StrapHaterStrapHater wrote: ↑Sat Oct 05, 2019 11:45 pmOkay... I know it's been a couple months since someone posted in this thread, but it begs for a response -- especially since StrapEffect and I are in one of those "rare" DD relationships. It might be difficult to understand in a world where everything MUST be categorized or pigeonholed. We are living proof that relationships are not binary!!
I firmly believe every individual has dominant characteristics and submissive characteristics. Many of the TiH comments on this forum provide evidence to that belief. On the other hand, many of the HoH comments have some elements of submission. Each genuine DD relationship demonstrates balance. An HoH without balance would give a butt-beating and be done with it... and I think we would all shun that person.
A Submissive without balance would surrender to regular abuse. This forum recognizes the difference between an honest, caring (i.e., balanced) DD relationship and hardcore BDSM. I choose to be trained by my loving wife because that is the best thing for our marriage relationship. But you need to know that she asks me to give her an emotional release infrequently. Perhaps it is more about the DD than about the roles for us.
The next logical question might be: How is this possible? Well, maybe our backgrounds have everything to do with it. Outside of the home, I am a Project Manager. I am accustomed to business discussions with entire teams of people. My weakness is emotional awareness. This is where my wife excels. I've told her many times she makes me feel human. She is into home healthcare... which means she interacts with a patient and a relative at any given time. Her weakness is strategic planning. That's where I excel. She tells me I am her rock.
Our DD relationship is very natural... and has been cultivated over 15 years. We've made significant headway just in the last 3 years. I guess the BOTTOM (grin) line is that DD cannot and should not be binary. Sorry for the geek-speak.
As you and others have observed here, and I agree, our dominant and submissive sides are a mixture for just about everybody and pretty much baked in. Maybe it was because of those mixed dominant and submissive tendencies that my wife and I were a switch couple in the first place, and adopted a Spencer style cooperative DD arrangement last year.
I don't think it could have been otherwise. I may be like 3-to-1 dominant, but here's what I am pretty certain of. If I had tried to set up a pure HoH and TiH model with my wife, it would probably go along fine for a while with me administering discipline on her for rule breaks, until the day would come when I pull some stunt that is out of line or itself a rule break, and my wife would be fed up and her dominant side would emerge, and she would call me on it.
I know my wife well enough that it would do me no good to say, gee, babe, I'm sorry, I promise, I will do something to make it up to you. She would call BS on me: Hell with that! We're making some changes around here! You're going to get your damn misbehaving ass paddled! Bend......over......now!
God, she's beautiful (and implacable) when she's in dom mode.