Are you the tortoise or the hare

Please take your time and introduce yourself to us - why Domestic Discipline, are you married, how your relationship progressed...
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Ddduchess0725
Posts: 8
Joined: Fri Jul 10, 2020 9:03 am
Location: Arizona

Are you the tortoise or the hare

Post by Ddduchess0725 » Fri Jul 17, 2020 9:09 am

So I’ve been studying DD for two years now. My husband and I have never incorporated it in our marriage...yet.
A lot of this has been my own mistake and some of it is my husband who doesn’t understand what it is to be a leader and head of household.
I did get some great advice and have stopped trying to focus on my husband being the HoH and focus on me being the tih/submissive and things have really improved but only if I continually be submissive. If I even have one slip up everything comes crashing down and we grow distant again or I feel the lack of attention and become unbearably irritable . I’m really trying to communicate that this is where I need a HoH to step in and help me find my submissiveness and carry the load by taking control till I find my way back to that submissive wife underneath. It’s a work in process but I have hope we will find our way.
I do realize this lifestyle for us is a lot like the story of the tortoise and the hare. We can not rush into this but have to slowly take one step at a time and the most important thing is communication. I can not push my husband into this but I can through words explain where I coming for needing this lifestyle.
So this is my question
How many of you had started out this way?
Being a tortoise and taking it really slow.
And if you did, how long did it take before it actually started and you were finally in an active DD relationship.

Also how many rushed into this and found that you HoH was not getting it and feeling like you had to start all over again.

I’m glad I found this community and I really appreciate all the support we get here. Everyone here is such a blessing.

Duchess

Pink cheeks
Posts: 256
Joined: Sat May 30, 2020 12:20 pm
Location: Arizona

Re: Are you the tortoise or the hare

Post by Pink cheeks » Fri Jul 17, 2020 2:35 pm

I’m definitely a hare. We have been together for 20 years.

A few months ago I Jumped in, begged him to spank me. Begged him to do some research, to do boot camp, to be consistent, to be my HoH. It should be noted that the catalyst for this was the need to change some of my behaviors that had gotten me into trouble. He agreed easily with that. :D

Its working! We have made major changes, and our life is much better for it.

Ddduchess0725
Posts: 8
Joined: Fri Jul 10, 2020 9:03 am
Location: Arizona

Re: Are you the tortoise or the hare

Post by Ddduchess0725 » Fri Jul 17, 2020 3:51 pm

Pink cheeks,
Thank you for responding. I’ve read a lot of your post and I can see your a hare. Lol
I’m happy that your HoH step up and has help you a lot with everything. I’m hoping one day my HoH will do the same.

I think the hardest part is getting him to understand this. Men just think differently.
I’m trying to stay away from the emotionalism of domestic discipline and make it more about a process to help me finding satisfaction as a submissive wife.
18 months ago I approach him with this and royally screwed up what I was trying to ask for. He thought it was just a kink and couldn’t wrap his head around the discipline part. After one too many fights I put DD on the back burner the hardest part was I had to stop asking him for spankings which was very devastating for me. But I did it to respect him and find a better way of communication about DD.
I’m doing that right now we are just talking and talking and talking. He did give me a sexy spanking a few nights ago which is heading the right direction. I would love if he would just jump right in but I know he’s not that kind of person so slow steady I go hoping to meet the finish line.

leenicolelinn
Posts: 88
Joined: Thu Apr 02, 2020 6:29 am
Location: Southern Ohio

Re: Are you the tortoise or the hare

Post by leenicolelinn » Sat Jul 18, 2020 6:45 am

Welcome duchess

I think our natural state is a husband as HOH and the wife being submissive and obedient. I think it was Martha Peace "The excellent wife" that explained we are happiest in these God created roles. (Understanding that other dynamics are practiced within a household). I am speaking of traditional roles. In this day and age the world says this is not the way we should live. I wasn't raised to be submissive, actually just the opposite, it is difficult to make that change.
I beat myself up when I fall short of the respect and obedience I am to show my husband. I also get frustrated with him at times when he doesn't lead the way I think he should.
I think you are on the right path by trying to focus on your role. I try to do that as well but it is hard at times. I first have to forgive myself for not being respectful of slipping up in some way. I have to forgive hubs too for not meeting my needs as HOH sometimes. This is an internal process for me. We are only human. It is truly a process and we are constantly changing hopefully for the better during different seasons of our lives.

Folks here have some good advice and experience. Good luck

Nic
Learning sweet submission and respect through my Heavenly Father and my HOH Husband.

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