New HOH here!

Please take your time and introduce yourself to us - why Domestic Discipline, are you married, how your relationship progressed...
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AnthonyHOH
Posts: 7
Joined: Thu Feb 04, 2021 11:27 am

New HOH here!

Post by AnthonyHOH » Thu Feb 04, 2021 1:50 pm

Hello, for privacy reasons I have used Anthony as a name. I just want to introduce myself. My wife and I have been off and on practicing DD for the last 3 years. So I suppose that I'm not really new but this last commitment to it we decided that we really wanted to stay the course and use DD more effectively in our marriage.

My wife is naturally submissive, and I am naturally dominant. This has been a huge point of contention in our marriage because I have always wanted her to be more assertive and take command of things. However she just isn't that way and so I recommended that since most of the major responsibilities fall on my shoulders than we should move to this type of marriage. She read up on it and she really liked the idea.

She's not a huge fan of the spankings which I think is a good thing because she isn't a bratt. She doesn't do things that get her in trouble. If she gets in trouble its because she made a mistake or whatever the circumstance is etc...

In January of this year we were fighting a lot which is not normal for us so I told her that I was going to be a lot more consistent and we were going to have weekly maintenance spankings and regular discipline.

Yesterday was definitely when the rubber met the road. I had been telling her for 4 days to take care of something in our home. I had the day off so when I woke up and saw that it was not taken care of I knew immediately she was going to get spanked.

When she got home from workout class I told her to set our youngest up outside to play in his playground because she was going to get a spanking. She had such a look of defeat on her. She made three of four excuses why she failed to do what had been asked of her and she told me that it was because she just didn't have enough time. Inside I wanted to let her off. I wanted to forgive her because she was so genuine in her reasoning. But I had promised her that we weren't going to stray from this and so I instructed her to meet me in our bathroom.

After about 5 minutes over my knee she was already crying. But our discipline spanking consist of 5-10 minutes over my knee and than 10 good swats with an implement of my choice. So after my hand I instructed her to bend over the chair to get 15 licks with the small belt strap we bought from caniac.

After that she was visibly crying and flustered. However she hugged me tight for about 10 minutes afterwards. Her butt was crimson red and I could already see a small bruise coming to the surface of her very pale white skin.

It was the most difficult spanking to date. To the HOH's in this forum. How do you not feel compassion for your spouse even when what they have done deserves punishment? Or do you use compassion to alter your decision if the circumstance calls for it? Any help would be much appreciated and I look forward to any insight I can use to keep as consistent as possible on this journey of DD.

-Anthony

VernAKmiss
Posts: 152
Joined: Sat Oct 31, 2020 12:18 am

Re: New HOH here!

Post by VernAKmiss » Thu Feb 04, 2021 4:18 pm

I don’t have advice from the HOH perspective but I just wanted to say welcome. I can tell that you have a strong love for your wife and desire to do right by her through this lifestyle. That is refreshing and wonderful to see.

From the perspective of the submissive wife, I know that punishing me isn’t easy for him and he doesn’t enjoy it. But I know that his motivation to do it properly and justly is with good intent to help me grow and become a better wife and mother. Afterwards I feel a strong sense of his love and care. I appreciate his willingness to help me stay motivated and accountable. Also the flip side of it can be that knowing I’ve earned a punishment, and he ‘goes easy on me or lets me off the hook’ I feel a sense of disappointment like he’s not taking this seriously. So while yes, I believe compassion from my HOH can be warranted at times especially being pregnant and emotional and not always feeling my best right now... I crave his continual and unwavering guidance through his leadership fueled by love. ♥️

roseami
Posts: 50
Joined: Sun Mar 15, 2020 6:37 pm

Re: New HOH here!

Post by roseami » Thu Feb 04, 2021 5:13 pm

Welcome to the forum!
I am a TiH, but I do have a thought about the question you asked. It is good and natural to feel compassion for you wife's feelings in the moment, but you probably feel at the same time a deep caring for her long term well-being. If going easier with a spanking is something that would be likely to mean she will earn another one for something else sooner than she might otherwise, you are not would not be doing either of you a favor by going lighter. If on the other hand, a less harsh spanking can be effective enough to get the message across, then you might want to consider that. Also, you should find out whether your wife feels that spankings should be proportional (i.e. must punishment be worse than maintenance for it to not seem like maintenance is like getting punished for nothing? Or is it enough to have an appropriate lecture added to the punishment in some cases?).
My HoH always checks in by asking me if I have learned my lesson yet? If I don't say yes right away, he continues. That helps to make sure that I always get enough discipline to be motivated sufficiently by it.

Axel
Posts: 70
Joined: Wed Dec 09, 2020 4:12 pm
Location: Sweden

Re: New HOH here!

Post by Axel » Fri Feb 05, 2021 1:27 am

Anthony!
Welcome to us!

I tend to think that if I let her off the hook – I let her down! The two TiH:s that had answered this far, seem to agree.

Compassion is a key element to all DD-relations, I’m sure. But when both of us choose these dynamics, consistency is one of the ways we show our wife’s that we love them. (And the biggest challenge for my, as HoH, is just that: consistency! A constant struggle, an awareness that I have to improve.)

It’s a strange thing: I never, never ever want my wife to suffer! Not with any pain, physical or emotional. And I would do anything to protect her from that!
Except when I spank. I never feel any sense of remorse, nor do I feel sorry for her. (If I would – I wouldn’t spank!)

Instead, I focus on her. How she reacts, moves, sounds. Her body sends me information of how to proceed. How much harder, longer, if I should scold her more or less. Some sort of “tough love”, I guess…

This is an artform that takes a lifetime to master, I’m sure – but that’s how I approach the dilemma you brought up. And I want to be better at it!

Hope we will talk more!
Axel

AnthonyHOH
Posts: 7
Joined: Thu Feb 04, 2021 11:27 am

Re: New HOH here!

Post by AnthonyHOH » Fri Feb 05, 2021 10:18 am

VernAKmiss wrote:
Thu Feb 04, 2021 4:18 pm
I don’t have advice from the HOH perspective but I just wanted to say welcome. I can tell that you have a strong love for your wife and desire to do right by her through this lifestyle. That is refreshing and wonderful to see.

From the perspective of the submissive wife, I know that punishing me isn’t easy for him and he doesn’t enjoy it. But I know that his motivation to do it properly and justly is with good intent to help me grow and become a better wife and mother. Afterwards I feel a strong sense of his love and care. I appreciate his willingness to help me stay motivated and accountable. Also the flip side of it can be that knowing I’ve earned a punishment, and he ‘goes easy on me or lets me off the hook’ I feel a sense of disappointment like he’s not taking this seriously. So while yes, I believe compassion from my HOH can be warranted at times especially being pregnant and emotional and not always feeling my best right now... I crave his continual and unwavering guidance through his leadership fueled by love. ♥️
VernAKmiss thank you so much for the perspective. I hope that my wife shares this desire for consistency. She is truly my best friend and I don't ever want her to get to the place of feeling unvalued. What I find so interesting is after the spanking, even though she cried and was upset she had such a better attitude throughout the day and this week has been excellent as far as the results it produced. Thank you for the response.

AnthonyHOH
Posts: 7
Joined: Thu Feb 04, 2021 11:27 am

Re: New HOH here!

Post by AnthonyHOH » Fri Feb 05, 2021 10:21 am

roseami wrote:
Thu Feb 04, 2021 5:13 pm
Welcome to the forum!
I am a TiH, but I do have a thought about the question you asked. It is good and natural to feel compassion for you wife's feelings in the moment, but you probably feel at the same time a deep caring for her long term well-being. If going easier with a spanking is something that would be likely to mean she will earn another one for something else sooner than she might otherwise, you are not would not be doing either of you a favor by going lighter. If on the other hand, a less harsh spanking can be effective enough to get the message across, then you might want to consider that. Also, you should find out whether your wife feels that spankings should be proportional (i.e. must punishment be worse than maintenance for it to not seem like maintenance is like getting punished for nothing? Or is it enough to have an appropriate lecture added to the punishment in some cases?).
My HoH always checks in by asking me if I have learned my lesson yet? If I don't say yes right away, he continues. That helps to make sure that I always get enough discipline to be motivated sufficiently by it.
roseami I very much appreciate the perspective that you provided. I followed through with what you said and asked her last night if she feels like the maintenance is either too harsh or not harsh enough on weeks where she feels like she has done everything expected of her. Her answer was that she knows why we do maintenance but she sometimes can't tell the difference between a maintenance spanking and a discipline spanking. So I told her that this week's maintenance will be drastically different from the discipline she received a couple days ago. I appreciate you bringing this up. Thank you again.

AnthonyHOH
Posts: 7
Joined: Thu Feb 04, 2021 11:27 am

Re: New HOH here!

Post by AnthonyHOH » Fri Feb 05, 2021 10:26 am

Axel wrote:
Fri Feb 05, 2021 1:27 am
Anthony!
Welcome to us!

I tend to think that if I let her off the hook – I let her down! The two TiH:s that had answered this far, seem to agree.

Compassion is a key element to all DD-relations, I’m sure. But when both of us choose these dynamics, consistency is one of the ways we show our wife’s that we love them. (And the biggest challenge for my, as HoH, is just that: consistency! A constant struggle, an awareness that I have to improve.)

It’s a strange thing: I never, never ever want my wife to suffer! Not with any pain, physical or emotional. And I would do anything to protect her from that!
Except when I spank. I never feel any sense of remorse, nor do I feel sorry for her. (If I would – I wouldn’t spank!)

Instead, I focus on her. How she reacts, moves, sounds. Her body sends me information of how to proceed. How much harder, longer, if I should scold her more or less. Some sort of “tough love”, I guess…

This is an artform that takes a lifetime to master, I’m sure – but that’s how I approach the dilemma you brought up. And I want to be better at it!

Hope we will talk more!
Axel
Axel, WOW!! That was great insight! Most of what you said is exactly how I feel. I try my best to read her emotions when I discipline her. However she starts crying when I've only used my hand for 4 or 5 minutes so I know that I can't stop there. I try to spank on all layers of clothing as to give her a good warm up starting over her pants, than her underwear and lastly on the bare. And I never go straight to an implement. I personally think that's too extreme for her and I don't think the spanking would be effective. She would just be in a lot of pain and the mental aspect of being spanked wouldn't get through to her. I have seen great results this week. Yesterday she even thanked me for following through with spanking her which caught me completely off guard. Yes, let's talk more. Your words were extremely helpful. I look forward to a friendship in this forum. God Bless!

Axel
Posts: 70
Joined: Wed Dec 09, 2020 4:12 pm
Location: Sweden

Re: New HOH here!

Post by Axel » Fri Feb 05, 2021 2:10 pm

Anthony!
I'm here to make new friends! Since so much on these pages is public I’m happy to continue in PM:s.

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