Vanilla Mint says 'Hello' :)

Please take your time and introduce yourself to us - why Domestic Discipline, are you married, how your relationship progressed...
Vanilla Mint
Posts: 28
Joined: Sun Apr 25, 2021 2:32 pm

Vanilla Mint says 'Hello' :)

Post by Vanilla Mint » Mon Apr 26, 2021 10:59 am

Hi everyone!

I'm 32y.o. mother of two. I'm 6 years with an amazing man, and amazing dad of our kids. I even don't know how thats happend I'm here :lol: by accident I've found out a DD and discovered this forum. Maybe a fate gave me a chance to find a solution of mine problems. Long story short. 

Last couple of years we have relation issues, and I have to admit, 99% of them are because of me :( I have difficult character, I'm stubborn, I'm getting angry fast and overreacting. If we disagree I talk in a direspectful way. I have huuuuuuge problem with motivation, procrastination, chores, behave in a proper way to my husband. I'm shame of it, I tried change those things but nothing works for more than couple of days :( I read a lot of about selfmotivation but everything failed, even promises I gave to my husband :( I know he is very disappointed, he loves me, he wants to help me with a mess I have in my head, but he doesn't know how to help. I didn't know either. Untill now! By accident I read a blog about DD, and I really felt it might be something for me. I read more about DD and some of your stories and I really want to try! Really badly want to try. As a child I've got few times spanking, I didn't like it but worked perfectly. So maybe punishment spanking will help me as an adult. To be honest, I feel I need an iron hand in my life to keep me in line. Without being aware of getting serious punishment I became spoiled, rude, lazy and disrespectful.



And now, I have no idea how to talk about DD with mu husband. How to find a courage? How to say that I want to try life this way, but without seeming like I lost my mind? How to convince him that spanking isn't something wrong if we both agree. That giving me punishment he is helping me to improve our marriage, and fight my weaknesses. 

I'm really afraid he'll say I'm crazy, and doesn't agree to try. 


To be prepared, firstly, I want to think more about DD, and what I really need form DD. I want to think over how DD can impact in a good way on my husband, his feeling, his self-esteem. How it may makes better our relationship and improve family. Then I want to talk with him, but I'm a big coward :( 


Where have you found a courge to ask for DD? 


Should be short, but as always I talk too much ;)


Cheers,

Vanilla Mint

Kitdesigner
Posts: 11
Joined: Fri May 01, 2020 1:10 am

Re: Vanilla Mint says 'Hello' :)

Post by Kitdesigner » Mon Apr 26, 2021 12:29 pm

Here's a good starting point
It's simple and helped explain what I couldn't to my husband.

https://freethoughtblogs.com/pharyngula ... 06/CDD.pdf

Lauren
Posts: 1310
Joined: Sat Feb 03, 2018 6:45 pm
Location: Wisconsin

Re: Vanilla Mint says 'Hello' :)

Post by Lauren » Mon Apr 26, 2021 12:54 pm

Kitdesigner wrote:
Mon Apr 26, 2021 12:29 pm
Here's a good starting point
It's simple and helped explain what I couldn't to my husband.

https://freethoughtblogs.com/pharyngula ... 06/CDD.pdf
Yes, very good starting point!!

Vanilla Mint
Posts: 28
Joined: Sun Apr 25, 2021 2:32 pm

Re: Vanilla Mint says 'Hello' :)

Post by Vanilla Mint » Mon Apr 26, 2021 1:50 pm

Lauren wrote:
Mon Apr 26, 2021 12:54 pm
Kitdesigner wrote:
Mon Apr 26, 2021 12:29 pm
Here's a good starting point
It's simple and helped explain what I couldn't to my husband.

https://freethoughtblogs.com/pharyngula ... 06/CDD.pdf
Yes, very good starting point!!
Thank you so much! It's really helpfull to have basic information at one place.

I'm really bad at tete-a-tete talks, I'm shy :( Do you think may I text him about DD, before I we talk face to face? I'm visiting my family home for next 4 weeks, husband is at our home. I thought it may give him a time to think how he feels, read something about DD. I don't want to scare him. I want to make him happy again in our dynamics. Sometimes he is so angry at me, that I almost can see he wants to give me some swats, but I'm not sure if he is able to admit that, and spank me in a real life. Is it a good idea or better wait till I come back home?

Lauren
Posts: 1310
Joined: Sat Feb 03, 2018 6:45 pm
Location: Wisconsin

Re: Vanilla Mint says 'Hello' :)

Post by Lauren » Mon Apr 26, 2021 2:18 pm

First off, what are tete-a-tete talks??? :lol:

I think sending him the information while you are away is a great idea. The sooner the better! It gives him an opportunity to read it, think about it and dig into his own research. If he thinks you're crazy than you have a few weeks before you have to "face him."

Vanilla Mint
Posts: 28
Joined: Sun Apr 25, 2021 2:32 pm

Re: Vanilla Mint says 'Hello' :)

Post by Vanilla Mint » Mon Apr 26, 2021 2:52 pm

Tête-à-tête means "face to face" in French :) I thought in English it's a common phrase :D

Okey, so propably I text him in 2 weeks or so. Then I have a time to think before sending a message, and he get 2 weeks to make sure I'm not crazy :lol:

Lauren
Posts: 1310
Joined: Sat Feb 03, 2018 6:45 pm
Location: Wisconsin

Re: Vanilla Mint says 'Hello' :)

Post by Lauren » Mon Apr 26, 2021 4:48 pm

Face to Face is a common phrase in English. I just had no clue what it translated to in French.

I would do it sooner than 2 weeks. But that's just me. I don't sit and wait. I'm a doer! :lol:

Hunterjumper38
Posts: 217
Joined: Sun Mar 01, 2020 9:56 pm
Location: USA

Re: Vanilla Mint says 'Hello' :)

Post by Hunterjumper38 » Mon Apr 26, 2021 6:07 pm

I can totally understand feeling nervous. I know I was! But, the best thing is to be honest and communicate your feelings with your husband. You will know pretty quick what he thinks and go from there. Just be honest with him and tell him you are trying to come up with ways to help your relationship. I hope everything goes well for you! Keep us updated :)

Vanilla Mint
Posts: 28
Joined: Sun Apr 25, 2021 2:32 pm

Re: Vanilla Mint says 'Hello' :)

Post by Vanilla Mint » Tue Apr 27, 2021 1:07 am

Lauren wrote:
Mon Apr 26, 2021 4:48 pm
Face to Face is a common phrase in English. I just had no clue what it translated to in French.

I would do it sooner than 2 weeks. But that's just me. I don't sit and wait. I'm a doer! :lol:
I mean, I thought French phrase 'tete-a-tete' is a common in English :)

Hmmm maybe I do sooner. I just need to find a courage to do that. 2 weeks is my deadline to give him at least 2 weeks to think :)

Vanilla Mint
Posts: 28
Joined: Sun Apr 25, 2021 2:32 pm

Re: Vanilla Mint says 'Hello' :)

Post by Vanilla Mint » Tue Apr 27, 2021 1:24 am

Hunterjumper38 wrote:
Mon Apr 26, 2021 6:07 pm
I can totally understand feeling nervous. I know I was! But, the best thing is to be honest and communicate your feelings with your husband. You will know pretty quick what he thinks and go from there. Just be honest with him and tell him you are trying to come up with ways to help your relationship. I hope everything goes well for you! Keep us updated :)
And how your husband reacted? I'm so afraid he will call a doctor :? instead saying "Great idea! Let's try!' :D
First time, since a very long time I feel, there is something what can help me with my weaknesses and being stupidly subborn.

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