Life threatening illness and motivation

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KrystalA
Posts: 454
Joined: Thu Jan 11, 2018 4:11 pm

Life threatening illness and motivation

Post by KrystalA » Sat Jan 13, 2018 8:55 pm

Hi,
I would like to know for those of you who have a life threatening illness, how do you find the strength to get out of bed each day and do your chores?
My depression and pain caused by my illness keeps me down, but no want to over come this. I don't want to have this obsession with my illness anymore. I want to be happy again. Any ideas for me?
Thanks

Chelsea12
Posts: 121
Joined: Tue Jul 25, 2017 9:36 am
Location: North West, AR

Re: Life threatening illness and motivation

Post by Chelsea12 » Sun Jan 14, 2018 11:01 am

Krystal,

First of all I want to say that I am sorry for what you are going through. Second, I completely understand the depression and the pain aspects.

I just saw that you asked how DD helps with stress about your illness in your introduction so I am going to try and answer everything here, in this 1 post.

I want to let you know I am new to DD and we are still working on regular implementation. Please take everything I say with a grain of salt because I am still learning too.

I am not exactly sure where to begin because I am not sure where you are in the DD process. Has your husband spanked you yet or are you still discussing DD? If he has spanked you has he figured out/become comfortable with making it truly hurt? I ask these things because if he has spanked you and it has truly hurt you will understand my answers a little better.

My lack of motivation because of depression and pain is a big issue and the second biggest reason I wanted to try DD (my temper was #1). Everything I say from here on out applies to me, I recognize we are different so it may not apply to you. When you are depressed it becomes so easy to blow of cleaning and chores, especially the things that need to be repeated often. "Why bother? It only makes a difference for a day" along with many other justifications come to my mind quite often when the depression is bad. It is even worse when the pain is bad on top of the depression, it makes everything seem impossible AND pointless. The truth is, it is not pointless. Somewhere in the back of your brain you know this, even if you don't feel that way at the moment. When I don't do the things that need to be done, I feel worse about myself which in turn, makes me more depressed. It is a vicious cycle that has been going on with me for years. Because I am unable to work keeping up the house (to the best of my abilities) is one of the only things I can do to contribute to my relationship. The feelings of guilt and inadequacy are terrible when Jose is working 50+ hours a week and then has to come home and cook and clean. There are times I am unable to do anything but I am referring to the times when my only excuses for not doing anything is depression and/or mild pain. People have let me slide the majority of my life because of my illnesses and instead of helping me, it only brings on more self contempt. When I was finally able to convince Jose to give DD a try it was mostly in the areas of holding me accountable for when I didn't do the small and completely doable daily tasks I set as goals for myself. After receiving a few sound spankings that truly hurt and I became convinced that Jose would hold me accountable my motivation factors changed. I started keeping up with the tasks I set as goals (on the days it is possible) for the sole reason that I did not want to be spanked again. After a surprisingly short time I started feeling better about myself for completing these tasks, I am more comfortable in my home because it is so much cleaner, I no longer have the shame of watching Jose do things I could/should have done, and I have more confidence in my ability to accomplish things. All of these things have helped my depression immensely. The second benefit I have found is that my relationship with Jose is vastly improving because he is no longer pulling ALL the weight in the relationship. Jose has always been wonderful in caring for me when I am in a flair of having a horrible pain day but he has become even more supportive and giving on bad days because he isn't doing everything, all the time, he has more to give when it is needed.

For this to work you have to be brutally honest with yourself and your husband in differentiating the days where it would have been really hard but you COULD have done the tasks and the days that it was simply impossible, even if it means being spanked. Without that honestly, I am pretty sure DD will not work. We are still working on figuring out what to do if I break rules (not just not completing chores) and I am too ill to be punished. The brutal honesty is essential in this aspect as well. We say we will address it when I am feeling better but sometimes that is a very long time and things slip by. We are still learning through trial and error.

As for how DD helps me not be obsessed by my illness. When I am up and accomplishing things I do not have the time or inclination to dwell on my illness. When I am resting I am able to focus on what I have been able to do instead of what I am unable to do. I have truly surprised myself and found that I am capable of more than I ever thought I was. I am looking forward to pushing and seeing what else I am capable of but assumed I was not as time goes on.

At this point, I can't say enough good things about the way DD has helped me in a relatively short amount of time. I hope this has helped you see the possible benefits and eased your fears a little. Good luck and I wish you the best of health!
Love & ✨Light

KrystalA
Posts: 454
Joined: Thu Jan 11, 2018 4:11 pm

Re: Life threatening illness and motivation

Post by KrystalA » Sun Jan 14, 2018 2:36 pm

Chelsea,
Thank you soon much for replying. You did a wonderful job explaining how DD has helped you. I understand more clearly how this will help me.
To answer your question of have I been spanked yet, no. My husband is reading the website fully first to know his role, as so am I. We are talking about how we want to write out a do and don't list and what form of punishments would fit the actions.

Chelsea12
Posts: 121
Joined: Tue Jul 25, 2017 9:36 am
Location: North West, AR

Re: Life threatening illness and motivation

Post by Chelsea12 » Sun Jan 14, 2018 2:55 pm

Krystal,

I am glad I helped you see the possibilities of how DD can improve things. I hope these possibilities become realities for you as well.

I think you both reading the website and getting a plan into place is wonderful. May I suggest you also take a look at Clint's book "The Guide to Domestic Discipline" if you feel you need more information? It goes more in depth about a lot of the posts on the site along with additional information. I pretty much scoured the net for information before we began and his book was one of the most helpful I found.

Good luck on your journey and please keep us posted on how it goes!
Love & ✨Light

User avatar
NateG
Posts: 751
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 7:34 pm
Location: Virginia

Re: Life threatening illness and motivation

Post by NateG » Sun Jan 14, 2018 2:58 pm

Great post and insight

KrystalA
Posts: 454
Joined: Thu Jan 11, 2018 4:11 pm

Re: Life threatening illness and motivation

Post by KrystalA » Sun Jan 14, 2018 4:12 pm

We will have to look I to the book, but at a later date. We are in the process of packing this month bc next month we are moving. If I was to get the book now, for sure it would get lost lol lol

Joshua89
Posts: 635
Joined: Wed Nov 01, 2017 3:13 pm

Re: Life threatening illness and motivation

Post by Joshua89 » Sun Jan 14, 2018 6:39 pm

Spot on!
Chelsea12 wrote:
Sun Jan 14, 2018 11:01 am
Krystal,

First of all I want to say that I am sorry for what you are going through. Second, I completely understand the depression and the pain aspects.

I just saw that you asked how DD helps with stress about your illness in your introduction so I am going to try and answer everything here, in this 1 post.

I want to let you know I am new to DD and we are still working on regular implementation. Please take everything I say with a grain of salt because I am still learning too.

I am not exactly sure where to begin because I am not sure where you are in the DD process. Has your husband spanked you yet or are you still discussing DD? If he has spanked you has he figured out/become comfortable with making it truly hurt? I ask these things because if he has spanked you and it has truly hurt you will understand my answers a little better.

My lack of motivation because of depression and pain is a big issue and the second biggest reason I wanted to try DD (my temper was #1). Everything I say from here on out applies to me, I recognize we are different so it may not apply to you. When you are depressed it becomes so easy to blow of cleaning and chores, especially the things that need to be repeated often. "Why bother? It only makes a difference for a day" along with many other justifications come to my mind quite often when the depression is bad. It is even worse when the pain is bad on top of the depression, it makes everything seem impossible AND pointless. The truth is, it is not pointless. Somewhere in the back of your brain you know this, even if you don't feel that way at the moment. When I don't do the things that need to be done, I feel worse about myself which in turn, makes me more depressed. It is a vicious cycle that has been going on with me for years. Because I am unable to work keeping up the house (to the best of my abilities) is one of the only things I can do to contribute to my relationship. The feelings of guilt and inadequacy are terrible when Jose is working 50+ hours a week and then has to come home and cook and clean. There are times I am unable to do anything but I am referring to the times when my only excuses for not doing anything is depression and/or mild pain. People have let me slide the majority of my life because of my illnesses and instead of helping me, it only brings on more self contempt. When I was finally able to convince Jose to give DD a try it was mostly in the areas of holding me accountable for when I didn't do the small and completely doable daily tasks I set as goals for myself. After receiving a few sound spankings that truly hurt and I became convinced that Jose would hold me accountable my motivation factors changed. I started keeping up with the tasks I set as goals (on the days it is possible) for the sole reason that I did not want to be spanked again. After a surprisingly short time I started feeling better about myself for completing these tasks, I am more comfortable in my home because it is so much cleaner, I no longer have the shame of watching Jose do things I could/should have done, and I have more confidence in my ability to accomplish things. All of these things have helped my depression immensely. The second benefit I have found is that my relationship with Jose is vastly improving because he is no longer pulling ALL the weight in the relationship. Jose has always been wonderful in caring for me when I am in a flair of having a horrible pain day but he has become even more supportive and giving on bad days because he isn't doing everything, all the time, he has more to give when it is needed.

For this to work you have to be brutally honest with yourself and your husband in differentiating the days where it would have been really hard but you COULD have done the tasks and the days that it was simply impossible, even if it means being spanked. Without that honestly, I am pretty sure DD will not work. We are still working on figuring out what to do if I break rules (not just not completing chores) and I am too ill to be punished. The brutal honesty is essential in this aspect as well. We say we will address it when I am feeling better but sometimes that is a very long time and things slip by. We are still learning through trial and error.

As for how DD helps me not be obsessed by my illness. When I am up and accomplishing things I do not have the time or inclination to dwell on my illness. When I am resting I am able to focus on what I have been able to do instead of what I am unable to do. I have truly surprised myself and found that I am capable of more than I ever thought I was. I am looking forward to pushing and seeing what else I am capable of but assumed I was not as time goes on.

At this point, I can't say enough good things about the way DD has helped me in a relatively short amount of time. I hope this has helped you see the possible benefits and eased your fears a little. Good luck and I wish you the best of health!
Ephesians 5:25 - Husbands love your wife just as Christ loved the church, he gave up his life for her.

KrystalA
Posts: 454
Joined: Thu Jan 11, 2018 4:11 pm

Re: Life threatening illness and motivation

Post by KrystalA » Fri Jan 19, 2018 4:52 pm

I'm really struggling to figure out if doing chores or not is really possible. Most days the fatigue is so bad that I honestly can say I'm not sure if cleaning is possible. How can I tell if I can honestly get the work done that day vs not get it done and get spanked? Hhmmmm, lots to consider. I started a medical journal. I document how I feel and what chores I'm able to do for that day. I'm hoping this will help us figure out when discipline should be used for not cleaning vs a legit painful day.
We did get good news though. My false strokes are caused by my untreated migraine disease. So the Dr is starting me in treatment and then the false strokes will eventually still happening!! This will also make it easier for us to determine when I should be spanked or not too. The interested migraines are causing me to be very anxious. I snapped at Walter last night and got bossy with him, thankfully he just had to say in a Stern voice "watch it!" Lol it was enough for be to realize ops, I'm doing it again. So I took a moment, calmed down and apologized.

User avatar
NateG
Posts: 751
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 7:34 pm
Location: Virginia

Re: Life threatening illness and motivation

Post by NateG » Sat Jan 20, 2018 12:24 am

Very glad you got some good medical news. It would be very hard to determine on which days you were really unable to do any chores or just didn't feel like it. It would be very difficult for the HoH I would think to know how to deal with it. You just have to be as honest as possible and the two of you will eventually work it out.

Keep writing and reading.

Nate

Nswife
Posts: 110
Joined: Sun Jan 21, 2018 10:01 pm

Re: Life threatening illness and motivation

Post by Nswife » Tue Feb 20, 2018 10:20 pm

I have issues with depression and anxiety. Before we started DD I would often zone out and just not do anything for hours. Nate has been holding me more accountable and my depression and and anxiety are much better then then have been in a long time. We both notice an almost immediate change in my mood and behavior following a spanking. I would never have believed the difference it can make with depression and anxiety if I was not living it.
Good luck and I hope you have some positive results !

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