Hey from GA! New to DD- all advice appreciated!

Please take your time and introduce yourself to us - why Domestic Discipline, are you married, how your relationship progressed...
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Danielle416
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Aug 25, 2021 7:48 pm

Hey from GA! New to DD- all advice appreciated!

Post by Danielle416 » Thu Aug 26, 2021 6:43 am

Hey guys! I’m 35 years old, married to my husband for 11 years (together for 15), and we have 5 children.

We are brand new to DD and would love to hear advice from anyone willing to share.

Our story is a bit complicated, but it’s ours. Here’s a quick-ish version, in case anyone has been through anything similar.- I met my husband when I was newly 20 and he was almost 26. He was hesitant because of my age and how different our lives were. I grew up spoiled, while he had a very rough childhood. I was handed things in life and he was never given anything. He was in the process of buying his first home, worked his butt off at his 9-5 and was also starting a lawncare company on the side, while I was far from that. From the moment our relationship started, he was a no nonsense man, very in control of his life, and me having no idea what life was about, was eager for the guidance and dominance he offered. He handled every bill, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, - just everything. As time passed, I found my “place” so to speak, which mainly consisted of the household chores, but he remained in control of finances, and had final say in pretty much everything. I would get frustrated at times when I didn’t agree, but overall, I loved and appreciated his dominance. Over the course of the years, his business became extremely successful, we got married and had our children. Of course things changed in some areas, but his dominance never waivered. That is, until 2018. To spare you the details, he was in an accident that caused him to be prescribed pain medication. It was all downhill from there. He quickly became an addict. In early 2020, he closed his once successful business and mentally was completely checked out of our family, leaving me to step into a roll I never dreamed of or wanted to. It was up to me to work to pay all the bills, take care of all of our children, and handle the entire household. My once strong man was gone. We had to move from our 4000sf, 5 bedroom home, on 7 acres with a barn, to an 1800sf, 3 bed rental home that I could afford completely on my own. I held on to hope that he was going to snap out of it, but after a year of him literally sitting and doing nothing but watching me drown, I told him I wanted him to leave. I was so hurt for myself and my children, but mostly for him. This man was so far from the strong and steady man I knew. Never in a million years did I ever think we’d end up there. I was never supposed to be without him. I loved my submissive role, but he gave me no choice but to evolve into an independent woman with 5 children. So, when I asked him to leave, he was immediately remorseful and promised to change. The problem with that was I had already heard it so many times before, that his words were nothing but empty words to me. For the first time ever, I stood my ground and he moved out. However, this time he meant what he said. He immediately got sober, sold equipment from his previous business to start a new business, and vowed to show me every day how sorry he was for where our family ended up. Of course, I didn’t believe it, and I was stone cold to him, but he stuck to his every promise. Five months passed, he was still sober, successfully starting his new company, coming to my home to help cook and clean and help with the kids almost daily, and I found the strong and steady man I lost three years ago. After many conversations and tears, and me breaking down my walls, I asked him to move back home. Now, almost three months of him being back and being the man I missed so, so much, I found DD and approached him with it. Truth is, I was never meant to be an independent woman, and I quite honestly don’t like it at all. I miss the dominance he once offered so effortlessly, and while he doesn’t mention it at all, when asked, he immediately says yes, he misses it too, but he feels too guilty to speak up because he knows he is ultimately the reason my submissive attitude changed. I know things will never be the same because we can’t erase what we’ve been through, but I feel they can be even better. I want this more than I’ve ever wanted anything, and literally almost came to tears when reading about DD because it was exactly what I was looking for. When I approached him, he was initially slightly hesitant, but quickly followed with the fact that he would do anything to fix what he had broken, and was open to trying anything. So, now here we are and my heart is so full.

If you actually made it through the novel I wrote above, thank you so much for taking the time to read our story. If you have any advice, guidance, or words of wisdom, we would love to hear it. I am so, so proud of him and am over the moon to have found what I feel is our chance to realign our marriage to where we are both most comfortable. ❤️
Last edited by Danielle416 on Thu Aug 26, 2021 8:28 am, edited 1 time in total.

Summer
Posts: 287
Joined: Wed Apr 28, 2021 3:29 pm
Location: Missouri

Re: Hey from GA! New to DD- all advice appreciated!

Post by Summer » Thu Aug 26, 2021 8:23 am

I’m so happy to hear your story. I too was thrust into a more dominant role than I ever wanted to be in as a submissive-leaning woman. I know what you mean by being forced into being a strong, independent woman. I’m SO happy for you that your man is back in control. What a blessing. I’ll pray that things continue to go in a positive direction for you and your family. Welcome to the forum. 😊

Danielle416
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Aug 25, 2021 7:48 pm

Re: Hey from GA! New to DD- all advice appreciated!

Post by Danielle416 » Thu Aug 26, 2021 8:39 am

Thank you! While it was great to be able to prove to myself I was able to make it on my own, that was never what I wanted. I was so scared to be honest, because people can be so judgemental, but the way this man loves me is undeniable. When I asked him to leave, I was not nice. The things I said to him and the way I treated him even in the months after, while probably justified in some ways, make me embarrassed. I broke him down, but in looking back, it was because I was so broken. He was/is so concerned about me being resentful of any punishment he puts in place since ultimately he is the primary reason our roles reversed so drastically, but I think he is finally understanding how much I NEED the dominance from him. I am so excited to have found this forum!

Jacob HF
Posts: 229
Joined: Sun Jul 19, 2020 10:53 am
Location: Sacramento, CA
Contact:

Re: Hey from GA! New to DD- all advice appreciated!

Post by Jacob HF » Thu Aug 26, 2021 10:20 am

Danielle,

I feel like after you took the time to write that I should say something profound, or at least longer. But, I don't have anything for you.

Welcome to the Forum.

--Jacob

Summer
Posts: 287
Joined: Wed Apr 28, 2021 3:29 pm
Location: Missouri

Re: Hey from GA! New to DD- all advice appreciated!

Post by Summer » Thu Aug 26, 2021 12:12 pm

Take his hesitancy as a blessing even though you’re wanting that hesitancy to disappear. He loves you and doesn’t want to hurt you. That’s a great thing. Since he’s beginning to see the benefit of returning to previous roles, I’m sure things will go great for you two.

I have no actual experience as of yet, so take my comments lightly, but I’m happy for you and your husband and will love to hear how it all unfolds for you two.

Jacob HF
Posts: 229
Joined: Sun Jul 19, 2020 10:53 am
Location: Sacramento, CA
Contact:

Re: Hey from GA! New to DD- all advice appreciated!

Post by Jacob HF » Thu Aug 26, 2021 1:23 pm

I agree with Summer,

Hesitancy at a new idea is very healthy. Since you introduced the idea it means that you had already gotten used to it enough to be willing to bring it up. He will need to catch up.

He will need to learn that it isn't going to harm you and he will need to learn what he can do without harming you. He will need to learn what you need and what you want and what to do when they are not the same.

I do have a caution for you. While you are waiting for him to catch up to you you may be tempted to misbehave in small ways to challenge him to do something about it. We call it bratting. It can happen intentionally or subconsciously. Eventually, he will learn to tell when you are bratting but right now he probably can't. You need to be self-aware enough to see when you are tempted and talk to him about it instead of challenging him. It's okay to ask for a spanking if you need it, whether you have done anything wrong or not.

Above all the keys are communication, honesty, and patience.

--Jacob

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