Hi all Florida

Please take your time and introduce yourself to us - why Domestic Discipline, are you married, how your relationship progressed...
Post Reply
PapaorDear
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Aug 13, 2020 2:08 pm
Location: Florida

Hi all Florida

Post by PapaorDear » Thu Aug 13, 2020 2:45 pm

Hi all,
I'm new to the group. Look to learn more about DD. My wife and I have had some really hard times and real good times 4 kids. We have been married for 17 years out of those it got really hard when I joined the military in 2010. That is when dishonest disobedience disrespect lost of trust started to get severe. She advised that it all stems from me wanting her dressed certain ways “just born a few decades late.” Born in 1981. Which she new somewhat when we got married. She knows that out of all the things I bend over backward for this is the one thing I was not going to bend over for. In 2017 I gave her and ultimatum I can forgive what she had done but she will have start by wear what I require period and would have to ask if she wanted not to. Don’t really want to get into what happens in those 7 years just presume the worse. Then I ran into DD a few months ago. I have implemented some punishment spanking as she is in agreement but I need to expand on the rules. Maybe I can get some of you to post some of your rules. She has been spanked at night once the kids go to sleep. I just haven’t spanked her hard yet “she has a really high pain tolerance” which worries me because I don’t want to mark. Been through counseling and both of us are stubborn. The one thing I don’t want to bend over for the counselor requested I do I said no! She doesn’t keep a tidy house I let that slid. I come from house that white gloves where put on to see if the house was clean. Then always wanting to do for other instead of her own household etc. She is willing to do CDD and has been openly to pretty much anything since the ultimatum. Which to means she want us to work out. Sorry that is so long.

Pink cheeks
Posts: 310
Joined: Sat May 30, 2020 12:20 pm
Location: Arizona

Re: Hi all Florida

Post by Pink cheeks » Thu Aug 13, 2020 5:03 pm

I think the best place to start us with one or two behaviors you and she wants to change. Make a FEW rules around that. As time goes on , and you both agree, you can add more rules.

Talk about it. It’s different for everyone. Invite her to sign into the forum separately. That way she can ask her own questions and come to her own conclusions

Maybe do a boot amp weekend without the kids.

Good luck

Olivia
Posts: 673
Joined: Mon Nov 25, 2019 11:09 am

Re: Hi all Florida

Post by Olivia » Thu Aug 13, 2020 9:00 pm

Welcome!

Sunshine
Posts: 113
Joined: Thu Jun 18, 2020 7:28 pm
Location: USA

Re: Hi all Florida

Post by Sunshine » Thu Aug 13, 2020 9:28 pm

Welcome. I grew up with an Army background considering generations on my dad’s side including my dad was in the Army, so I completely understand how the military does things. Thank you for your service!!

Rules: 4 Ds
Disrespect
Dishonesty
Dangerous behavior
Disobedience

For an example here are the rules my hubs and I wrote together:

No disrespect: saying hurtful things (if was intended to be and not done jokingly), smart mouth, no arguing with him (unless joking/picking or actually need him to listen), telling him no when told to do something (unless good reason for saying no).
2. No dishonesty: no lying. I’m a horrible liar so that one is pretty useless 😂😂. No telling him nothing is wrong when he can see something is and asks me “what’s wrong”. Talk to him when something is bothering me. Yes, I’m horrible with that and for eons have done that. What some may call “little white lies” do NOT count as lies!!
3. No Dangerous behavior: not taking meds, not drinking enough water
4. No disobedience: if told to do something do it unless a reason for not doing it, if told not to do something then don’t unless a reason for doing it.
5. Control Anger and Patience: ok to be angry but not to throw/break things or punch a wall. Not ok to yell him at him when angry. Fine to yell or raise voice within reason. I have a horrible temper and short fuse. Start having some patience and chill more. I have zero patience and have always been that way.
6. Watch language: no F bombs

Hope that helps y’all write some ground rules.

🌞
We all need some sunshine in our life 🌞. Live, laugh, love and support one another.

Emily
Posts: 494
Joined: Fri Nov 08, 2019 3:49 am
Location: UK

Re: Hi all Florida

Post by Emily » Fri Aug 14, 2020 1:43 am

Welcome! :)
Happily married to the most wonderful and loving guy! 💖💖💖

PapaorDear
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Aug 13, 2020 2:08 pm
Location: Florida

Re: Hi all Florida

Post by PapaorDear » Fri Aug 14, 2020 9:04 am

Sunshine wrote:
Thu Aug 13, 2020 9:28 pm
Welcome. I grew up with an Army background considering generations on my dad’s side including my dad was in the Army, so I completely understand how the military does things. Thank you for your service!!

Rules: 4 Ds
Disrespect
Dishonesty
Dangerous behavior
Disobedience

For an example here are the rules my hubs and I wrote together:

No disrespect: saying hurtful things (if was intended to be and not done jokingly), smart mouth, no arguing with him (unless joking/picking or actually need him to listen), telling him no when told to do something (unless good reason for saying no).
2. No dishonesty: no lying. I’m a horrible liar so that one is pretty useless 😂😂. No telling him nothing is wrong when he can see something is and asks me “what’s wrong”. Talk to him when something is bothering me. Yes, I’m horrible with that and for eons have done that. What some may call “little white lies” do NOT count as lies!!
3. No Dangerous behavior: not taking meds, not drinking enough water
4. No disobedience: if told to do something do it unless a reason for not doing it, if told not to do something then don’t unless a reason for doing it.
5. Control Anger and Patience: ok to be angry but not to throw/break things or punch a wall. Not ok to yell him at him when angry. Fine to yell or raise voice within reason. I have a horrible temper and short fuse. Start having some patience and chill more. I have zero patience and have always been that way.
6. Watch language: no F bombs

Hope that helps y’all write some ground rules.

🌞
Thank you for the advice. I appreciate it!

PapaorDear
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Aug 13, 2020 2:08 pm
Location: Florida

Re: Hi all Florida

Post by PapaorDear » Fri Aug 14, 2020 9:06 am

Pink cheeks wrote:
Thu Aug 13, 2020 5:03 pm
I think the best place to start us with one or two behaviors you and she wants to change. Make a FEW rules around that. As time goes on , and you both agree, you can add more rules.

Talk about it. It’s different for everyone. Invite her to sign into the forum separately. That way she can ask her own questions and come to her own conclusions

Maybe do a boot amp weekend without the kids.

Good luck
That is some great advice. What does the boot camp have do? Is that local to us ?

Sunshine
Posts: 113
Joined: Thu Jun 18, 2020 7:28 pm
Location: USA

Re: Hi all Florida

Post by Sunshine » Fri Aug 14, 2020 1:21 pm

PapaorDear wrote:
Fri Aug 14, 2020 9:06 am
Pink cheeks wrote:
Thu Aug 13, 2020 5:03 pm
I think the best place to start us with one or two behaviors you and she wants to change. Make a FEW rules around that. As time goes on , and you both agree, you can add more rules.

Talk about it. It’s different for everyone. Invite her to sign into the forum separately. That way she can ask her own questions and come to her own conclusions

Maybe do a boot amp weekend without the kids.

Good luck
That is some great advice. What does the boot camp have do? Is that local to us ?
Not boot camp as in the way you and I think of boot camp. It’s not a place she goes it’s a time period for y’all where you get a routine started etc. Here is something we used to do a mini boot camp: Beginner’s Guide to Leadership and Submission. By Jacqueline 2005. There are other books on boot camps for CDD and dd but this is one someone on here had listed they used parts of. That’s exactly what hubs and I did too. We didn’t do exactly as the article said we did tweak it to what we wanted to do. Hope this helps some!!

🌞
We all need some sunshine in our life 🌞. Live, laugh, love and support one another.

Pink cheeks
Posts: 310
Joined: Sat May 30, 2020 12:20 pm
Location: Arizona

Re: Hi all Florida

Post by Pink cheeks » Fri Aug 14, 2020 3:49 pm

:oops: I should have realized with your military background the reference to bootcamp may be confusing.

Here is the link to another thread on bootcamp. There are others, If I can find them Ill put links here.

viewtopic.php?f=2&t=1543

Post Reply