Domestic Discipline blog: Caned for the first time

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TheGoodWifeLife
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Re: Domestic Discipline blog: Caned for the first time

Post by TheGoodWifeLife » Mon Nov 05, 2018 7:40 pm

I actually didn’t bring up DD to my dh either. It happened organically. I found this place because I was feeling a strong desire to be more submissive and stop trying to lead and overwhelm myself. I realized that I took on too much of the weight of my/our troubles rather than trusting my husband would always make decisions based on his family’s best interests. I would argue or get angry when I disagreed. I would stay awake and stew at night worrying. I’ve been actively trying my best to bring my troubles to my dh and to God and trust that they both will guide us in the right direction. I still have opinions, and I still worry sometimes, but I have learned to lean on my husband in those times rather than trying to tackle things alone that I should be sharing with him. As far as punishments go, after the first time he spanked me we talked and he told me he would only do that when he knows he’s right to. I was ok with that and accepted that. For us, that didn’t mean I was giving him my blessing to do anything else (physically) to me. He can and does occasionally tell me to go cool off somewhere, and he has taken things away when I’ve misused them. I read about TiH that are able to completely submit to punishment, but I very rarely even get the opportunity to do that as most times I’m spanked it’s immediately AS I’m saying/doing something wrong. It isn’t my decision in that moment, but he knows it’s a form of discipline I’ve accepted for our relationship. Everyone here has their own way of doing things and it’s never my intention to judge them for it. I will say that personally, I do feel it’s important to discuss with your HoH (BEFORE he’s punishing) exactly what methods he is considering using and how you feel about them. Maybe some disagree with me on that? As long as YOU'RE comfortable with the way YOUR relationship works, I want to be nothing but supportive! The only time I’d ever consider sharing anything that might be construed as my being “disapproving” or “judgmental” would be if I genuinely was concerned for someone’s well being both physical and emotional. My hope is that regardless of how each of our versions of DD work, everyone here feels safe, loved, and is comfortable with their relationship ❤️
Sassy Southern Wife & Mama & follower of Jesus

Lovely
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Re: Domestic Discipline blog: Caned for the first time

Post by Lovely » Mon Nov 05, 2018 8:16 pm

TheGoodWifeLife wrote:
Mon Nov 05, 2018 7:40 pm
Everyone here has their own way of doing things and it’s never my intention to judge them for it..............

As long as YOU'RE comfortable with the way YOUR relationship works, I want to be nothing but supportive! The only time I’d ever consider sharing anything that might be construed as my being “disapproving” or “judgmental” would be if I genuinely was concerned for someone’s well being both physical and emotional. My hope is that regardless of how each of our versions of DD work, everyone here feels safe, loved, and is comfortable with their relationship ❤️

I fully agree! ❤️

I find it quite bothersome that I keep reading constant replies in this forum saying things like "That is NOT ok", "MY husband would NEVER", "I'm not a CHILD" (as if to imply the other poster's partners are treating them like children), "He treats me with RESPECT" (again implying other's partners don't), etc. It's not constructive. It's just disrespectful, and downright hurtful. I've had enough. Even if those posts are ended with a "But if that works for you..." it really doesn't eliminate the judgemental tone of the whole thing.

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Sassyclouds
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Re: Domestic Discipline blog: Caned for the first time

Post by Sassyclouds » Mon Nov 05, 2018 8:50 pm

Thank you Lovely. Thank you Lauren and GoodLifeWife. I'm ok. I understand why. I didn't realize how my punishment would make so many people mad. I just need to talk to another TIH. I thought this site was here for that since we can't share this with our friends or family-well I can't :( Seriously though, thank you all for worrying. I would never stay in an abusive marriage. I am blessed to have such a wonderful man who is even doing this despite his initial reservations about spanking me. Have a goodnight everyone :)
I'm Sassy. After 19 yrs, married 18yrs with kids, my husband moved out 12-31-18. He told me we our separating and he moved out an hour later. We had a DD marriage for over a year but, without consistency. It was my idea. He didn't really want it.

KrystalA
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Re: Domestic Discipline blog: Caned for the first time

Post by KrystalA » Mon Nov 05, 2018 9:25 pm

SassyClouds

You are right, this is supposed to be a place where we can all talk and share together. Just in case you do not know, i am the Moderator/Mediator for this website. So if you come across anything that is bothersome to you or someone is being rude to you, email me here and I will step in and do my best to help solve the issue. Lovely has made wonderful points. She has noticed, as so have many others, that there are some on here who would name call, say something is never allowed or whatever. I have tried to help others see how judgemental they have been but sadly, not everyone is accepting of criticism and I had to recently give out some warnings. I hate doing that! However, I can tell you those who say those rude, disrespectful things, they are not trying to be rude. But they are expressing what they think. That does not give them the right to be rude though. The underlying tone of rudeness and disrespect is an issue on this website and I am trying to help in that area. I'm not sure if I am doing a good job or not but i am trying.
Sassyclouds wrote:
Mon Nov 05, 2018 6:35 pm
This confuses me. So, because I asked my husband for DD and to discipline me, means I'm in charge? So if my husband wanted this first-he would be in charge? I thought once you talk about it, make rules mutually, tell the HOH what is a definite NO (like a cane or whip or enemas, etc...) I thought you then give control to your now HOH. That after that point the HOH decides when you'll be punished or how many or with what implement or implements. I didn't know that the TIHs continued to dictate their punishments. Why would you want DD if your the HOH not really the TIH. How could any HOH want his or her TIH being the boss? This is so confusing. I know I want my husband to be my HOH all the time-not just when it's "convenient" to me.
You made very good points and i agree with you. Let me see if I can help shed some light on your questions. If you ask your DD to spank you, that DOES NOT mean you are in charge. It is you expressing your need of accountability from your husband/HOH. I am trying to build up the courage to ask for a punishment when i know I've done something wrong but my husband just doesn't see it. This is part of the DD life that makes it a joint task. Books and educational material will tell us that yes, once the Sub and HOH talk out the rules and mutually understand what is happening, the sub is encouraged to "give up control" to the HOH. However, there are some couples who do not agree with this method. For me and my husband, this is what we do. We talk about it, the rules, the punishments, however he asks me what do I think about him using an implement. I will give out my answer but then i leave it up to him to choose. I trust him completely to help me learn from my mistakes. Some subs do dictate their own punishments. That is more on the Spencer Plan then DD. I have noticed that here on the forums, we have many couples who follow more of the Spencer's Plans when it comes to punishments vs the DD. This is okay as long as those individuals remember that not everyone here follows that.

Lauren has pointed out a good point too. she said, "Running the relationship and giving input are two completely different things. It doesn't matter who initiated this lifestyle. The supposed sub shouldn't be telling the dominant what is and is not going to happen when it's time to face the music. Would you allow your child to say "screw you mom, I'm not doing the time out or extra chore or getting a spanking because I don't want to?" I don't think so." There is definitely nothing more to be added to this. She hit the nail on the head :)

I hope you find these insights to be helpful. If you ever need someone to talk to and you are not sure if you should pst about it, i recommend becoming close friends with a few people whom you get along great with on here, then PM that person/people. I do this as well. There are a few questions i have or struggles that I now will cause fights or disrespectfulness if i was to create a thread. So i will PM a few people and ask them about it that way. We will not get along with everyone on here since there are over 650 members and well over that number of threads. Stay positive, keep an open mind as you read and respond to threads and you will go far :) I really enjoy reading your threads, comments, posts, etc.

I can definitely see you, lauren, and GoodLifeWife becoming awesome role models on how friends should be acting :)

AddyJane
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Re: Domestic Discipline blog: Caned for the first time

Post by AddyJane » Tue Nov 06, 2018 6:46 am

Sassyclouds,
I highly doubt anyone is mad! Sometimes I think we all get opinionated, but ultimately you are welcome here and there is an underlying comradery (even when we see things differently.)

You should take the time to read Krystal’s reply. I think she summarized much of your concerns and made sure you feel all the more welcomed!!!

Only thing I would add, is when you are the one who introduced DD... it’s impartive that you’re not the primary source of all DD knowledge. (Eventually what Lauren mentioned, your HoH taking leadership of DD... this happens naturally if they are well equipped).

Just my opinion, but if this doesn’t happen you might always have to instigate for consistency. That’s fine if that is what you want- as Krystal mentioned many do the Spencer Spanking Plan and are very happy with it.

But my point is, a mouse does not teach a cat to be a cat, you know. 😂 Communication is great, but HoHs understand one another.

When my husband( at the time boyfriend/ fiancé) introduced me to DD... he connected me with women who understood I was clueless about DD. I did have some reading, not what we have available now.

Hopefully this helps!
Sassyclouds wrote:
Mon Nov 05, 2018 8:50 pm
Thank you Lovely. Thank you Lauren and GoodLifeWife. I'm ok. I understand why. I didn't realize how my punishment would make so many people mad. I just need to talk to another TIH. I thought this site was here for that since we can't share this with our friends or family-well I can't :( Seriously though, thank you all for worrying. I would never stay in an abusive marriage. I am blessed to have such a wonderful man who is even doing this despite his initial reservations about spanking me. Have a goodnight everyone :)
KrystalA wrote:
Mon Nov 05, 2018 9:25 pm
SassyClouds

You are right, this is supposed to be a place where we can all talk and share together. Just in case you do not know, i am the Moderator/Mediator for this website.

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Sassyclouds
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Re: Domestic Discipline blog: Caned for the first time

Post by Sassyclouds » Sun Nov 11, 2018 7:30 pm

Thank you both. I am still happy to be here. KrystalA, I didn't know what you did here. Thank you for your kind words and just caring. I want everyone to know I never messaged KrystalA. I never complained either. I am touched by her being here for everyone on this site though. Thank you KrystalA ❤
I'm Sassy. After 19 yrs, married 18yrs with kids, my husband moved out 12-31-18. He told me we our separating and he moved out an hour later. We had a DD marriage for over a year but, without consistency. It was my idea. He didn't really want it.

CassLynn
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Re: Domestic Discipline blog: Caned for the first time

Post by CassLynn » Sun Nov 11, 2018 10:45 pm

Yes different couples use different severities of punishments. We do hundreds of strokes too. We like it that way. Those of you who would never in a million years want to do that—good for you. It’s a very customized thing.

TheGoodWifeLife
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Re: Domestic Discipline blog: Caned for the first time

Post by TheGoodWifeLife » Mon Nov 12, 2018 8:32 am

CassLynn wrote:
Sun Nov 11, 2018 10:45 pm
Yes different couples use different severities of punishments. We do hundreds of strokes too. We like it that way. Those of you who would never in a million years want to do that—good for you. It’s a very customized thing.
Since I joined here I’ve learned a lot about myself. At first I thought, I don’t WANT to be spanked! I generally do try hard to be respectful and kind and honest with dh. So, my first thought when I’d read that some actually want, enjoy, NEED something like “maintenance spanking”, I immediately put that over in the “not me” category. While I still don’t believe regular scheduled painful spanking would be beneficial for ME, I now realize that there have been times when I’ve subconsciously wanted, even needed, dh to spank me. For me, it’s about being reminded that he’s still here, he still cares, and the boundaries are still firm. I need to know that. Life can get chaotic and rather than realizing and admitting to dh or myself that what I needed was for him to just give me a darned spanking, I acted out. My mood would get crabby, my emotions all over the place. I’d feel like he didn’t care or was too busy for me. All those thoughts would drive me to push the boundaries and wait for him to notice. I’ve now realized that what I was doing was exactly what I’d thought I’d “never” done. I’ve been so encouraged to really examine my own feelings, thoughts, and ideas. I’ve been challenged on them in many ways, and it’s been very good for me! While I still feel pretty certain I wouldn’t want or need quite as strict/harsh discipline, I can understand why some do. Everyone has different needs and there are times I’m not even sure what mine are. I think it’s great that there are people willing to be so open and share their intimate thoughts, desires, and experiences. Obviously, my own won’t always be the same. But because there are so many different opinions and ideas here, I’ve been re-examining what I thought I knew for sure and I’ve found that I don’t KNOW as much as I thought I knew 😉
Sassy Southern Wife & Mama & follower of Jesus

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Sassyclouds
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Re: Domestic Discipline blog: Caned for the first time

Post by Sassyclouds » Mon Nov 12, 2018 11:15 am

That's true. I don't know why I do better with more severe spankings. It is just hard when he hasn't spanked me in so long. He went a whole month after that cane spanking. So, when he spanked me a few days ago-only with the wooden paddle-it was so hard to endure.
I'm Sassy. After 19 yrs, married 18yrs with kids, my husband moved out 12-31-18. He told me we our separating and he moved out an hour later. We had a DD marriage for over a year but, without consistency. It was my idea. He didn't really want it.

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DesertRose
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Re: Domestic Discipline blog: Caned for the first time

Post by DesertRose » Wed Nov 14, 2018 3:11 pm

I see that the cane has a very bad reputation here. So I decided to never suggest it to my future-husband, but I would not object if he decided to use it .. I guess I'm just curious :?
🌸 I want a husband who will love me enough to punish me.
DesertRose

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