Hi from SC!

Please take your time and introduce yourself to us - why Domestic Discipline, are you married, how your relationship progressed...
Tessa
Posts: 11
Joined: Sun Jan 03, 2021 9:03 pm

Hi from SC!

Post by Tessa » Sun Jan 03, 2021 9:05 pm

Hi! I’m Tessa and I’ve been lurking for a bit. I decided to register because my life is changing and I may need a bit of help to process/deal with it. Anyway...I hope to get to know some of you. You seem like a friendly group.

VernAKmiss
Posts: 127
Joined: Sat Oct 31, 2020 12:18 am

Re: Hi from SC!

Post by VernAKmiss » Sun Jan 03, 2021 9:18 pm

Hello and welcome!! Would love to hear a bit about your story and life with DD.

HisClaire
Posts: 6
Joined: Sun Jan 03, 2021 12:08 am

Re: Hi from SC!

Post by HisClaire » Sun Jan 03, 2021 9:22 pm

Welcome, Tessa. I’m new as well. Looking forward to learning more about you.

Olivia
Posts: 883
Joined: Mon Nov 25, 2019 11:09 am

Re: Hi from SC!

Post by Olivia » Sun Jan 03, 2021 9:42 pm

Welcome!!!

Emily
Posts: 578
Joined: Fri Nov 08, 2019 3:49 am
Location: UK

Re: Hi from SC!

Post by Emily » Mon Jan 04, 2021 1:28 am

Welcome! :)
Happily married to the most wonderful and loving guy! 💖💖💖

Tessa
Posts: 11
Joined: Sun Jan 03, 2021 9:03 pm

Re: Hi from SC!

Post by Tessa » Mon Jan 04, 2021 6:15 am

Ok, a little (maybe a lot) about me. I’ve been married for 31 years. I’m 54, hubby is 65. We’ve played with erotic spankings (some quite hard) since the beginning of our marriage.

About ten years in, I started exploring DD, and approached hubby and wanted to try it. He was NOT on board at all; however we had an incident and I guess he thought “well, she wants this and since she’s really screwed up, I’m going to give it to her (it was a big mistake in our business out of simple carelessness and procrastination that cost us a lot of money, not something like an affair or anything). Anyway, we didn’t discuss what was going to happen. It was fairly late one evening, the kids were in bed, and we lived a long, long way from anyone else. He asked me to come outside with him to help him get something in the truck, so I did. When I got to the truck, he had the tailgate down and this handmade, two foot long, 1/2 thick paddle (which I didn’t see at first) . He told me to hop up on the tailgate, because he wanted to talk to me. He addressed the mistake and told me how disappointed he was and what he felt like we should do going forwards to ensure we have some checks and balances in place to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Then he produces this paddle and tells me that he wants me to get off the tailgate, remove the bottom half of my clothes and bend over the tailgate. He explained that he had made the paddle himself, just for me, and he was going to use it to make sure I understood how serious this was. In all honesty, I was a bit - excited? relieved? That he was going to do this. So I immediately complied and he began using this paddle. To my shame, I panicked. Though our erotic sessions had been quite hard over the years, this was different. I’m not sure, looking back, that it was any harder at all...but I panicked. Maybe it was the surprise, maybe it was because I wasn’t expecting it, or that it started out so hard....but I freaked out and started crying with the second or third blow. I jumped up and put my arms around him and told him how sorry I was, tears streaming down my face, and he comforted me and told me to bend back over. I did as I was told, legs shaking and scared and he used it three more times but much more gently and then it was over. He helped me pull my clothes back up, threw the paddle to the ground and took my hand to lead me back inside. Once inside we curled up on the sofa and he asked if I was ok. I’d calmed down by that point and out my head on his shoulder and we just sort of sat there. I think we were both stunned. The next day I had bruises - a few of them pretty deep. I didn’t mind them - I was totally ok...but HE freaked out and felt awful. It’s never happened again.


Fast forward to the last couple of years. He had a serious health scare and almost died. Since then, he’s been snarky, verbally mean and condescending with me. I knew it was the trauma, the fact that he was having difficulty healing, maybe even some depression. Though I tried to talk to him about it multiple times, it never got any better and started getting to MY attitude. I became even more snarky. Even more condescending and quite frankly, was ready to leave the marriage. The “D” word has been thrown around. I said some things that can’t be taken back. I threw away some things that can’t be replaced (pictures of us, 31 years worth of cards between us, etc). We finally sat down and talked this out, and he went back to the doctor. The doctor put him on medication and within two weeks, he was back to the guy I married...but I couldn’t let it go. Something in my head got all screwed up and I just shut down. I wasn’t talking to him, wasn’t cooking for him, wasn’t eating. I lost 25 pounds in a month. And then I realized...he’s in my blood. If he’s going to make an effort at this, I should too. So I wrote him a letter and not only apologized about how I was treating him, but explained why I was doing the things I was doing. It was a breakthrough for us and things are so much better. We are both really trying and it shows. But I cannot let go of the guilt of some of the things I said, some of the things I did (again, no affair, but I was really quite cruel in my words and actions). I’m not sleeping. Still not really eating. And all I can think is - if something were to happen to him I’ve wasted the last six months or so of our lives being awful. At least HE had a medical reason to act the way he was acting. And I still can’t let it go.

I’m tempted to bring up the idea of DD again....but I don’t know how to or where to start. Or how to do it without freaking him out. But it’s almost like inside my head I feel like I can’t get past the extreme amount of guilt I have unless I am “punished” for it. Unbeknownst to him so far, I have bought a fairly big, lexan leather-covered paddle and it’s supposed to be delivered this week. I’m thinking that with a paddle like this, he may feel more comfortable because he doesn’t run the risk is truly hurting me permanently, like that big, thick wooden paddle he made might have done. And unlike a cane or a switch, it wouldn’t draw blood, though it would bruise (which is something that even in our erotic spanking experiences I absolutely love). But I still don’t know how to bring it up because the incident so many years ago really freaked the both of us out. Should I just leave this alone and deal with my feelings of guilt and shame on my own? I’m an absolute wreck not knowing what to do.

Thank you for listening.

Tessa

Fran
Posts: 27
Joined: Wed Jun 10, 2020 9:57 pm

Re: Hi from SC!

Post by Fran » Mon Jan 04, 2021 7:12 am

Hi Tessa

Welcome to the forum. I, like you, have had an erotic interest in spanking for a very long time and have had them on and off since I was 30 and I am now 47 but I joined this forum back in the summer as I am now trying to find my own DD relationship where I can get regular spankings and discipline when I need or deserve them as I feel that the occasional ones I have gotten over the years when I can get them aren't meeting my needs any longer. I've gone through stages of thinking that I will just try to make do without having them and keep on with reading the books that I like and such like but that's not enough as I still sometimes crave and have a need for getting a good sound spanking. I am a single parent to a wee boy and I can sometimes get so stressed out with stuff that I now know I need a good strong man in my life that can provide those spankings immediately when they are needed to pull me back in and calm me down from whatever is going on in my head.

I have learned since I joined that there is a wealth of information and experience on this forum from wonderful people who don't judge anybody for wanting or needing this kind of thing in their life.

My bottom has always been quite tough and can take a fair bit of spanking and I have had some hard ones like you too but haven't really had a proper discipline spanking that doesn't stop when I ask but when whoever is disciplining me has decided that it's sufficient. Maybe you could talk to your husband and ask that you start off slow and that if the wooden paddle he made is too much for both of you just now maybe he could give you a good warm up with his hand first and maybe another softer implement before going for the serious one if he thinks it's still needed.

I have loved all of the information I gave gotten from this forum all ready and I think the lovely folks on here could probably help you too but I hope you manage to figure something out that you and your husband can both cope with as I don't think that the desire and need for this ever really goes away and might keep cropping back up again.

Anyway I hope you enjoy the forum.

Take care.

Fran

Olivia
Posts: 883
Joined: Mon Nov 25, 2019 11:09 am

Re: Hi from SC!

Post by Olivia » Mon Jan 04, 2021 7:20 am

Thank you for sharing!
Maybe making a little time when it can just be the two of you, do a couple things to make that time special and really talking to him about everything you've been feeling- starting with a letter if the verbal is really difficult? Best wishes!!

Axel
Posts: 43
Joined: Wed Dec 09, 2020 4:12 pm

Re: Hi from SC!

Post by Axel » Mon Jan 04, 2021 8:25 am

Welcome!
I´ve been here less than a month and already found a place where I can breath.
Looking forward to learn to know you!
Axel

Tessa
Posts: 11
Joined: Sun Jan 03, 2021 9:03 pm

Re: Hi from SC!

Post by Tessa » Mon Jan 04, 2021 8:28 am

Fran wrote:
Mon Jan 04, 2021 7:12 am
Hi Tessa

My bottom has always been quite tough and can take a fair bit of spanking and I have had some hard ones like you too but haven't really had a proper discipline spanking that doesn't stop when I ask but when whoever is disciplining me has decided that it's sufficient. Maybe you could talk to your husband and ask that you start off slow and that if the wooden paddle he made is too much for both of you just now maybe he could give you a good warm up with his hand first and maybe another softer implement before going for the serious one if he thinks it's still needed.

Fran
I think this may have been part of why I panicked so many years ago. It was our first (only) “punishment” and it started so hard and it was so fast - even just the two of the three - it was hard and immediate and we hadn’t talked about it first and I just freaked out. And I think it had a lasting effect on him as well. In fact, all these years later, we still haven’t really talked about that night.

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