that we managed to be together, and for six years at that. I find it funny I am in this forum because no one would guess that we had introduced domestic discipline to our relationship.

I knew my fiance through a mutual friend. We met about six months before we started dating. He is a plumber by trade and was doing my friend a favor, by figuring out some plumbing issue. My friend said he was single, and he was attractive. So me being me, I went up to him and started to flirt openly. He found this attractive. Long story, short. He wasn't getting much fixing done, and at one point my friend came into the bathroom, and she wasn't amused. He tried to blame the lack of progress on me. I told him right to his face that he needed to step up and taking responsibility for slacking off. You are on the job, favor or not, and I'm not. He was flabbergasted. This guy for the last hour was bragging about different things, and it was the first woman who made him quiet. Even my friend was surprised.

Over the next six months, before we started first to date, I hung out with him with friends. While I found him funny, good looking and we shared a lot in common, I found things I equally didn't care for. He was careless, overly cocky and drank a lot. He was a hard worker and held a steady income; he even would help anyone in need, I found him to be cocky, drank a lot, and didn't have any real plans for the future. He finally asked me out, and I hesitated at first then agreed.

We had a second and third date. I told him at the end of the third date, that while I liked him and was falling for him. I couldn't commit to him because of his irresponsibilities. I did agree to a fourth date where he admitted which was so very hard for him that he tended to drink too much and admitted that he had done a lot of partying and experimented with drugs. Then he admitted that in 2006 shortly after he turned eighteen, he was arrested for a DUI, and six months later again for disorderly conduct. He said that was a wake-up call and that is when he went to a trade school and became a certified plumber. He said he has quit doing illegal drug use, but still has a problem with excess drinking, spending and not having any real goals. He admitted that was what attracted him to me, was because I wasn't afraid to tell him when he was wrong and that I put him in his place when he became too cocky.

Instead of running away, a part of me, the alpha inside of me was intrigued, and we went exclusive. In the first year of dating, things were great. I helped to learn how to save, balance a chequebook and he managed to pay down 60% of his debt. And he showed me a lot of little things such as how to change a tire, and fix little things around the house. He is very handy, and we brought so much to a relationship. It was around this time that we talked about moving in together. I told him upfront that I wanted to wait until his debt was paid off.

He made it his goal, and in seven months, he had paid off the rest of his debt. So we moved into together into a two-bedroom condo the following month.

At around the two and a half, year mark is when we introduced domestic dicipline into our relationship. I had always had an interest in it but never found someone who felt the same way. Anyway, I was working the evening shift I didn't usually work. But we were both working overtime because we wanted to go on a nice vacation for our third year of dating. We both had good savings that we didn't want to dip into. But this particular night, he was going out with friends he hadn't seen since highschool. He had gotten a handle on his drinking, so I wasn't worried.

Anyway, the phone rang at 4 am; it was from the hospital. He had gotten into a car with his drunk friend. Thank god he wasn't driving. But he was in an accident. He had some bruises, and a few scrapes but otherwise was alright. He was visibly drunk when I picked him up.

I didn't talk to him for nearly two days when he finally came up to me and asked me what he can do to make things better. This turned into a long night discussion where I finally told him about wanting to introduce domestic discipline into our relationship. I said to him that he was irresponsible and that I needed something or someone to keep him on the check because he obviously couldn't handle himself.

At first, he was unsure but agreed to give it a shot. So that night I gave him a spanking. He at first thought it wasn't going to hurt too badly but admitted by the end of it, he didn't think it was funny and got his attention. It wasn't an overly hard one but just enough that he felt it.

It's been three and a half years. We don't have a female-led relationship. He is very much still an alpha, and I'm an alpha. It's just he is a lot more responsible. We correct his problems before they become a huge issue.

I'm happy to say we're getting married in May.
Married since May 2019 Together for 7 years. DD for 4.5 years.

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sweetie
Posts: 1338
Joined: Fri May 18, 2018 6:53 am
Location: United Kingdom

Re: First Post

Post by sweetie » Tue Nov 20, 2018 4:00 pm

Welcome, AlphaWife. Thanks for sharing your story. And congratulations on your engagement!
sweetie x
Please inform MrsSweetie, my HoH, if I'm in any way impolite, disrespectful, inapproptiate, or cause any offence

SurrealSD
Posts: 228
Joined: Fri Sep 28, 2018 9:12 am

Re: First Post

Post by SurrealSD » Tue Nov 20, 2018 4:42 pm

I loved your story! Thank you so much for posting, Alphawife!
But first, have you tried sitting down with your partner and telling them honestly how you feel?

CassLynn
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Joined: Fri May 04, 2018 1:05 pm

Re: First Post

Post by CassLynn » Tue Nov 20, 2018 5:20 pm

Welcome to the forum! I hope you find it helpful. So which of you is the Hoh? I’m sorry I didn’t quite follow. It’s great that you helped your fiancé grow up a little and reach more of his potential.

AlphaWife
Posts: 104
Joined: Tue Nov 20, 2018 2:54 pm

Re: First Post

Post by AlphaWife » Tue Nov 20, 2018 5:22 pm

CassLynn wrote:
Tue Nov 20, 2018 5:20 pm
Welcome to the forum! I hope you find it helpful. So which of you is the Hoh? I’m sorry I didn’t quite follow. It’s great that you helped your fiancé grow up a little and reach more of his potential.
Neither of us really is, but if we had to choose one it'd be me. But I don't control him or babysit him. I just there to keep him from doing stupid shit and keep him on track. He likes it (the arrangement, not so much the punishment) and has yet to disagree with any punishment I had to dish. He isn't submissive necessarily but definitely more humble.
Married since May 2019 Together for 7 years. DD for 4.5 years.

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Lauren
Posts: 864
Joined: Sat Feb 03, 2018 6:45 pm
Location: Wisconsin

Re: First Post

Post by Lauren » Tue Nov 20, 2018 6:15 pm

No HOH here is controlling or baby sits their spouse/significant other. Just a heads up. ;)

TheGoodWifeLife
Posts: 396
Joined: Sat Oct 27, 2018 11:02 am
Location: Tennessee, USA

Re: First Post

Post by TheGoodWifeLife » Tue Nov 20, 2018 6:27 pm

Welcome to the forum Alpha wife! You’ll find you’re in good company :) Everyone was just discussing the need for more HoH on this forum the other day, too.
Sassy Southern Wife & Mama & follower of Jesus

AlphaWife
Posts: 104
Joined: Tue Nov 20, 2018 2:54 pm

Re: First Post

Post by AlphaWife » Tue Nov 20, 2018 9:05 pm

I'll have to do more reading up on what exactly a head of household is. Because I'm getting some different' answers or I am just confused. I've never put a label on each of our roles in our relationship, so please excuse my ignorance and clarify my lack of understanding.

I say all major decisions are 50-50. He does ask my opinion on a lot of things. He does make almost ten grand more a year than me, despite me having a four year degree. He just makes foolish decisions, overindulges and often say or not take responsibility when he knows he is wrong. That is where domestic discipline come in.
Married since May 2019 Together for 7 years. DD for 4.5 years.

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Lauren
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Joined: Sat Feb 03, 2018 6:45 pm
Location: Wisconsin

Re: First Post

Post by Lauren » Tue Nov 20, 2018 9:37 pm

The decision making is suppose to be 50-50. One person just has the final say. There is no dictatorship here. It doesn't matter who makes more money. Money has nothing to do with this lifestyle. I make very little money. I choose to stay home and be a wife and mother. My husband makes all the money. I could be the HOH if that's what we choose. But we did choose for him to be HOH.

HOH is like being a leader. The disciplinarian.

AlphaWife
Posts: 104
Joined: Tue Nov 20, 2018 2:54 pm

Re: First Post

Post by AlphaWife » Tue Nov 20, 2018 9:47 pm

Lauren wrote:
Tue Nov 20, 2018 9:37 pm
The decision making is suppose to be 50-50. One person just has the final say. There is no dictatorship here. It doesn't matter who makes more money. Money has nothing to do with this lifestyle. I make very little money. I choose to stay home and be a wife and mother. My husband makes all the money. I could be the HOH if that's what we choose. But we did choose for him to be HOH.

HOH is like being a leader. The disciplinarian.
Okay that makes sense. That is kind of how it is in my household. I do tend to get my way on certain things, but if my partner won't relent or won't back down, then we talk it through until we come to a compromise.
Married since May 2019 Together for 7 years. DD for 4.5 years.

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