NRHSH wrote: ↑
Tue Sep 10, 2019 3:12 pm
H and I have always been smart-ass-y to each other (think Everybody Loves Raymond) so some of the “offenses” I read on here make me go, “Seriously? If H dealt out punishments for that kind of thing, I’d never be in the clear.”
Every couple decides what rules/boundaries are right for them. DD is definitely not one-size-fits-all. I, like you, am a smart ass and so is my husband. He loves the playful banter and would never want to change that part of me. Other husbands feel differently about it. But it's not a part of everyone's dynamic.
But here’s where we have what I consider a huge issue. Out of 365 days in a year, H gets FURIOUS with me 5-10 days/times, maybe. When I say furious, he screams, name calls, berates, threatens me...to the point where I wish I was nowhere near the man. An example: with another couple of good friends discussing an upcoming event. H said he thought so-and-so would spend X amount of dollars, I said, “oh no, I’m sure he’ll spend more than that!” and the conversation/evening continued another hour and all was well, or so I thought. The moment we were alone, he started screaming at me about making him look bad in front of people by disagreeing with him, hadn’t he told me that many times before, not to argue with him, and on and on it went. We were in our vehicle, traveling 70+ mph on the highway and it was all I could do to not throw the door open and jump out, just to get away from him. But thinking of our three kids kept me sane enough to endure the tirade for 10 miles. I’m not exaggerating when I say he was pure madman the way he screamed at me. I was rocking in my seat thinking this couldn’t be happening over...me having my own opinion??
Ok, this is where I worry. If your husband is routinely losing control and turning into a madman, yelling, berating and threatening you that is not ok. That is abusive behaviour and not what you want in a leader. He needs to be able to control himself before you should ever give him that kind of power over you.
After discovering this and reading A LOT, it hit me. What if? What if I talked to him about this lifestyle? It could go one of three ways:
1) H thinks I’m crazy;
2) H would be delighted because this could be “the spice” he’s always wanted but I’d be a miserable, possibly physically abused woman, suffering mightily when he has one of his “SNAPPED” episodes and loses his mind with rage;
3) H gets the built-up fury out of his system by occasionally doling out a punishment but ceases to verbally abuse me as a result.
I’ve wondered how I would bring it up and thought maybe the next time he snaps, because there will be a next time, I can just try to calmly ask him to “stop screaming at me and just spank me and get it over with.” That’s probably not the best idea, but it’s the best I’ve come up with.
Spanking you while he is in a fit of rage is a VERY BAD IDEA. But I think you know that.
I also want feedback from some HoHs regarding the night I described...what would YOU have done if your wife expressed a differing opinion in front of friends?
In the absence of an agreed-upon rule stating that you were not allowed to have your own voice in public he is 100% in the wrong. 100%.
If you’re still with me, and you’re thinking my best bet is to run from this forum and never look back, please tell me. Or any other thoughts you may have. I’m seriously looking for some guidance.