Exploring

Please take your time and introduce yourself to us - why Domestic Discipline, are you married, how your relationship progressed...
Post Reply
Mr_Nic
Posts: 13
Joined: Wed Sep 30, 2020 1:11 am
Location: North Carolina

Exploring

Post by Mr_Nic » Sat Oct 03, 2020 10:50 pm

Hello, my name is Nic, 48, originally from the UK now living in North Carolina with my beautiful wife. We tried DD a while back but it didn’t really work at the time. I’m hoping to learn more about the lifestyle to perhaps figure out my own feelings before revisiting the conversation with my darling. I have some questions but will save those for another day, once I’ve read through some of the archives here. All the best,
Nic
Here to learn and grow

Emily
Posts: 494
Joined: Fri Nov 08, 2019 3:49 am
Location: UK

Re: Exploring

Post by Emily » Sun Oct 04, 2020 1:43 am

Welcome! :)
Happily married to the most wonderful and loving guy! 💖💖💖

leenicolelinn
Posts: 150
Joined: Thu Apr 02, 2020 6:29 am
Location: Southern Ohio

Re: Exploring

Post by leenicolelinn » Sun Oct 04, 2020 6:38 am

Welcome Mr Nic

Nic
Learning sweet submission and respect through my Heavenly Father and my HOH Husband.

Mr_Nic
Posts: 13
Joined: Wed Sep 30, 2020 1:11 am
Location: North Carolina

Re: Exploring

Post by Mr_Nic » Sun Oct 04, 2020 1:52 pm

Thank you Emily and Nic (East to remember) :D I’m very glad to be here!
Here to learn and grow

Kerry
Posts: 717
Joined: Wed Oct 04, 2017 11:54 pm

Re: Exploring

Post by Kerry » Sun Oct 04, 2020 8:54 pm

Hello:). I wonder what you mean it didn’t work. Two years in, we still aren’t really making it work. I think busy lives get in our way plus I’m mostly an independent laid back cooperative person. The idea is drawing but finding how it fits into life can be challenging.
Key

Mr_Nic
Posts: 13
Joined: Wed Sep 30, 2020 1:11 am
Location: North Carolina

Re: Exploring

Post by Mr_Nic » Sun Oct 04, 2020 9:11 pm

Thanks Kerry :)

Well, I think there were at least a couple problems. From my wife’s side of things she was very cooperative when it came to discipline, but she really struggled to actually let me lead in every day situations. She just would not let me actually lead. I found myself getting frustrated, and we couldn’t seem to move past this.

From my side it was a really big thing to step up to leading. It’s something I have always felt was right, but did not come easy to me. I worried a lot about hurting her too much during discipline, and the fact my wife struggled against my leading kind of knocked my confidence. After a while we decided it wasn’t working. But, I think we both feel there is a whole where DD ought to be. We love each other very much and have a good relationship, but we are missing the balance and order of DD.

Right now, I’m trying to work through some of my issues and learn as much as I can before suggesting we try again in a slightly different way..

I hope that answers your question? Thanks for asking.

Regards

Nic
Here to learn and grow

Online
JackOfHearts
Posts: 92
Joined: Sat Oct 26, 2019 9:18 am

Re: Exploring

Post by JackOfHearts » Mon Oct 05, 2020 4:02 am

Mr_Nic wrote:
Sun Oct 04, 2020 9:11 pm
Thanks Kerry :)

Well, I think there were at least a couple problems. From my wife’s side of things she was very cooperative when it came to discipline, but she really struggled to actually let me lead in every day situations. She just would not let me actually lead. I found myself getting frustrated, and we couldn’t seem to move past this.

From my side it was a really big thing to step up to leading. It’s something I have always felt was right, but did not come easy to me. I worried a lot about hurting her too much during discipline, and the fact my wife struggled against my leading kind of knocked my confidence. After a while we decided it wasn’t working. But, I think we both feel there is a whole where DD ought to be. We love each other very much and have a good relationship, but we are missing the balance and order of DD.

Right now, I’m trying to work through some of my issues and learn as much as I can before suggesting we try again in a slightly different way..

I hope that answers your question? Thanks for asking.

Regards

Nic
Welcome Nic!

I’m in a relatable situation where I was frustrated about things which didn’t work. Probably I wanted too much or focused on the wrong things. What helped me was to try to work from the button up (haha) and not to impose my full idea from the top.

What is meaningful for you in DD? What is meaningful for your wife?

There is a fine line between disrespect and not letting someone lead. Maybe it helps you when you become more clear what is the core of these.

User avatar
Beauty
Posts: 554
Joined: Wed Nov 21, 2018 10:43 am

Re: Exploring

Post by Beauty » Mon Oct 05, 2020 4:07 pm

Welcome Nic! Good luck in your journey, also in NC... GO Panthers!!!
Happy to be taken in hand by my Beast

Jacob HF
Posts: 87
Joined: Sun Jul 19, 2020 10:53 am
Location: Sacramento, CA

Re: Exploring

Post by Jacob HF » Tue Oct 06, 2020 11:03 am

Mr_Nic wrote:
Sun Oct 04, 2020 9:11 pm
From my wife’s side of things she was very cooperative when it came to discipline, but she really struggled to actually let me lead in every day situations. She just would not let me actually lead. I found myself getting frustrated, and we couldn’t seem to move past this.
If she is consenting to DD then there are four common reasons (that I can think of right now) why she wouldn't let you lead:

1) There isn't enough association between her disrespect and the consequence
2) She just doesn't yet have a habit of submission
3) She is testing you to see if you will get her back in line
4) She is batting (being disrespectful on purpose) because she wants to be spanked

I would find a way for you to signal her that she is out of line. It can be a look or a code-phrase or a specific touch. It should be something that you could do in front of other people without them knowing what its all about.

For example, when my wife would get angry or frustraited she would stop thinking. In this case It wasn't an act of disobedience, just an emotional reaction. We had established ahead of time that when I suddenly stop and say "are you okay?" that was a signal to her that she was out of line and needed to calm down.

The reaction to each incident of disrespect need not be severe, but it should be clear, immediate and consistent.

Actually all of that applies if it is 1,2, or3. If she is bratting then you should find some punishment that she doesn't like. Some women love a spanking but crave attention and an hour standing in the corner will drive them nuts.

--Jacob

Post Reply