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Exploring

Posted: Sat Oct 03, 2020 10:50 pm
by Mr_Nic
Hello, my name is Nic, 48, originally from the UK now living in North Carolina with my beautiful wife. We tried DD a while back but it didn’t really work at the time. I’m hoping to learn more about the lifestyle to perhaps figure out my own feelings before revisiting the conversation with my darling. I have some questions but will save those for another day, once I’ve read through some of the archives here. All the best,
Nic

Re: Exploring

Posted: Sun Oct 04, 2020 1:43 am
by Emily
Welcome! :)

Re: Exploring

Posted: Sun Oct 04, 2020 6:38 am
by leenicolelinn
Welcome Mr Nic

Nic

Re: Exploring

Posted: Sun Oct 04, 2020 1:52 pm
by Mr_Nic
Thank you Emily and Nic (East to remember) :D I’m very glad to be here!

Re: Exploring

Posted: Sun Oct 04, 2020 8:54 pm
by Kerry
Hello:). I wonder what you mean it didn’t work. Two years in, we still aren’t really making it work. I think busy lives get in our way plus I’m mostly an independent laid back cooperative person. The idea is drawing but finding how it fits into life can be challenging.

Re: Exploring

Posted: Sun Oct 04, 2020 9:11 pm
by Mr_Nic
Thanks Kerry :)

Well, I think there were at least a couple problems. From my wife’s side of things she was very cooperative when it came to discipline, but she really struggled to actually let me lead in every day situations. She just would not let me actually lead. I found myself getting frustrated, and we couldn’t seem to move past this.

From my side it was a really big thing to step up to leading. It’s something I have always felt was right, but did not come easy to me. I worried a lot about hurting her too much during discipline, and the fact my wife struggled against my leading kind of knocked my confidence. After a while we decided it wasn’t working. But, I think we both feel there is a whole where DD ought to be. We love each other very much and have a good relationship, but we are missing the balance and order of DD.

Right now, I’m trying to work through some of my issues and learn as much as I can before suggesting we try again in a slightly different way..

I hope that answers your question? Thanks for asking.

Regards

Nic

Re: Exploring

Posted: Mon Oct 05, 2020 4:02 am
by JackOfHearts
Mr_Nic wrote:
Sun Oct 04, 2020 9:11 pm
Thanks Kerry :)

Well, I think there were at least a couple problems. From my wife’s side of things she was very cooperative when it came to discipline, but she really struggled to actually let me lead in every day situations. She just would not let me actually lead. I found myself getting frustrated, and we couldn’t seem to move past this.

From my side it was a really big thing to step up to leading. It’s something I have always felt was right, but did not come easy to me. I worried a lot about hurting her too much during discipline, and the fact my wife struggled against my leading kind of knocked my confidence. After a while we decided it wasn’t working. But, I think we both feel there is a whole where DD ought to be. We love each other very much and have a good relationship, but we are missing the balance and order of DD.

Right now, I’m trying to work through some of my issues and learn as much as I can before suggesting we try again in a slightly different way..

I hope that answers your question? Thanks for asking.

Regards

Nic
Welcome Nic!

I’m in a relatable situation where I was frustrated about things which didn’t work. Probably I wanted too much or focused on the wrong things. What helped me was to try to work from the button up (haha) and not to impose my full idea from the top.

What is meaningful for you in DD? What is meaningful for your wife?

There is a fine line between disrespect and not letting someone lead. Maybe it helps you when you become more clear what is the core of these.

Re: Exploring

Posted: Mon Oct 05, 2020 4:07 pm
by Beauty
Welcome Nic! Good luck in your journey, also in NC... GO Panthers!!!

Re: Exploring

Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2020 11:03 am
by Jacob HF
Mr_Nic wrote:
Sun Oct 04, 2020 9:11 pm
From my wife’s side of things she was very cooperative when it came to discipline, but she really struggled to actually let me lead in every day situations. She just would not let me actually lead. I found myself getting frustrated, and we couldn’t seem to move past this.
If she is consenting to DD then there are four common reasons (that I can think of right now) why she wouldn't let you lead:

1) There isn't enough association between her disrespect and the consequence
2) She just doesn't yet have a habit of submission
3) She is testing you to see if you will get her back in line
4) She is bratting (being disrespectful on purpose) because she wants to be spanked

I would find a way for you to signal her that she is out of line. It can be a look or a code-phrase or a specific touch. It should be something that you could do in front of other people without them knowing what its all about.

For example, when my wife would get angry or frustraited she would stop thinking. In this case It wasn't an act of disobedience, just an emotional reaction. We had established ahead of time that when I suddenly stop and say "are you okay?" that was a signal to her that she was out of line and needed to calm down.

The reaction to each incident of disrespect need not be severe, but it should be clear, immediate and consistent.

Actually all of that applies if it is 1,2, or3. If she is bratting then you should find some punishment that she doesn't like. Some women love a spanking but crave attention and an hour standing in the corner will drive them nuts.

--Jacob

Re: Exploring

Posted: Wed Oct 21, 2020 1:24 pm
by DesertRose
It's a bit late, but welcome Nic.