Very new

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Hisgirl
Posts: 7
Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2020 5:54 pm

Very new

Post by Hisgirl » Tue Mar 03, 2020 7:51 pm

Me and my other half are very new to this lifestyle and it has helped me a great deal. However I feel like he’s become obsessed with it. Everything I say or do he finds a way to bring this into it. We have our set rules and punishments which are fine but he’s constantly picking on little things and making me feel like I need to walk on egg shells. I’m hoping it’s because we are so new to this and that he will settle down. Or maybe I’m being too sensitive about this. :/

Olivia
Posts: 328
Joined: Mon Nov 25, 2019 11:09 am

Re: Very new

Post by Olivia » Tue Mar 03, 2020 8:04 pm

I'm sorry you're feeling that way! Have you talked to him about this? Are your rules pretty black and white or is there a lot of room for interpretation?
Respect for example, everyone outlines what respect means differently so it might be helpful to really talk about what will be expected in your relationship
There's a definite learning curve and you don't want to be living on eggshells!

Hisgirl
Posts: 7
Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2020 5:54 pm

Re: Very new

Post by Hisgirl » Tue Mar 03, 2020 8:17 pm

We have our hard rules and softer rules. So the punishments for each are all decided. He’s very good at not punishing me when he’s upset with me. I get corner time then but it is a case of I feel that he tries to turn everything into DD or it’s all he ever wants to talk about these days. Which gets a little exhausting because it feels he wants to change everything about me. I’ve explained if there is something I do that he really doesn’t like then we can sit and talk about it. We have great communication but he’s tried to get me into this type of lifestyle for a long time. I do admit it’s helping but I’m so nervous that if I bring this up I’ll be letting him down. I guess I’ll have to have the conversation though.

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Phil04
Posts: 328
Joined: Wed Aug 22, 2018 8:42 am
Location: Texas

Re: Very new

Post by Phil04 » Tue Mar 03, 2020 10:14 pm

When we first started, I got very intense with the rules as well. The point is you need to find something that is sustainable and to properly build expectations.

What I recommend is to pick one rule or set of rules and really focus on those. The other rules are still in force, but generally only obvious violations will be punished. Focus on the one set, until you fully understand and can abide by his expectations. Once you have done that, move the focus to a different set of rules.

It is natural to want to change a bunch of things at once. However, DD is a journey, and since we are taking marriage, you two have the rest of your lives to work on it.

Phil

Emily
Posts: 287
Joined: Fri Nov 08, 2019 3:49 am
Location: UK

Re: Very new

Post by Emily » Wed Mar 04, 2020 1:32 am

Welcome! :) I hope you will be able to talk with your husband about how you’re feeling because while being in a DD relationship and having set rules can be helpful you shouldn’t feel like you have to walk around on eggshells all the time.

Hisgirl
Posts: 7
Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2020 5:54 pm

Re: Very new

Post by Hisgirl » Wed Mar 04, 2020 6:19 am

Phil04 wrote:
Tue Mar 03, 2020 10:14 pm
When we first started, I got very intense with the rules as well. The point is you need to find something that is sustainable and to properly build expectations.

What I recommend is to pick one rule or set of rules and really focus on those. The other rules are still in force, but generally only obvious violations will be punished. Focus on the one set, until you fully understand and can abide by his expectations. Once you have done that, move the focus to a different set of rules.

It is natural to want to change a bunch of things at once. However, DD is a journey, and since we are taking marriage, you two have the rest of your lives to work on it.

Phil

This was really helpful :) thank you

AddyJane
Posts: 240
Joined: Thu Oct 04, 2018 1:26 pm

Re: Very new

Post by AddyJane » Wed Mar 04, 2020 7:18 am

Hisgirl, welcome.

I can relate to some of what you are saying as it reminds me of my newlywed days.
My hubby introduced me to DD or at least functional DD before marriage, BUT the intensity that followed just after my vows had me shellshocked. ( I joke about this, but I literally thought that I would be spanked once or twice and we would be good for the rest of our marriage. I knew it would exist, but I thought it wouldn’t be used often, more like never. Ha!)

I feel less qualified to offer advice and more qualified to offer “what not to do”- because I did it all. DD became a point of contention in my home for several years.

But if I think back on it, I wish I was more vulnerable and open with him about how he made me feel. I think it would have helped.

Being on this forum would have helped me as well I imagine. ( I wouldn’t have chosen to come to this forum back then, but I am certain hearing from likeminded people would have helped.)

Honestly I can’t recall if the intensity fades or it just becomes a new normal; I imagine it’s a little of both. But I can say, that we both still have to be intentional about being on the same page. DD is not “shiny and new” but it sometimes more present than I care to admit.

Since you do have that strength in communication as a couple, I would just continue to speak about your feeling and offer your perspective. Starting out that is so needed- DD can never be a substitute for that.
Best of luck to you both!

Hisgirl
Posts: 7
Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2020 5:54 pm

Re: Very new

Post by Hisgirl » Wed Mar 04, 2020 7:48 am

Thank you for your point of view. Honestly reading some opinions and threads on this site has helped me a lot. I honestly appreciate everyone’s advice. :)

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Beauty
Posts: 446
Joined: Wed Nov 21, 2018 10:43 am

Re: Very new

Post by Beauty » Wed Mar 04, 2020 11:17 am

Welcome! I’m glad you are finding the forum helpful. Just writing how I feel has helped me a ton with processing my thoughts and feelings. ❤️
Happy to be taken in hand by my Beast

Joshua89
Posts: 700
Joined: Wed Nov 01, 2017 3:13 pm

Re: Very new

Post by Joshua89 » Sat Mar 07, 2020 3:31 pm

Hisgirl wrote:
Tue Mar 03, 2020 7:51 pm
Me and my other half are very new to this lifestyle and it has helped me a great deal. However I feel like he’s become obsessed with it. Everything I say or do he finds a way to bring this into it. We have our set rules and punishments which are fine but he’s constantly picking on little things and making me feel like I need to walk on egg shells. I’m hoping it’s because we are so new to this and that he will settle down. Or maybe I’m being too sensitive about this. :/

Since it is very knew, he is probably just setting the ground work. Reminders early and often may help you and make it easier in the future. Just follow what he thinks is necessary. Best wishes to you both
Submissive ❤ Loving Husband + LovingAndStrict06

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