Male vs. Female Led DD

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NateG
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Re: Male vs. Female Led DD

Post by NateG » Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:14 pm

EZZ,

Well your reading your last post, maybe it would work for you two. But also like you said, you may not want to take on the responsibility. Responsibility is a key factor for the HoH. Definitely something to consider. If you would decide to try it out for a while, I'd think you would need at least two months, maybe 3 to get the real feel of it and see how it works for you guys.

Nate

Ezz
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Re: Male vs. Female Led DD

Post by Ezz » Tue Aug 06, 2019 2:34 am

Thank you for your post, Nate.

I agree with you that taking on the responsibility would be a huge aspect for me. I also feel inclined to agree about the length of time required to make any trial worthwhile. Three months sounds like a very long time but is realistic and what it would take to fully get into the new, i.e. reversed, roles for both of us.

Such a massive step that I think it is unlikely to be one that we will take, at least for the foreseeable future, but still interesting to think, and talk, about. A hypothetical experiment!
If I'm not smart, Jez will make me smart :)

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NateG
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Re: Male vs. Female Led DD

Post by NateG » Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:56 am

Ezz,

Yes, it is interesting to think about, especially if it is something that both partners think is possible or doable. I would NOT want to change roles in our relationship, for many reasons. I like being in charge, not just at home, but in general..lol. Maybe it came originally from being the first born child?? It would be so hard to not be as vocal about things as I am now...in most cases. Plus, I just feel responsible for the family and home...especially when things don't go well.

Let me know if you and Jez have any more discussions on it. It is interesting to see if the dynamic could really change. Just seems like it would be very difficult...but that is probably just me projecting.

Nate

Rand E
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Re: Male vs. Female Led DD

Post by Rand E » Tue Aug 06, 2019 11:07 am

Ezz wrote:
Tue Aug 06, 2019 2:34 am
Thank you for your post, Nate.

I agree with you that taking on the responsibility would be a huge aspect for me. I also feel inclined to agree about the length of time required to make any trial worthwhile. Three months sounds like a very long time but is realistic and what it would take to fully get into the new, i.e. reversed, roles for both of us.

Such a massive step that I think it is unlikely to be one that we will take, at least for the foreseeable future, but still interesting to think, and talk, about. A hypothetical experiment!
If other couples have tried a DD role-reversal, I would think it has to be pretty rare. But, if you ever try it, I am sure everybody here would love to hear about it, and you would likely get plenty of advice and opinions from different perspectives. Even from me, for what it's worth. :)

StrapHater
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Re: Male vs. Female Led DD

Post by StrapHater » Sat Oct 05, 2019 11:45 pm

Okay... I know it's been a couple months since someone posted in this thread, but it begs for a response -- especially since StrapEffect and I are in one of those "rare" DD relationships. It might be difficult to understand in a world where everything MUST be categorized or pigeonholed. We are living proof that relationships are not binary!!

I firmly believe every individual has dominant characteristics and submissive characteristics. Many of the TiH comments on this forum provide evidence to that belief. On the other hand, many of the HoH comments have some elements of submission. Each genuine DD relationship demonstrates balance. An HoH without balance would give a butt-beating and be done with it... and I think we would all shun that person.

A Submissive without balance would surrender to regular abuse. This forum recognizes the difference between an honest, caring (i.e., balanced) DD relationship and hardcore BDSM. I choose to be trained by my loving wife because that is the best thing for our marriage relationship. But you need to know that she asks me to give her an emotional release infrequently. Perhaps it is more about the DD than about the roles for us.

The next logical question might be: How is this possible? Well, maybe our backgrounds have everything to do with it. Outside of the home, I am a Project Manager. I am accustomed to business discussions with entire teams of people. My weakness is emotional awareness. This is where my wife excels. I've told her many times she makes me feel human. She is into home healthcare... which means she interacts with a patient and a relative at any given time. Her weakness is strategic planning. That's where I excel. She tells me I am her rock.

Our DD relationship is very natural... and has been cultivated over 15 years. We've made significant headway just in the last 3 years. I guess the BOTTOM (grin) line is that DD cannot and should not be binary. Sorry for the geek-speak.

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sweetie
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Re: Male vs. Female Led DD

Post by sweetie » Sun Oct 06, 2019 2:25 am

StrapHater wrote:
Sat Oct 05, 2019 11:45 pm
The next logical question might be: How is this possible? Well, maybe our backgrounds have everything to do with it. Outside of the home, I am a Project Manager. I am accustomed to business discussions with entire teams of people. My weakness is emotional awareness. This is where my wife excels. I've told her many times she makes me feel human. She is into home healthcare... which means she interacts with a patient and a relative at any given time. Her weakness is strategic planning. That's where I excel. She tells me I am her rock.

Our DD relationship is very natural... and has been cultivated over 15 years. We've made significant headway just in the last 3 years. I guess the BOTTOM (grin) line is that DD cannot and should not be binary. Sorry for the geek-speak.
Sounds like the two of you are very well suited, StrapHater and StrapEffect.

I know I’ve used this quote before on here but it seems appropriate. In the film GOOD WILL HUNTING the Robin Williams character, says to the Matt Damon character:

“You’re not perfect, sport, and let me save you the suspense: this girl you’ve met, she’s not perfect either. But the question is whether or not you’re perfect for each other?”

Sounds like you two are perfect for each other.
sweetie x
Please inform MrsSweetie, my HoH, if I'm in any way impolite, disrespectful, inapproptiate, or cause any offence

StrapHater
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Re: Male vs. Female Led DD

Post by StrapHater » Sun Oct 06, 2019 3:10 am

Thanks!! I got her number years ago. How do you like them apples? (Speaking of Good Will Hunting)

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sweetie
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Re: Male vs. Female Led DD

Post by sweetie » Sun Oct 06, 2019 3:31 am

StrapHater wrote:
Sun Oct 06, 2019 3:10 am
Thanks!! I got her number years ago. How do you like them apples? (Speaking of Good Will Hunting)
Like what you did there ;)
sweetie x
Please inform MrsSweetie, my HoH, if I'm in any way impolite, disrespectful, inapproptiate, or cause any offence

Flrswats
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Re: Male vs. Female Led DD

Post by Flrswats » Sun Oct 06, 2019 11:10 am

Straphater, I couldn’t agree more with your synopsis of being in a female led relationship. Also, inside of today’s society where women are demonstrating more strength than ever I feel like being disciplined and instructed by my wife is not so taboo or embarrassing. However it’s not something we talk about or address with friends or family. Maybe one day DD will be a normalized and socially acceptable practice that we can share with those around us.

StrapHater
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Re: Male vs. Female Led DD

Post by StrapHater » Sun Oct 06, 2019 2:01 pm

Flrswats wrote:
Sun Oct 06, 2019 11:10 am
Maybe one day DD will be a normalized and socially acceptable practice that we can share with those around us.
Flrswats, funny you should mention that... It's been an interesting 3 years as far as meeting complete strangers who are into DD. StrapEffect met others in the course of her job that she suspected of leading a TiH lifestyle. She told me it was the way they interacted... things they would say and do. Have you ever suspected?

One day she was in a conversation with the wife... and as it turned out the subject of DD came up. The wife admitted she and her husband were into DD. StrapEffect couldn't wait to share with me some of the details of that conversation... and the fact that she"d been right all along. It was eye-opening to learn there are others who reap the benefits of DD behind closed doors.

I have had the opportunity to chat BLUNTLY with more than one clinical psychologist (while researching for a white paper on Aspergers Syndrome)... and I've asked about the prevalence of the DD lifestyle. The responses have been unanimous: Each PsyD said "You'd be surprised!!" It was another eye-opening experience.

Hey, didn't I see a graph or list of survey results on one of these forums that illustrated the popularity of DD? I'd like to catch up with that again.
Last edited by StrapHater on Tue Oct 08, 2019 11:12 am, edited 1 time in total.

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