You are right, this is supposed to be a place where we can all talk and share together. Just in case you do not know, i am the Moderator/Mediator for this website. So if you come across anything that is bothersome to you or someone is being rude to you, email me here and I will step in and do my best to help solve the issue. Lovely has made wonderful points. She has noticed, as so have many others, that there are some on here who would name call, say something is never allowed or whatever. I have tried to help others see how judgemental they have been but sadly, not everyone is accepting of criticism and I had to recently give out some warnings. I hate doing that! However, I can tell you those who say those rude, disrespectful things, they are not trying to be rude. But they are expressing what they think. That does not give them the right to be rude though. The underlying tone of rudeness and disrespect is an issue on this website and I am trying to help in that area. I'm not sure if I am doing a good job or not but i am trying.
You made very good points and i agree with you. Let me see if I can help shed some light on your questions. If you ask your DD to spank you, that DOES NOT mean you are in charge. It is you expressing your need of accountability from your husband/HOH. I am trying to build up the courage to ask for a punishment when i know I've done something wrong but my husband just doesn't see it. This is part of the DD life that makes it a joint task. Books and educational material will tell us that yes, once the Sub and HOH talk out the rules and mutually understand what is happening, the sub is encouraged to "give up control" to the HOH. However, there are some couples who do not agree with this method. For me and my husband, this is what we do. We talk about it, the rules, the punishments, however he asks me what do I think about him using an implement. I will give out my answer but then i leave it up to him to choose. I trust him completely to help me learn from my mistakes. Some subs do dictate their own punishments. That is more on the Spencer Plan then DD. I have noticed that here on the forums, we have many couples who follow more of the Spencer's Plans when it comes to punishments vs the DD. This is okay as long as those individuals remember that not everyone here follows that.Sassyclouds wrote: ↑Mon Nov 05, 2018 6:35 pmThis confuses me. So, because I asked my husband for DD and to discipline me, means I'm in charge? So if my husband wanted this first-he would be in charge? I thought once you talk about it, make rules mutually, tell the HOH what is a definite NO (like a cane or whip or enemas, etc...) I thought you then give control to your now HOH. That after that point the HOH decides when you'll be punished or how many or with what implement or implements. I didn't know that the TIHs continued to dictate their punishments. Why would you want DD if your the HOH not really the TIH. How could any HOH want his or her TIH being the boss? This is so confusing. I know I want my husband to be my HOH all the time-not just when it's "convenient" to me.
Lauren has pointed out a good point too. she said, "Running the relationship and giving input are two completely different things. It doesn't matter who initiated this lifestyle. The supposed sub shouldn't be telling the dominant what is and is not going to happen when it's time to face the music. Would you allow your child to say "screw you mom, I'm not doing the time out or extra chore or getting a spanking because I don't want to?" I don't think so." There is definitely nothing more to be added to this. She hit the nail on the head
I hope you find these insights to be helpful. If you ever need someone to talk to and you are not sure if you should pst about it, i recommend becoming close friends with a few people whom you get along great with on here, then PM that person/people. I do this as well. There are a few questions i have or struggles that I now will cause fights or disrespectfulness if i was to create a thread. So i will PM a few people and ask them about it that way. We will not get along with everyone on here since there are over 650 members and well over that number of threads. Stay positive, keep an open mind as you read and respond to threads and you will go far I really enjoy reading your threads, comments, posts, etc.
I can definitely see you, lauren, and GoodLifeWife becoming awesome role models on how friends should be acting