Lauren wrote: ↑
Wed Jan 06, 2021 12:34 pm
Go for it!!
Ok, but please give me suggestions for changes.
I bought us something. Me something. Still sort of us something. And I really don’t know how you’re going to feel about it. I’d like you to really listen to me, before you completely negate everything I’m saying, ok? And I’m sorry I can’t seem the find the words - or the courage - to talk to you about this in person.
We’ve talked about this before and for the most part you were so totally against it, so I need to explain my reasoning and hope you’ll understand and maybe agree to give it a try for a bit.
PLEASE OPEN THE BOX BEFORE READING THE NEXT PAGE.
I didn’t buy this for play. I’ve really given some things about me some thought in the last couple of weeks, and I don’t ever want us to go back to where we were last month. Or even in the last year. I have a habit of taking my frustrations with life in general out on you. I too, can get snarky and condescending with you, like I accuse you of being with me. I think we both have a habit of bringing up past wrongs in the middle of an argument and I don’t want to do that any more.
There are things I want to correct about myself, and I’m asking for your help in doing that. I cannot sleep well for the feelings of shame and guilt I have for the things I’ve said to you. For the many times I’ve taken you for granted, or not appreciating what I have in you. In a lot of ways, it also shames me to ask you to consider doing this. I realize that what I’m asking for here is different and I want so badly for you to understand that your using this paddle to the point that I feel the after effects every time I sit down is what I think I need to relieve the things I’m feeling.
I know you’ve looked at some of those pictures online and said “I’m not going to do that to you”, but that’s why I bought this, instead of something heavy and wooden, or brought you something like a bamboo cane or a heavy switch. I’m not interested in having blood dripping down my legs. But I wanted to find something that you might feel more comfortable won’t cause permanent harm, and still produce the results I feel like I need. I also wanted something that we don’t use for play, even when we play hard, because I don’t want to get it mixed up in my head.
If you agree to do this, I want you to understand that I am ok with this, and that I’m asking you to do it. It’s a bottom (and a pretty fleshy one at that
), so it’s not like it can’t take a lot. But I need you to also deliver them slowly so I don’t panic like I did with that huge paddle you made for me. And I promise that if you decide on a specific number that if I honestly can’t take that many I’ll tell you and we can go from there. But I don’t want you to just stop because you think you’re hurting me. We have a safe word and I think it’s important to have, even in a situation like I’m describing. For you, as much as for me.
What I’m hoping you’ll do is agree to use this soon so we can both let go of any past mistakes and move on. I know you probably feel like you already have...but I still worry because things get all screwed up for me. And maybe if you feel like I’ve been truly punished, you’ll forgive my past mistakes and I can forgive myself. And then I hope you’ll use it in the future if you need to. I also promise to come to you if I feel this need, for whatever reason, instead of intentionally pushing you to get what I think I need. Because intentionally pushing you is not conducive to a healthy relationship.
I love you with my entire soul. Despite what I’ve said in the recent past, I never stopped. I just wanted our behavior towards each other to stop.
Would you be willing to give this a try for me?