Still deliberating....

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Jennifer
Posts: 7
Joined: Wed Oct 03, 2018 4:12 pm

Still deliberating....

Post by Jennifer » Fri Oct 05, 2018 5:51 am

Hi all
Thank you for a really great site and forum, it's a relief after sifting through all the sleaze that comes up with this topic!

I am 47 year old woman, very happily married to my gorgeous husband, next year will be our 25th anniversary yet we still feel like newly weds most of the time. We have two children age 21 and 18 who both still live at home with us.

I have to admit that I'm so confused with all these cravings to be disciplined and controlled especially at my age, but I'm sure many can relate! So I'm reading as much as I can, and it's a relief to find out that there is nothing psychologically wrong with me, and I must tell you that your articles have already helped me in a big way, especially Clint's personal post about not actually enjoying the spanking.

Here's my story to the start of my journey, I'll try keep it brief.

I actually can't remember what set this off so I can't give a reference, all I know is that this feeling is just there, like an itch that won't go away. I'd say I've been thinking about going into a DD lifestyle with my hubby for the last 18 months or so.

But now that I think back on my married life, I realized that I have pretty much been in a Submissive marriage, all that was missing was the discipline.

When we were engaged, I picked up a book called Fascinating Womanhood by Helen Andelin who teaches the married woman how to make her man feel like the King of the household and leader of the home. I absolutely fell in love with the book. My feminist friends were horrified when I lent it to them (their marriages were in trouble and they wanted to know our secret to happy marriage)

After reading through the DD lifestyle, in hindsight I do actually believe my husband was being the disciplinarian in the home in his own way, without either of us really noticing like if I did something out of line, he would simply ignore me until he could give me a lecture (when the kids were out or asleep) and we would eventually came to an agreement (with me in lots of tears). I have read somewhere that Ignoring the sub could be a form of discipline, but not recommended because it makes the wife feel insecure, and he stopped doing that a few years back when we both realised it was not healthy.

Fast forward to about 18 months ago and I started reading about DD lifestyle and I couldn't stop thinking about it. About a year ago, both my hubby and I wanted to lose a few kilos of weight and we decided to do it together. That was the first time I (very shyly and so very awkwardly) shared with him that I wanted him to completely control my diet and tell me what to eat, when to eat and how much water to drink. I told him I wanted to try spanking as a punishment because I had no self control when it comes to sweets. He was not keen at all. The thought of hurting me was insane for him and he was so worried that it might damage our amazing relationship, we were in such a good space and all the what ifs. But we both agreed to try.

We started off well with our new eating plan and then the inevitable day came where he went out and I just had to have that cookie. Now I didn't need to disclose, he would never have found out, but I figured it was time to put this to test and so I told him. He was so very disapointed in me for having that cookie (ok, more than one!) and this was it, The time to Spank. Oh gosh it was all so very awkward and we were both shy, but he did it and it was SO much more sorer than I ever imagined!! That set me straight and I did not cheat again, and I lost 10Kgs in about 8 months, I looked and felt amazing, I was so proud of myself.

Diet was over and we never approached the subject again, but now I'm starting to want it again.

I'm thinking of maybe another project rather than commit to this fully. I do not take great care of our home. I work full time from home, it's a high pressured job and by the time I clock off I'm exhausted, although I do still do the basics like laundry, cooking dinner and dishes. My hubby and kids help a lot around the house but I know deep down that I want to do more to my home beautiful and not just a light surface clean.

Would it work to start this journey like this, like if hubby gives me a daily chore to do for the home and discipline if not done by a certain time? Our boys are home a LOT so we may have to revert to corner time or writing lines for now.

Do any of you ever regret going into this lifestyle? Most days I want this discipline and control from hubby so bad and I want it full time. Then other days I think am I mad, why would I want that when I could be lazing around and only do minimal work around the house because I have worked so hard that day! I mean am almost 50 after all lol

Sometimes I wonder if the fantasy is better than the reality and I"m setting myself up for disappointment.
And what if this is all too much and too overwhelming for my hubby who even encourages me to relax and not do chores when I'm not working!

Anyway, turned out longer than I thought, thank you if you read this far!

Jennifer

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sweetie
Posts: 1178
Joined: Fri May 18, 2018 6:53 am
Location: United Kingdom

Re: Still deliberating....

Post by sweetie » Fri Oct 05, 2018 10:33 am

Welcome Jennifer. Reading your introduction it strikes me how similar your story is to ours except in our case the genders are reversed. I’ve always been naturally submissive, whilst my wife is naturally dominant, and from the early stages of our relationship, long before we were engaged or married, MrsSweetie assumed the HoH role without either of us being aware of it. We hadn’t even heard of DD back then.

I think it’s a good idea to start DD slowly and gradually add to it over time in a way both husband and wife are comfortable with so taking things one project at a time sounds like a great way to start.

Good luck to both of you on your journey...
sweetie x
Please inform MrsSweetie, my HoH, if I'm in any way impolite, disrespectful, inapproptiate, or cause any offence

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MyLove
Posts: 334
Joined: Tue Sep 25, 2018 12:34 pm

Re: Still deliberating....

Post by MyLove » Fri Oct 05, 2018 12:03 pm

Hello and welcome, Jennifer!
No, I don't regret committing to this lifestyle, although the reality IS different than the fantasy. It has still been a good thing for us. It has helped me to be more organized and productive, and has strengthened my relationship with my husband, and both of those things help our children to grow up in a stable, happy home. I can relate to your not wanting to burden your husband, or endanger your relationship in any way, and also to thinking you must be mad. (You sound perfectly sane to me! :D ) I think easing into dd with a project is wise. What worked for Phil04 and me was to have him involved in my goal setting. I have very high standards for myself, and Phil helps me to keep my goals realistic. I have been focusing on our home for the past 3 months, and came very close to burnout until Phil stepped in and took some chores on himself. I do not work outside the home and we have small children, so my situation is not exactly the same as yours, but do you think your husband might be willing or enjoy helping you set goals for your home?

I often wish I had the inner motivation to acomplish my goals without dd, and am still coming to terms with the fact that my internal drive is inadequate for lasting change. I don't want to need dd, but I do need it.

Good luck, and let us kbow how things go!
Led in love by Phil04, and learning to submit by the Grace of God. Naturally submissive, but not perfectly so, I am praying for a pure heart and virtuous character. 💕

boosghost
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Oct 05, 2018 2:19 pm

Re: Still deliberating....

Post by boosghost » Fri Oct 05, 2018 2:24 pm

Wow, we are the same I believe. Been thinking about adding DD to our marriage for about 2 years. We just started discussing this addition this summer. He is in agreement except for the spanking. However, remarkable good with lectures (reduces me to tears!). I look forward to reading about your journey. Hopefully it will help with mine.

Kerry
Posts: 665
Joined: Wed Oct 04, 2017 11:54 pm

Re: Still deliberating....

Post by Kerry » Fri Oct 05, 2018 8:49 pm

Jennifer,
Yes it must be biological and psychological because I feel the same way. I understand the fear of disappointment. The idea and the anticipation are similar for me to planning a vacation. My relationship is evolving and I’m never sure how dd will work but the drive and desire is present. I need help with motivation in some things. We are so busy that really dd is not as ingrained into our lives but I want it. Look forward to hearing more from you:)
Key

Jennifer
Posts: 7
Joined: Wed Oct 03, 2018 4:12 pm

Re: Still deliberating....

Post by Jennifer » Thu Oct 11, 2018 9:52 am

Hi Everyone
Apologies for the late response, it turned out to be a crazy busy week, but a good one!
I so appreciate each one of your welcoming, kind, understanding responses and for taking the time to ready my post, thank you, here is my update so far.

After writing this post I felt such peace and felt like everything fell into place, no wonder people like to journal, it put so much into perspective without realising it until I had finished posting and reading it again.
It gave me the courage and the confidence to speak to my HoH because now I knew I wasn't crazy, knew what I wanted, and why I wanted it.

So last Friday night both our boys went out and knew this was the right time. Grabbed DH, got a cup of coffee and started to talk. Pretty much everything I said in the post is what I shared with him and how it all made so much sense to me now and how we've actually partially lived this type of lifestyle and the reason why I wanted the discipline and punishment so that I can improve on myself with his guidance and strong hand.

We spoke long and it was wonderful! The coin dropped for him too although I could see this would still take some adjusting especially the spanking side. I suggested starting small with a project and he said he would think about it and come up with some rules. I was going out for the day on Saturday and so he had the day to consider. I also sent him the link to this site and showed him my post. It was super helpful.

So on Saturday late afternoon when I got home, DH had created some rules! And was very firm about sharing them. The rules he came up were things that were bugging him, like me not drinking enough water in a day, and not getting enough exercise as well as a few other things. How clever! He knew exactly what my weaknesses are and what I rebel against lol. He did not add any household chores. We decided to try it out for a month and then slowly add more. I added one household daily chore that I'm going to see if I can hold myself accountable for and see how it goes.

All has started out well so far. On day 2 I already broke one of the rules, but we both just let it go. Then yesterday I only had 6 glasses of water, should have been 8. I wondered if I should fess up or just see if he noticed, but I realised that if I don't fess up, this project will eventually just fade away and not work. I still felt a little awkward confessing, but I did and so I got my first spanking, just 3 (don't laugh we are working on this lol) we had to be careful because one Son was home and sleeping not far from our room and there's no where else in the home that's private enough. I could see DH struggled with the spanking and I do understand that too.

So I have been careful to watch my water intake today, I will keep you all updated!

Lauren
Posts: 1254
Joined: Sat Feb 03, 2018 6:45 pm
Location: Wisconsin

Re: Still deliberating....

Post by Lauren » Thu Oct 11, 2018 9:59 am

Jennifer,

I sent you a PM on Friday. Do you know how to look at those?

Jennifer
Posts: 7
Joined: Wed Oct 03, 2018 4:12 pm

Re: Still deliberating....

Post by Jennifer » Thu Oct 11, 2018 10:15 am

Lauren wrote:
Thu Oct 11, 2018 9:59 am
Jennifer,

I sent you a PM on Friday. Do you know how to look at those?
Found it and replied! Thank you for pointing it out to me :)

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sweetie
Posts: 1178
Joined: Fri May 18, 2018 6:53 am
Location: United Kingdom

Re: Still deliberating....

Post by sweetie » Thu Oct 11, 2018 10:40 am

Thanks for the update, Jennifer, sounds like you've made a good and sensible start, keeping it manageable and adding gradually.
sweetie x
Please inform MrsSweetie, my HoH, if I'm in any way impolite, disrespectful, inapproptiate, or cause any offence

Jennifer
Posts: 7
Joined: Wed Oct 03, 2018 4:12 pm

Re: Still deliberating....

Post by Jennifer » Fri Oct 12, 2018 7:40 am

sweetie wrote:
Thu Oct 11, 2018 10:40 am
Thanks for the update, Jennifer, sounds like you've made a good and sensible start, keeping it manageable and adding gradually.
Thank you so much for all your encouragement Sweetie, I enjoy your posts!

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