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DD and History of Child Abuse

Posted: Tue Sep 15, 2020 12:34 am
by Award01
Hey guys,
I hope everyone is having a great day. I've been thinking lately about this subject and I wanted to get your thoughts. Clearly from the title I was abused as a kid by my father until I turned 14 years old. I also witnessed a lot of violence on my sister and sometimes my mother. I've always been attracted to spanking, I never knew why and honestly I still don't. I didn't look forward to being spanked and at times severely whipped but for some odd reason here I was having interest in the subject. I got married at 19 to a nice man that I trusted and told him about the past abuse and he was obviously very caring about it. Anyway, I have had a problem with respecting him and being submissive our whole marriage really. We both want that to change. So I did research and found out about DD. I presented him with this idea and after a little thinking he agreed to do this. My question is, are there any women in this community that has a similar background as myself but has still experienced positive changes in her relationship with her husband (HoH) since practicing DD? I know this is a very personal topic and if you don't feel comfortable talking about it I do understand. I appreciate any feedback.

Re: DD and History of Child Abuse

Posted: Tue Sep 15, 2020 6:05 am
by Daninygirl
That must have been incredibly scary to experience as a child. I did not grow up in an abusive home and I can only imagine what you went through. I have done extensive research on all things domestic (I am a social worker by trade) in addition to living a DD lifestyle and my humble opinion on this topic is that while you did not have ANY control/choice in the matter while you were a child that you are now a consenting adult. Consent and choice are empowering in and of themselves. I do feel as though DD could work for you now! I would encourage you though if you have not addressed the past to consider seeking some professional support.

Re: DD and History of Child Abuse

Posted: Tue Sep 15, 2020 9:16 am
by Award01
Thank you so much Daninygirl! Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. I've gone through counseling in the past but have never really stuck with it because of the cost and I do start to back out because it's very difficult to talk about specific things that happened to me or that I witnessed. I can talk to my husband about it but still feel embarrassed even though I shouldn't, he's very sweet. I also have a close friend who I've shared things with only because she has a similar background and we both understand the feeling. I've never told her or anyone about my interest in DD and spanking though. We are keeping that part of our marriage private.

Re: DD and History of Child Abuse

Posted: Tue Sep 15, 2020 7:51 pm
by Daninygirl
I understand, some things are for sure difficult to discuss. It sounds like your husband is great and having supportive friends is helpful too. I don’t blame you for keeping DD private! Best wishes on your continued journey <3

Re: DD and History of Child Abuse

Posted: Sun Oct 04, 2020 11:19 am
by DesertRose
Studies show that 2 out 3 women are interested in spanking, but most of us (women) don't admit it.

I'm sorry that you had to go through an abusive childhood, but I'm glad that your husband is giving you the love and tenderness you need.

Your interest in spanking has nothing to do with your childhood dear. I did not go through abuse in my childhood, yet I'm craving spanking as a form of discipline. I can't even imagine my future marriage without it.

Spanking, when it's done right, makes us feel safe and loved by our man. Your desire for it probably was the reason why you're a bit disrespectful towards your husband. Unconsciously you wanted to trigger him to put you over his knee and spank you. He is a nice and sweet man, this is beautiful, but you needed more to feel loved and cared for.

Re: DD and History of Child Abuse

Posted: Wed Oct 07, 2020 12:56 am
by Award01
DesertRose,
Thank you for your input. I don't really think I unconsciously was disrespecting him because I wanted him to spank me. Over the past couple of months I've had I guess an epiphany. I never knew exactly why I disrespected him until I realized how much I craved to feel feminine in the sense of being submissive to his headship. I was missing that because he wasn't exercising any authority or truly taking the lead. This involved some very deep discussion and he truly came to understand why our marriage has suffered so much. It's not all on him by any means. I definitely have not made it easy for him to lead. In the past when he tried to lead I fought him until he would give in, and eventually he just handed over the wheel because he didn't want to fight. I realized that getting what I want all the time is not actually what I wanted. I caused him to lose respect for himself, and in the process I lost respect for him. I woke up one day a couple of months ago craving to be submissive. I had been watching videos about "alpha" males and realized I was very attracted to a lot of the traits. Spanking has been an interest of mine for a long time, I just hadn't realized that actual discipline was something I wanted. My husband has spanked me before sex but I could feel that it didn't give me the fulfillment I thought it would. I would be turned on by it but there was something missing. What was missing was that it wasn't for real and I was wanting him to be a take charge man. He is improving everyday as the head of our home and I am trying to show him respect more than I ever have before. I realized after 5 years of marriage that deep respect is key to his happiness and his love for me, and submitting to a worthy man is gratifying, especially when you know he won't tolerate any destructive behavior. When you know he isn't a man that will leave because you disrespect him or break a standard within the relationship, but rather one that sets boundaries and will hold you accountable if you step over that line.

Re: DD and History of Child Abuse

Posted: Wed Oct 07, 2020 2:56 am
by JackOfHearts
Award01 wrote:
Wed Oct 07, 2020 12:56 am
DesertRose,
Thank you for your input. I don't really think I unconsciously was disrespecting him because I wanted him to spank me. Over the past couple of months I've had I guess an epiphany. I never knew exactly why I disrespected him until I realized how much I craved to feel feminine in the sense of being submissive to his headship. I was missing that because he wasn't exercising any authority or truly taking the lead. This involved some very deep discussion and he truly came to understand why our marriage has suffered so much. It's not all on him by any means. I definitely have not made it easy for him to lead. In the past when he tried to lead I fought him until he would give in, and eventually he just handed over the wheel because he didn't want to fight. I realized that getting what I want all the time is not actually what I wanted. I caused him to lose respect for himself, and in the process I lost respect for him. I woke up one day a couple of months ago craving to be submissive. I had been watching videos about "alpha" males and realized I was very attracted to a lot of the traits. Spanking has been an interest of mine for a long time, I just hadn't realized that actual discipline was something I wanted. My husband has spanked me before sex but I could feel that it didn't give me the fulfillment I thought it would. I would be turned on by it but there was something missing. What was missing was that it wasn't for real and I was wanting him to be a take charge man. He is improving everyday as the head of our home and I am trying to show him respect more than I ever have before. I realized after 5 years of marriage that deep respect is key to his happiness and his love for me, and submitting to a worthy man is gratifying, especially when you know he won't tolerate any destructive behavior. When you know he isn't a man that will leave because you disrespect him or break a standard within the relationship, but rather one that sets boundaries and will hold you accountable if you step over that line.
Award01, this is so beautifully put and honest, thank you for this treasure!

Do you know why you fought him when he tried to lead?

Re: DD and History of Child Abuse

Posted: Wed Oct 07, 2020 1:59 pm
by Award01
I'm glad you liked my post. I think I fought him because I didn't agree with his view, normally when it came to financial matters. I am more of a spender and he isn't. I do the budget because I'm pretty good at math and he likes it that way. Also, I had a hard time respecting him because he seemed to hate having responsibilities in general. That is something I was able to recognize I was having an issue with and was able to communicate to him. I think his attitude had a lot to do with him being over my attitude though. Since I made it clear to him that I want to be submissive and follow his lead, he seems to be happier. He expressed feeling fulfilled when taking the lead which was very encouraging to hear.

Re: DD and History of Child Abuse

Posted: Thu Oct 15, 2020 3:37 pm
by DesertRose
Award01 wrote:
Wed Oct 07, 2020 12:56 am
DesertRose,
Thank you for your input. I don't really think I unconsciously was disrespecting him because I wanted him to spank me. Over the past couple of months I've had I guess an epiphany. I never knew exactly why I disrespected him until I realized how much I craved to feel feminine in the sense of being submissive to his headship. I was missing that because he wasn't exercising any authority or truly taking the lead. This involved some very deep discussion and he truly came to understand why our marriage has suffered so much. It's not all on him by any means. I definitely have not made it easy for him to lead. In the past when he tried to lead I fought him until he would give in, and eventually he just handed over the wheel because he didn't want to fight. I realized that getting what I want all the time is not actually what I wanted. I caused him to lose respect for himself, and in the process I lost respect for him. I woke up one day a couple of months ago craving to be submissive. I had been watching videos about "alpha" males and realized I was very attracted to a lot of the traits. Spanking has been an interest of mine for a long time, I just hadn't realized that actual discipline was something I wanted. My husband has spanked me before sex but I could feel that it didn't give me the fulfillment I thought it would. I would be turned on by it but there was something missing. What was missing was that it wasn't for real and I was wanting him to be a take charge man. He is improving everyday as the head of our home and I am trying to show him respect more than I ever have before. I realized after 5 years of marriage that deep respect is key to his happiness and his love for me, and submitting to a worthy man is gratifying, especially when you know he won't tolerate any destructive behavior. When you know he isn't a man that will leave because you disrespect him or break a standard within the relationship, but rather one that sets boundaries and will hold you accountable if you step over that line.
I'm glad that you're self-aware to that level and you're able to realize what's been missing in your marriage. It sounds that your husband loves you so much.. I hope that your marriage will only improve. Giving up power is not easy. You're brave to take this step!