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Please take your time and introduce yourself to us - why Domestic Discipline, are you married, how your relationship progressed...
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Summer
Posts: 130
Joined: Wed Apr 28, 2021 3:29 pm
Location: Missouri

Hello

Post by Summer » Wed Apr 28, 2021 3:57 pm

I’ve been reading this forum for several weeks and thought it was time to join. My story is long, so I’ll try to do a really short version.

My husband is abusive, mostly psychological but in other ways as well. It became clear shortly after our wedding 15 years ago that he was not who he claimed to be and it was not safe to submit to in a Biblical sense, which is how I believe marriages should be. After 15 years of pastors, friends, and family trying to help hold him accountable, I just can’t take anymore. I’m submissive and obedient by nature, so being with someone I can’t submit to goes against my nature and is wearing me out. I’ve been trying to get free for over a year now. Covid has slowed my progress, but I’m getting close. Mostly just working on logistics.

I have a group of online friends (most of my friends and family won’t have anything to do with me anymore because they don’t want to be around my husband) that are very supportive that I’ve been talking to for about three years. One friend I’ve been talking to for over a year recently (within the last several months) revealed to me that he plans on asking me out once my divorce goes through. I was floored. I wasn’t looking for another relationship because I won’t cheat and to be completely honest, I saw myself as damaged goods no one would want.

I already trusted this man as a friend before he revealed that to me, so once he did, I’ve been finding myself longing to be able to submit to him. It would be so refreshing to me to have someone I can follow and obey. I understand from a Biblical perspective that it’s natural for a woman to want to submit to her husband (or in this case, possible future husband), but it’s been harder for me to grasp the desire I’ve felt to be disciplined by him as well. I trust him completely, so I’m not at all afraid, I just have concerns about how appropriate it will be for someone coming from an abusive situation. He has said on multiple occasions that he has no desire to make me feel like I’m under his thumb and nor will he try to dominate, but he has mentioned spanking me if I do something that puts myself or anyone else in danger. Which I agreed to. I’ve told him that if and when we get married, he’ll be getting a submissive, obedient wife because that’s just my nature. He understands but I think was slightly uncomfortable with me characterizing myself as obedient. He doesn’t want me to ever grow to resent him or feel uncomfortable with him, so he’s careful to tell me I’m free to make my own choices.

Anyway, I guess that’s where I’m at right now. I’m not sure how clear that all was, but my thoughts are a bit of a jumbled mess anyway.
Hoping my long-distance relationship becomes so much more. Hoping for a DD marriage with my loving, compassionate, stern, strict man.

Lauren
Posts: 1303
Joined: Sat Feb 03, 2018 6:45 pm
Location: Wisconsin

Re: Hello

Post by Lauren » Wed Apr 28, 2021 5:48 pm

Welcome Summer!!!

Summer
Posts: 130
Joined: Wed Apr 28, 2021 3:29 pm
Location: Missouri

Re: Hello

Post by Summer » Wed Apr 28, 2021 10:59 pm

Thanks for the warm welcome, Lauren 😊


I’m going to do a quick list of my goals/steps so I don’t lose them. As I’m still stuck in home with my husband, I have to be very careful about anything I write and leave around. Writing it here is safer.

1. Focus on getting out. It’s okay for me to look toward the future in my down time, but I need to make sure that the goals I need to meet to get out to somewhere safe and get the legal stuff going is my priority.

2. Start a goal journal once I have a place of my own. I do so much better when I have my goals written out and updates/wins/struggles added so I can see progress.

3. First date with my friend at least a month after the divorce goes through. Maybe a little longer. I’m not in a hurry, but don’t want to leave him hanging for too long.

4. If that relationship goes well, watch for an appropriate time to give him access to my journal. He absolutely hates guessing or having to “read minds”, so letting him have access to my journal will help him get to know me faster.

That’s all my general goals for now. Those will help me better remember my specific goals until I’m somewhere safe enough I can start writing things down.

I must say, as I read through more of the forum, the love that the HOHs in this group have for their tih’s and vice versa is beautiful.
Hoping my long-distance relationship becomes so much more. Hoping for a DD marriage with my loving, compassionate, stern, strict man.

Axel
Posts: 96
Joined: Wed Dec 09, 2020 4:12 pm
Location: Sweden

Re: Hello

Post by Axel » Fri Apr 30, 2021 2:21 am

Welcome Summer!
No 4 on your list is very wise! As a HoH you can – and must – be a lot of things but mind reader isn’t one of them. Your insight could be very helpful in the further development of your new relation.
Good luck!
Axel

HarveyLondon
Posts: 15
Joined: Sat Jul 25, 2020 7:54 am
Location: London UK

Re: Hello

Post by HarveyLondon » Fri Apr 30, 2021 2:43 am

Welcome Summer. I wish you luck and every happiness.

Harvey

leenicolelinn
Posts: 320
Joined: Thu Apr 02, 2020 6:29 am
Location: Southern Ohio

Re: Hello

Post by leenicolelinn » Fri Apr 30, 2021 5:59 am

Hi Summer
Welcome
Learning sweet submission and respect through my Heavenly Father and my HOH Husband.

Summer
Posts: 130
Joined: Wed Apr 28, 2021 3:29 pm
Location: Missouri

Re: Hello

Post by Summer » Fri Apr 30, 2021 8:17 am

Axel wrote:
Fri Apr 30, 2021 2:21 am
Welcome Summer!
No 4 on your list is very wise! As a HoH you can – and must – be a lot of things but mind reader isn’t one of them. Your insight could be very helpful in the further development of your new relation.
Good luck!
Axel
Thanks for the encouragement and the warm welcome! I tend to get wordy, so I’ll have to work on making sure my journal stays on point for him. 😁
Hoping my long-distance relationship becomes so much more. Hoping for a DD marriage with my loving, compassionate, stern, strict man.

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