Helping me take better care of myself

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Vashana
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Oct 05, 2020 8:32 am

Helping me take better care of myself

Post by Vashana » Mon Oct 05, 2020 9:14 am

Hello dd forum,
I recently asked my husband how he would feel about punishing me for not taking care of myself. I struggle with depression. I know what I need to do to reduce bad episodes, but I don't do it. I know it hurts those who care about me, especially my husband. It makes him feel helpless when he can't make me "all better."

I lack self-discipline and I've asked him to punish me to hold me accountable for taking better care of myself. We have been married almost 16 years, and we both enjoy the pleasure spankings he gives me. At first, he was resistant to the punishment idea, but being the awesome husband he is, he agreed to do some research on DD.

Has anyone else used DD for something like this? Is it fair to my husband to ask this of him? Does anyone have suggestions for how to manage such a thing? I will come up with a list of the things I want to be held accountable for, as specific as possible, but I'm not sure how to determine when I should be punished. Maybe a point system of some kind? If I let too many things go for the week? Or should every lapse be punished? I know these are questions we'll have to answer ourselves, but I'd appreciate any advice.

Thank you!

junebug2005
Posts: 114
Joined: Thu Jul 23, 2020 7:45 am

Re: Helping me take better care of myself

Post by junebug2005 » Mon Oct 05, 2020 10:12 am

I have asked my husband to hold me accountable for some specific goals I’ve set for myself - taking care of my health (taking meds and vitamins, healthy nutrition, physical activity) as well as spiritual health (time in prayer, bible reading, scripture memorization). Really, doing these things and keeping myself in line is my job. He is there as a fail safe for if I start missing the mark and lose focus. As for when and how to discipline, as the leader of our family that’s his decision. I am obedient and submissive to him as God has called me to be so I don’t attempt to manage how he leads. And this is coming from a former control freak. 🤣
June Bug
happy to love and obey my husband

Vashana
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Oct 05, 2020 8:32 am

Re: Helping me take better care of myself

Post by Vashana » Mon Oct 05, 2020 11:36 am

Hi Junebug, thank you for your response. I agree that it is my responsibility. Unfortunately, I'm 50 years old and still haven't learned self-discipline. LOL I'm glad to know that someone understands what I'm looking for.=)

junebug2005
Posts: 114
Joined: Thu Jul 23, 2020 7:45 am

Re: Helping me take better care of myself

Post by junebug2005 » Mon Oct 05, 2020 12:03 pm

I definitely understand! I’m 41 and feel like I’ve just started to figure out this self-discipline thing. But knowing that my bottom will be extremely sore if my self discipline fails and we have to resort to husband discipline keeps me on the straight and narrow! Lol
June Bug
happy to love and obey my husband

roseami
Posts: 25
Joined: Sun Mar 15, 2020 6:37 pm

Re: Helping me take better care of myself

Post by roseami » Mon Oct 05, 2020 5:29 pm

Vashana wrote:
Mon Oct 05, 2020 9:14 am
Has anyone else used DD for something like this? Is it fair to my husband to ask this of him? Does anyone have suggestions for how to manage such a thing? I will come up with a list of the things I want to be held accountable for, as specific as possible, but I'm not sure how to determine when I should be punished. Maybe a point system of some kind? If I let too many things go for the week? Or should every lapse be punished?
My partner has agreed to help me by providing punishment when I don't keep up with taking care of myself and other things that I need to get done but don't want to do. Perhaps similarly to you, I have a personality which seems to have a tendency towards depression, so that even in my better times, I often struggle with motivation to do anything at all, although I know that I would be happier overall in life if I would do the things. I find having the prospect of consequences in the near future very helpful.

Is it fair to ask this of a partner? I think so, as long as you don't blame him for your lack of motivation if he doesn't always do it well enough and as long as he can get comfortable providing the discipline. (He does not necessarily have to like it, but should be somehow ok with it.) Some people have told me that my discipline/motivation setup is problematic, because I am dependant on my partner. The thing is, I can live without it, it is just a less good life. My partner and I both benefit from him supporting me in this way. Thus, it is not a terrible obligation for him, but rather something that he chooses to help me with, because we both benefit from it so much.

Personally, I need every lapse to be punished for the issues that I am working on, because otherwise, I would just slack exactly the amount that I could get away with. That would not be good, because being consistent is an important part of building good habits. So only having to do the good things often, but not always when supposed to would actually require more effort from me in the long run, while getting less good results.
My partner is busy and wouldn't want to punish me for things I mess up on a daily basis, so I record every time I do what I am supposed to do to take care of myself and at the end of the week, we have a discipline session regarding anything that I neglected. The punishment is proportional to how much I slacked off. We have a system of how many strokes each instance of a missed goal behavior earns and the number of strokes increases each week with repeat offenses in the same category until we agree that the level of harshness is sufficient that it should always motivate me. If I have physical health problems or other issues arise making things more difficult, I must report this, and he may take mercy on me with a less severe punishment. This is good, because I then don't get punished too much, when I feel I couldn't help it. On the other hand, if it is an excuse that I want to overcome, I ask him to be harsher to help me.
I keep many things that are difficult for me on my goals list, so I usually get at least some punishment. But knowing that the amount is proportional is very motivating.

One thing that I would definitely recommend is to add one goal behavior at a time and to start with goals that are either easier or make it easier to do the other ones. Even with the support of discipline, building habits takes effort and overdoing it by adding all at once can quickly lead to frustration. Even if we "should" do more, it makes more sense to build up what we "can" do in a slow and steady way. Whenever I succeed at most everything for a few weeks, I add new goals. If things become too much, we reduce the amount again.

Vashana
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Oct 05, 2020 8:32 am

Re: Helping me take better care of myself

Post by Vashana » Mon Oct 05, 2020 6:42 pm

Wow, thank you roseami. Those are excellent suggestions. I was thinking along the same lines, of keeping track throughout the week and then having a discussion/session. I hadn't thought about increasing strokes for repeat offenses, but I like that. And I'll probably take your suggestion to start off with one or two goals and work up from there, especially because I'm like you in that I would probably try to get away with slipping too much if I have lapses that go unpunished.

I think my husband will see the benefits as well. I'm not going to push it. He's reluctant to really hurt me, even though he knows that it's not him being cruel, it's him helping me, which in turn helps him. I want to be healthy and happy so that I can take care of him the way he takes care of me.

Thank you so much.

Emily
Posts: 494
Joined: Fri Nov 08, 2019 3:49 am
Location: UK

Re: Helping me take better care of myself

Post by Emily » Tue Oct 06, 2020 1:24 am

Welcome! :)
Happily married to the most wonderful and loving guy! 💖💖💖

Jacob HF
Posts: 87
Joined: Sun Jul 19, 2020 10:53 am
Location: Sacramento, CA

Re: Helping me take better care of myself

Post by Jacob HF » Tue Oct 06, 2020 10:36 am

Vashana wrote:
Mon Oct 05, 2020 9:14 am
Hello dd forum,
I lack self-discipline and I've asked him to punish me to hold me accountable for taking better care of myself. We have been married almost 16 years, and we both enjoy the pleasure spankings he gives me. At first, he was resistant to the punishment idea, but being the awesome husband he is, he agreed to do some research on DD.

Has anyone else used DD for something like this? Is it fair to my husband to ask this of him? Does anyone have suggestions for how to manage such a thing? I will come up with a list of the things I want to be held accountable for, as specific as possible, but I'm not sure how to determine when I should be punished. Maybe a point system of some kind? If I let too many things go for the week? Or should every lapse be punished? I know these are questions we'll have to answer ourselves, but I'd appreciate any advice.

Thank you!
First, if you haven't I would get way more specific than "taking care of myself" That is way too subjective to be enforceable. I would identify specific things for you to do or not do, a list that may change as he notices more things that are needed.

Then every infraction should have some consequence. It doesn't need to be a full-on spanking every time, but there needs to be something to establish and maintain consistency.

--Jacob

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