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Please take your time and introduce yourself to us - why Domestic Discipline, are you married, how your relationship progressed...
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aappqq
Posts: 5
Joined: Sun Jan 31, 2021 5:08 am

Hello

Post by aappqq » Sun Jan 31, 2021 1:24 pm

I am new here and new to DD as well. I am not sure how 'The surrendered wife' by Laura Doyle 'crosses' over to DD. Both seem to have the same idea but from different angles. The idea is basically for your husband to love you more. This seems to be a woman's thing and she will do anything to achieve it even if it means getting hurt which DD does. People are people not angels, and no one is perfect certainly not all the time. The idea of DD what is called punishment seems to be that women feel they have to have it not as punishment as such, but that their man should still love her. For some reason if the man feels she gets punishment for wrongdoing he will love her otherwise not. The punishment as I read on here is basically to degrade her. There seems to be quite a list, but they all add up to that. It also seems that the punishment is not really to improve her, although it may, but to foster love. I can understand if her 'sin' was doing something against him, but I read that it is often having done something wrong nothing really to do with him. Even so she expects punishment. I dont quite understand that. I must also add something. I dont approve of a woman being scared to do something or to say something for fear of punishment. If she feels angry then she shouldnt hold it in her. If she is upset with her husband for whatever reason she should tell him off, she can always say sorry afterwards. If DD causes her to hold back I dont think it is a good idea at all. On the other hand like some write they have some kind of method where the wife shows her husband in some way daily that he is the boss, that I think is a very good idea. And I mean good for the wife. And the more it shows the better. I would say that should even be done in front of children, however young they also have to know this and it is good for them.

kept-in-line-still
Posts: 15
Joined: Mon Jan 25, 2021 6:21 am

Re: Hello

Post by kept-in-line-still » Sun Jan 31, 2021 2:00 pm

aappqq wrote:
Sun Jan 31, 2021 1:24 pm
I am new here and new to DD as well. I am not sure how 'The surrendered wife' by Laura Doyle 'crosses' over to DD. Both seem to have the same idea but from different angles. The idea is basically for your husband to love you more. This seems to be a woman's thing and she will do anything to achieve it even if it means getting hurt which DD does. People are people not angels, and no one is perfect certainly not all the time. The idea of DD what is called punishment seems to be that women feel they have to have it not as punishment as such, but that their man should still love her. For some reason if the man feels she gets punishment for wrongdoing he will love her otherwise not. The punishment as I read on here is basically to degrade her. There seems to be quite a list, but they all add up to that. It also seems that the punishment is not really to improve her, although it may, but to foster love. I can understand if her 'sin' was doing something against him, but I read that it is often having done something wrong nothing really to do with him. Even so she expects punishment. I dont quite understand that. I must also add something. I dont approve of a woman being scared to do something or to say something for fear of punishment. If she feels angry then she shouldnt hold it in her. If she is upset with her husband for whatever reason she should tell him off, she can always say sorry afterwards. If DD causes her to hold back I dont think it is a good idea at all. On the other hand like some write they have some kind of method where the wife shows her husband in some way daily that he is the boss, that I think is a very good idea. And I mean good for the wife. And the more it shows the better. I would say that should even be done in front of children, however young they also have to know this and it is good for them.
Hi and welcome.

I’ve got a few questions. You say you are new to DD, does that mean you and your partner practice a DD-lifestyle? Or that you wish to? If so, are you the submissive or the dominant? And I might have missed something, are you a woman or a man?

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DesertRose
Posts: 669
Joined: Sun Jul 22, 2018 1:34 pm

Re: Hello

Post by DesertRose » Sun Jan 31, 2021 4:43 pm

Welcome to the forum.

I think it depends on how you view it. DD is a lifestyle where the husband (in most cases) is the leader of the family. He makes the rules and has the final say. His decisions should be made for what he sees best for his family as a whole and also to protect his wife and children individually.

Even though respect is mutual, the spouses are not exactly equal. It's required from the wife (in most cases) to submit and to be obedient to her husband. This may sound "unjust" to some people, but DD is a relationship that is based on trust. She submits to him because she trusts that he loves her and wants what is best for their family. Punishments are there to make sure that rules are followed. Rules are just empty words without consequences.

With that being said, it doesn't mean that the woman cannot have a voice or an opinion on any issue. It's exactly the opposite. Her husband is required to listen to her and allow her to express herself freely but respectfully. And he is also required to apologize if he was disrespectful to her too.

You can think of it as the relationship between a boss and employees. They can communicate their opinions, but at the end of the day, the boss is the one who makes the final decisions.

The goal of DD is to reduce arguments and to increase harmony and peace in the home. Many couples said that their communication level has improved after practicing DD.

There's also a side of DD that many people overlook, which is the praise and rewards a wife gets when she's submissive and obedient. A good husband would notice his wife's good behavior and would compliments her on it as much as he would notice rule-breaking. I think this is what women crave the most in DD. It's the closeness and the fact that her man is noticing her. Submissiveness is femininity.
🌸 I want a husband who will love me enough to punish me.
DesertRose

VernAKmiss
Posts: 152
Joined: Sat Oct 31, 2020 12:18 am

Re: Hello

Post by VernAKmiss » Sun Jan 31, 2021 5:51 pm

I’ll start off with saying your post was a bit difficult to read and understand and I’m not exactly sure I understand your concern or point fully but I’ll share my perspective based off what I understood you to mean.

I find that since we have newly (last fall) incorporated DD into our lives, it’s not at all about fear or degradation but about accountability, encouragement and his willingness to step into a role that will help me improve as a wife, mother, friend and daughter of God. This was my idea and desire to implement within our marriage. I am so glad we did. We are struggling a bit with consistency which I think is very normal and expected but we’re going with it.

Your point you made about a woman being afraid not being okay I do agree with. DD SHOULD ALWAYS BE MUTUALLY AGREED ON BEFORE HAND. It would absolutely be abuse and unhealthy for a woman to fear sharing something with her husband out of fear of being punished against her will. However, the flip side of that is, once you have come to mutual agreements within DD for accountability and to better yourself there will be slip ups. (Working on health or chores or finances or habits or whatever it is you’ve agreed on.) Example: I wanted my husband to help keep me accountable with my sugar intake and limiting soda and sugary treats to once a week. I made the choice, fully knowing the consequences coming to break that goal and eat a candy bar. Did I ‘fear’ writing it in the journal knowing he would see it and that I would be spanked?? I mean maybe a little because once you’re in this no one LIKES to say hey, I messed up, I need to be punished accordingly. So that part is very normal and expected. But it’s that ‘fear’ that encourages us to continue to make the right choice. And it’s his follow through and consistency that provides the structure and accountability we’re asking for within this lifestyle. At least for me....

aappqq
Posts: 5
Joined: Sun Jan 31, 2021 5:08 am

Re: Hello

Post by aappqq » Mon Feb 01, 2021 2:19 am

DD is basically against todays womans lib. The bible says Eve was punished by having to be subservient to Adam. This was the case for thousands of years. Using your example of candy bar. If you thought it was poison nothing would make yuu eat it. But fear of punishment sometimes doesnt over ride your craze to want to eat it. Of course without punishment you would be eating it all time. One wonders how bad the punishment really is. I also get the impression on here that some women badly want the punishment, it brings their husband nearer to her and specially eat the candy bar even if they dont have to just to get the punishment. Of course DD makes you a better woman and in this case a better wife and your marriage will certainly last longer than practicing womens lib. I must say something, I find it really 'great' for a woman today to consent to this. I wonder what makes her do it. Is it a 'special' type of woman. Is it usually a second marriage having failed the first one. I do notice that some men on here have told their wife either DD or divorce, but I guess they are the minority. I also think that every man should really be saying that to his wife. Many say on here that their husband has to be 'forced' to take this step and doesnt do it willingly. I can understand that it is totally against the modern world. The women are basically asking to be children and to be treated like them. The truth is that that is really what they still are in a way and it is good to see that they realise it.

VernAKmiss
Posts: 152
Joined: Sat Oct 31, 2020 12:18 am

Re: Hello

Post by VernAKmiss » Mon Feb 01, 2021 3:33 am

What do you mean it goes against a woman’s lib?? I don’t think I understand. I am a bit confused by your stance as one sentence seems to contradict the next. ...???

Yes in our relationship I was the one who introduced DD to my husband. It was something about the structure, the submissiveness and accountability that I craved from an early age. Possibly stemming from having very few boundaries as a child and little discipline from my parents. It was something I knew I needed and therefore I craved it as an adult. It took me being married 10 years to fully express the desires of my heart surrounding DD to my husband. So we are both new to our roles here and there is definitely a learning curve on both ends. We both have agreed that the benefits are clear and noticeable and we are both falling into our roles nicely. He has yet to punish me on the spot or same day for a break in rules, we have begun weekly check ins with review of the week to address situations but have fallen out of that with life and kids and sickness etc... I desire him to be a hoh who will ultimately punish me immediately as possible and then yes those rule breaks will become much easier to avoid knowing punishment is imminent. Also with breaking of any habit there are going to be struggles and I do know that there are certain situations where women ‘brat’ to get a spanking but in our case I’ve been lax with my rules/goals because of the lack of follow through on his part. It’s an interesting balance and we’re working things out as we go and we both have a long ways to go for him to be fully HOH and me to be fully submissive wife. It’s been a fun journey so far and I’m looking forward to see how it molds our future together.

aappqq
Posts: 5
Joined: Sun Jan 31, 2021 5:08 am

Re: Hello

Post by aappqq » Mon Feb 01, 2021 4:56 am

I gather from your reply that you are not really into DD. I would add something though. DD is supposed to be agreed by the wife to make it meaningful. But that doesnt mean she should be the one to decide how it should be done and when. I would say the main part of DD is trusting the man to do it as he thinks fit. He will make mistakes but the wife has to agree to live with them even if at the time she knows this. If she is cleverer than him DD is hardly possible. He cant make mistakes too often. Even love cant cover that.

VernAKmiss
Posts: 152
Joined: Sat Oct 31, 2020 12:18 am

Re: Hello

Post by VernAKmiss » Mon Feb 01, 2021 12:21 pm

Okay 👍🏻

Lauren
Posts: 1338
Joined: Sat Feb 03, 2018 6:45 pm
Location: Wisconsin

Re: Hello

Post by Lauren » Mon Feb 01, 2021 12:35 pm

aappqq,

May I ask what your purpose of being here is? Your posts are very confusing. And there's the matter of you refusing to answer kept-in-lines questions. Do you have an agenda here?

VernAKmiss
Posts: 152
Joined: Sat Oct 31, 2020 12:18 am

Re: Hello

Post by VernAKmiss » Mon Feb 01, 2021 8:52 pm

Lauren wrote:
Mon Feb 01, 2021 12:35 pm
aappqq,

May I ask what your purpose of being here is? Your posts are very confusing. And there's the matter of you refusing to answer kept-in-lines questions. Do you have an agenda here?
I agree Lauren. Super confusing.

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