I was the dominant one now I am submitting

Please take your time and introduce yourself to us - why Domestic Discipline, are you married, how your relationship progressed...
Jennicah
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat May 22, 2021 11:33 pm

I was the dominant one now I am submitting

Post by Jennicah » Sun May 23, 2021 5:27 am

Hello my name is Jennicah. I have been married for 15 years. I have always been a strong controlling wife. I dictated how everything was going to be. When our marriage wasn’t going well I put all the blame on my husband. I would tell him I felt like I was alone and that we were not a team. I would read books on marriage and sit him down and tell him what needed to change and back it with all my knowledge. My husband had shut down. He escaped into television, was not respected by our children and lost all sense of purpose and that he did not matter.
I gave up and was feeling all alone. I told him I wanted to separate and started talking to other men. I would stress to these men that I needed a strong man not a passive one. My husband, at this time, began really talking to me. We would talk about the men I was dating and what I was looking for in a man. We talked for days and days. We both learned through our discussions that it was not his fault for our marriage problems. I had emasculated him! I showed him little to no respect and our children followed my lead. I was tired of being the one who had to shoulder all the burden.

After telling him how wrong I had been and working through it. We realized how out of control I had gotten. We decided that we would try and flip our marriage around and he would be in charge and I would follow. We didn’t know how to change my behavior and how he would call me out for my disrespect. I told him if it gets too bad just slap me. He said he could never do that. After thinking for a couple of days, I thought maybe he wouldn’t have a hard time spanking me. He came up with a long list of rules, including asking permission for any sort of free time, such as watching tv, phone calls, and being on my phone. He has me showering, getting dressed and makeup before coffee ( I really slacked on this since I work from home). Most of all, I must obey and respect him. It was amazing, it was like the real him came to life! I challenged him and tested my boundaries. I got the belt many times a day the first week. He stood strong. I would collapse if not his arms and he was so loving and once it was done he did not hold it against me anymore. He is teaching me and guiding me. I am living a more disciplined life and learning respect. I no longer have to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. I am so much happier. We are so in love right now, we can’t get enough of each other. He is my hero. He has become my authority and is saving me from myself. I only wish we had figured this out years ago.

I am still having problems with respect and arguing everything and blowing him off. We say my ego is trying to run the show again.

Has anyone else been a dominating wife and had challenges of flipping your life completely around?

Jlampier
Posts: 1
Joined: Sun May 23, 2021 12:09 pm
Location: Nevada, USA

Re: I was the dominant one now I am submitting

Post by Jlampier » Sun May 23, 2021 12:30 pm

I am Jennicah’s HoH. I am so very proud of her progress. Our love for each other has grown so much in such a short amount of time. It has made us aware of the fact we loved each other, but weren’t actually “in love” with each other. I am proud to be her HoH.
Jennicah is my surrendered wife.

Summer
Posts: 186
Joined: Wed Apr 28, 2021 3:29 pm
Location: Missouri

Re: I was the dominant one now I am submitting

Post by Summer » Sun May 23, 2021 1:09 pm

Welcome!! It’s great meeting DD couples on here and will love hearing how this is working for you.
Hoping my long-distance relationship becomes so much more. Hoping for a DD marriage with my loving, compassionate, stern, strict man.

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Miras
Posts: 893
Joined: Thu May 03, 2018 6:26 am
Location: Prague, Czech Republic

Re: I was the dominant one now I am submitting

Post by Miras » Sun May 23, 2021 1:30 pm

Belated welcome to the united couple!
Occasionally friendly Spencerist guy
Faktor IV of MdI - Maghan
Unofficial member of The Wicked Tribe
Putting DD back into BuDDhism

Jennicah
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat May 22, 2021 11:33 pm

Re: I was the dominant one now I am submitting

Post by Jennicah » Sun May 23, 2021 2:02 pm

Thank you Miras and Summer

Vanilla Mint
Posts: 28
Joined: Sun Apr 25, 2021 2:32 pm

Re: I was the dominant one now I am submitting

Post by Vanilla Mint » Mon May 24, 2021 12:45 pm

Jennicah wrote:
Sun May 23, 2021 5:27 am
I am still having problems with respect and arguing everything and blowing him off. We say my ego is trying to run the show again.

Has anyone else been a dominating wife and had challenges of flipping your life completely around?
Hi Jennicah

I have the same problems, also with my stupid ego. :/

My story is similar. I took control, not because I'm dominant but because my husband didn't want to fight with me. I was bossy, but not in a smart way. Rather stubborn and it caused a lot of bad decisions. I made decisions not because those decisions were good, but to win the fight with him. My stupid behaviour destroyed our relationship. :( I also have problems with motivation, chores, procrastination, attitude, and more. :/ I want to be bossy but I don't have skills to be a good dominant. I have a difficult character, noting more, and I realized that a few weeks ago. (I'm 32). By accident I found information about DD and felt it's something for us, and it may help us to rebuild our marriage. I asked my husband and he agreed. So we just started. He needs to feel power in his hands again to be a strong HOH. But he is trying to be the person he was few years ago. And I want to be summissive but my ego doesn't agree with me. :lol:
I really believe DD may help us, ecpecially me.

Cheers,
Vanilla Mint

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NateG
Posts: 813
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 7:34 pm
Location: Virginia

Re: I was the dominant one now I am submitting

Post by NateG » Mon May 24, 2021 10:43 pm

Welcome both of you!

I loved reading this story. It is very inspiring and I know you will have many years ahead of getting to know each other even better than you ever had before and feeling closer than you ever had before.

Nate

Hunterjumper38
Posts: 227
Joined: Sun Mar 01, 2020 9:56 pm
Location: USA

Re: I was the dominant one now I am submitting

Post by Hunterjumper38 » Thu May 27, 2021 10:39 pm

Thank you for sharing. I totally can relate to your story. Welcome to the forum!!

leenicolelinn
Posts: 345
Joined: Thu Apr 02, 2020 6:29 am
Location: Southern Ohio

Re: I was the dominant one now I am submitting

Post by leenicolelinn » Fri May 28, 2021 12:09 pm

Welcome.

Marriage usually works when husband and wife are in the correct roles. It is just natural and much easier to be in that natural role. Don't beat yourself up about emasculating your husband or husbands not being in charge. We have been in a society where none of that matters. Most of us were raised to think "woman power" "feminism"..... the men just checked out. All of that has been the norm for a few generations now sadly. It sounds like you have realized what was happening and you are correcting it. Good for you.

DD is one tool in the husbands tool shed albeit a very effective one in my opinion. Work on respecting him and hope he will work on love and leadership.

By the way I do believe in Woman Power just not the feminazi version 😉.

Nic
Learning sweet submission and respect through my Heavenly Father and my HOH Husband.

Jennicah
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat May 22, 2021 11:33 pm

Re: I was the dominant one now I am submitting

Post by Jennicah » Fri May 28, 2021 10:10 pm

Thank all of you for your kind responses. I had a hard time asking permission for things that he wants to monitor for my own good. I got angry and withdrawn and he wasn’t sure how to handle it. I told him I didn’t want this anymore. He stayed kinda strong and said he couldn’t go back to the way things were and that I had a decision to make and let me be. With much talking and a good night of sleep, I came back around. I just don’t know how to stop from getting angry at him when my ego flares and I want to do my norm and do what I feel like doing. I feel more for him having to deal with these big mood swings from trying to adjust and not knowing the best way to handle me.

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