For Anyone Interested in DD
Posted: Tue Sep 22, 2020 2:41 pm
I wanted to tell you something that may help with the communication in your relationship/marriage. I didn't realize what I'm about to tell you until late in our marriage. If you look at your husband as your equal you will have a difficult time respecting him. You have to learn to look to him as your partner but a partner that has authority. If I could compare it to any dynamic I would say it's like you both work at a company and you're a supervisor and he's your general manager. He has to learn how to exercise his headship in a fair way that respects you and makes you feel valued while also not allowing certain things to be tolerated such as disrespect. In a secular job if we undermined our boss or disrespected their leadership we could get written up or fired. This isn't saying your husband has the right to separate or divorce you if you did those things, obviously he doesn't. I'm just saying a man that can't exercise his authority in a loving way only has the title of being the head instead of you really looking at him that way. And you want to view him in that light because that will deepen your respect for him. I researched a lot to find the answer to what we were missing. I don't want you guys to struggle with your roles. It's a very 1950s traditional approach to marriage but there's a reason why divorce rates were lower back then lol. I'm in no way saying women should be treated like slaves or that they are less important than their husbands. Our roles are just different. I think because of feminism men are viewed as being controlling if they expect certain things from their wives. But honestly if he doesn't have standards or expectations for his wife he probably doesn't have confidence in his ability to lead or confidence in himself as a man. That will be unattractive to her and she won't respect him. It's not a parent/child relationship but there are similarities. If I tell my child that he is not to yell at me but then he does and I don't discipline or correct him then he sees me as a joke and he'll do whatever he wants and won't have respect for me. If a man can't gain control of his wife (in a non-abusive way) she won't respect him. She won't see him as someone requiring respect and he won't feel respected. So guess what will happen? You'll start raising your voice at him and because he really has no authority he's going to show he's out of control and start yelling back. Then you have a bunch of drama. But if he could maintain his composure and know how to "tame" you, he'll earn your respect. Since he then feels respected he'll be moved to show you the love you want and need. I would definitely talk to your fiance or boyfriend if the relationship is heading towards marriage about this because you want him to be wearing the pants in your relationship. It might feel embarrassing to talk to him about him holding you accountable if you disrespect him or go against his direction, but you both are about to enter a beautiful union and it really will be a sense of comfort knowing you have structure in your home and a man willing to help you fulfill your role. How he would do that is something you guys would need to talk about. It will look different for each couple.