Domestic Discipline Blog: What does the wife think after a Spanking?

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Rand E
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Domestic Discipline Blog: What does the wife think after a Spanking?

Post by Rand E » Mon Jan 06, 2020 8:41 pm

Miras retained some old blog posts, so re-posting them here so they're not lost

Post : What does the wife think after a Spanking?
URL : http://domestic-discipline.net/what-doe ... -spanking/
Posted : November 23, 2017 at 12:33 pm
Author : Clint
Tags : Beginner Domestic Discipline, Communication, Domestic Discipline, Power, Relationship advice
Categories : Beginning domestic discipline, Head of Household - Spanking, Important things: Frequently Asked Questions

Recently, I got spanked (actually twice, for two separate things) and afterwards it got me thinking about the different mindsets that I go through after a spanking. These are different with each spanking, and depend on a lot of different factors such as my attitude going into the spanking, how hard the spanking was, what type of spanking it was (maintenance when we used to do them, reminder, stress-relief, or punishment), and more.

http://domestic-discipline.net/wp-conte ... 00x225.jpg

The not-so-submissive mindset

This one is rare, but I call this one the “not-s0-submissive” mindset because that’s exactly what it is- pretty much not submissive. This includes things like immediately thinking about how to get around the “no rubbing after a spanking rule” and things such as not being exactly cooperative with the spanking process. This is the mindset I try the hardest to avoid, because I hate it, and I know Clint isn’t a big fan either. I’ve found, over the years, that this mindset tends to happen the most when one of the following things has occurred beforehand: I was upset, or angry, going into the spanking, the spanking wasn’t hard or long enough or I felt it was an unfair spanking to begin with. I can count on one hand the number of spankings that I’ve had over the last 6 years that I didn’t feel was fair or justified at the time (actually, I can count on just a few fingers), so the last scenario there is extremely infrequent, but it happens nevertheless.

In situations like this, Clint has learned over time to become pretty good at predicting or noticing when this mindset is occurring and, because of that, has learned how to change it. Usually, that is by adding additional spanks (if the mindset was due to the spanking not being hard/long enough) which almost always does the trick, and changes my mindset rather quickly. He’s also been known to lecture a little bit after the spanking in times like this, which has worked great as well.

The “I’m super sorry and I’ll never do it again!” mindset

This one is a little more common, and I think is what all submissive partners (and even HOH’s) envision when they think of the moments after a spanking. You know, that picture of the submissive partner laying there promising never to do it again, apologizing for the misbehavior, and likely crying? Yeah. That’s this mindset. This one occurs more frequently, and is usually after the spanking was long/hard enough, and/or the lecture beforehand was well done. Most of the time, this mindset comes when my attitude going into the spanking is already very submissive, and “right” for lack of a better description.

When this mindset occurs, I’m way (way) less likely to even think about rubbing it afterwards, let alone breaking any sort of rule for a long, long time. It’s also when I feel the most at peace,and I know Clint prefers this one because it shows to him that I really understand what the problem was, why it was a problem, and reassures him that the message he was trying to send was well received. In spanking situations, this is the mindset we both aim for in a discipline spanking situation.

The “dang that really hurt!” mindset

Portions of this mindset technically occur in the above two (the thought of “man, my butt is really stinging!”) but this particular mindset all its own is when my focus after the spanking is solely on the pain, and not on what the spanking was originally for. With this mindset, I’m definitely still in that “submissive, it won’t happen again!” frame of mind, but it’s included with focusing solely on the pain, and less on things like any form of a lecture afterwards (which is rare, but still..) or instructions about not rubbing it, and reminders of the fact I will get spanked if this happens again.

What I’ve found is that this mindset typically occurs if the lecture before the spanking is short, or if it’s nonexistent. One of the reasons lecturing, for us personally, is so important is because it’s effective in changing my attitude going into the spanking, which thus controls the outcome of it. It’s also important because if it’s short, or nonexistent, it’s likely to keep my focus solely on the pain of the spanking, or just wanting to get it over with, and less on actually learning anything from it.

To combat this mindset from occurring, we started using blended spankings ( http://domestic-discpline.net/blended-spankings ) , which include a short lecture mid-punishment. This has drastically cut down on this mindset occurring after the spanking as it helps to refocus my attention.

The “I feel so much better!” mindset

This frame of mind sometimes occurs in conjunction with the second mindset I talked about, although not always. This mindset occurs most often after a non-discipline spanking (which would mainly be stress relief spankings) and occasionally after spankings where a heavy amount of guilt was surrounding the offense to begin with. This mindset always seems to reaffirm to me why the domestic discipline lifestyle works so well. The feelings afterward, especially when displayed with this frame of mind, for both my husband and I are well worth it.

In this mindset, it’s more of a relief than anything, often for both of us. My husband enjoys making me happy (and, he’s really good at it, I must say!) so when I’m overwhelmed, stressed, feeling guilty, or really upset, he feels it too. The “I feel so much better” mindset has a way of helping him feel better too, which becomes a win-win for us both.

All in all, what I’ve learned through these four mindsets, and probably others, is that the mindset after a spanking highly depends on the attitudes and actions before a spanking. If I don’t feel the punishment is fair, or if I’m upset before the spanking about something (whether related to the offense, or not) then I’m much more likely to feel upset after the spanking as well (this is why I don’t believe you can “spank into complete submission”, but that’s another topic for another post..). If the lecture is sufficient, and the spanking was hard, then I’m much more likely to be apologetic, submissive, and contrite afterwards. If I’m feeling totally guilty beforehand, and effort is made by Clint to ensure that guilt is swept away (either by talking to me about what happened beforehand, spanking, or another form) then I’m more likely to feel much better afterwards and like the slate is wiped clean. And, finally, if the lecture is lacking beforehand, I’ll likely just focus on the pain only after the spanking, which means it won’t be as effective in changing behaviors.

So, there you have it. Bottom line- attitudes, reactions, and actions before the spankings strongly dictates the attitudes, reactions, and actions after it is over.

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Sassyclouds
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Re: Domestic Discipline Blog: What does the wife think after a Spanking?

Post by Sassyclouds » Fri Jan 10, 2020 6:25 pm

I agree with that last paragraph completely. I mean, it summed it up perfectly. I also liked when you said:

"I was upset, or angry, going into the spanking, the spanking wasn’t hard or long enough or I felt it was an unfair spanking to begin with".

Usually, for us, it was not being spanked long enough. It would be over so quickly. It hurt, but it was so short. He didn't give warm ups. He didn't lecture. The whole process was just so short. However, I would bruise and hurt a lot, so I was good 😆

When he punished me wrongly (I felt...), I would go into the spanking angry. The right mindset is very, very important with me. I would be angry still when he stopped spanking me. I hurt physically and emotionally. I would rather hurt physically, NOT EMOTIONALLY 😥

The severe spankings were longer. I already felt guilty before he started spanking me, so when he finally stopped, I always felt super submissive, loved so much and respected and loved my HOH more.

I didn't deserve severe/long spankings often, but they were my best spankings. I guess, because, he spent so much time on those...
I had a marriage with DD. I definitely want that again, if I ever get married again. The closeness and secure feeling in DD was wonderful. The love and respect is amplified after a discipline spanking.... I miss it. I miss having an HOH to help me.

Lee C
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Re: Domestic Discipline Blog: What does the wife think after a Spanking?

Post by Lee C » Fri Jan 10, 2020 11:51 pm

Sassyclouds wrote:
Fri Jan 10, 2020 6:25 pm
I hurt physically and emotionally. I would rather hurt physically, NOT EMOTIONALLY 😥

I already felt guilty before he started spanking me, so when he finally stopped, I always felt super submissive, loved so much and respected and loved my HOH more.

I didn't deserve severe/long spankings often, but they were my best spankings. I guess, because, he spent so much time on those...
This is what I imagined to be true. I thought it was just me. What I wouldn't give to be loved like this!
My dream is to love my wife and be loved by her and I am willing to submit to her disciplinary authority so that I can be the best I can be to serve her and others.

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Sassyclouds
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Re: Domestic Discipline Blog: What does the wife think after a Spanking?

Post by Sassyclouds » Sat Jan 11, 2020 3:07 am

But, I wasn't. I mean, he never wanted DD. It was only great for a few months and then it became horrible. He was so inconsistent. He left me feeling sad when he wouldn't do it and guilty if he did punish me. Being spanked for discipline by someone who doesn't care is awful. I begged him to stop. He said no. He said we would always have DD in our marriage. Again, I told him I don't want it anymore. It just confused me and hurt so much emotionally, mentally, etc. Well, he said I consented already, so we will always do it...

If I ever remarry and have a Domestic Discipline marriage (I hope), I think stressing communication, commitment and consent in a DD lifestyle is so crucial...

Well, I hope you'll get to experience one day...

I was so happy those first few months 😊
I had a marriage with DD. I definitely want that again, if I ever get married again. The closeness and secure feeling in DD was wonderful. The love and respect is amplified after a discipline spanking.... I miss it. I miss having an HOH to help me.

Lee C
Posts: 75
Joined: Fri Oct 11, 2019 9:26 pm
Location: Northeast US

Re: Domestic Discipline Blog: What does the wife think after a Spanking?

Post by Lee C » Mon Jan 13, 2020 9:46 am

Sassyclouds wrote:
Sat Jan 11, 2020 3:07 am
But, I wasn't. I mean, he never wanted DD. It was only great for a few months and then it became horrible. He was so inconsistent. He left me feeling sad when he wouldn't do it and guilty if he did punish me. Being spanked for discipline by someone who doesn't care is awful. I begged him to stop. He said no. He said we would always have DD in our marriage. Again, I told him I don't want it anymore. It just confused me and hurt so much emotionally, mentally, etc. Well, he said I consented already, so we will always do it...

If I ever remarry and have a Domestic Discipline marriage (I hope), I think stressing communication, commitment and consent in a DD lifestyle is so crucial...

Well, I hope you'll get to experience one day...

I was so happy those first few months 😊
I REALLY don't like that guy....! :twisted:

I feel a kindred spirit in you, so I have myself convinced I understand how you feel about a lot of things, despite never meeting in person. It must be worse being a woman because of the need of security that it so integral to a woman's foundation. I don't have that need so I don't have that extra dimension to cope with but I do need someone who believes in me.

Part of what appeals to me about DD is the pursuit of excellence. In thought and deed, behavior and attitude. I thrive on that and love the accountability of DD. The idea that someone believes in me, that knows I'm capable of so much more than my failures and is willing to encourage and nurture the best in me. Knowing that no one believes in me enough to encourage me in daily life, let alone in DD, must be similar to your need to be secure, or at least feel secure, even if it's a feeling and not a reality per se.

Another thing that appeals is communication. It's an awful burden to not know what the woman I'm with wants. Sometimes the mystery is good because it brings out an opportunity to really serve and have to work my butt off, but most of the time, I'd rather have clear communication about what she wants, how she wants it and when she wants it. I love the expectation of performance on my part and the structured aspect of DD appeals to me greatly with that in mind.

I can't say definitively but I would think communication is the highest achievement of DD.
Communication of the interest in DD in the first place.
Communication to work out the initial details of how it might work to get started.
Communication of what is acceptable and what is not and the consequences of both.
Communication about what discipline will be and how it will be. Lecture and spanking alone is pure communication, there is (or I assume should be) no clearer expression of communication than the moments of accountability and discipline.
The communication of after-care.
The communication of continual refinement of all aspects of DD etc etc etc

In all of that, I see love, trust, commitment, respect, honor and all the myriad ways a relationship can be nurtured and grown into something beyond expectation. I see a hope in all of this and I have learned to live without many things in this life but I am convinced, now more than ever, that no one can live without hope. And just for clarification's sake, DD does not provide hope without the foundation of love needed for a successful relationship. But I believe with all my heart that if the foundation is good, the "house" that ccan be built can both a mansion and a fortress, impregnable to the temptations and evils that attack marriage at every turn.

We can hope together my friend!
My dream is to love my wife and be loved by her and I am willing to submit to her disciplinary authority so that I can be the best I can be to serve her and others.

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Sassyclouds
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Re: Domestic Discipline Blog: What does the wife think after a Spanking?

Post by Sassyclouds » Mon Jan 13, 2020 10:12 am

I really do hope your dreams and needs are fulfilled 😊 Thank you, again, for being so nice to me. We are a lot alike. God Bless You, Lee 🙏
I had a marriage with DD. I definitely want that again, if I ever get married again. The closeness and secure feeling in DD was wonderful. The love and respect is amplified after a discipline spanking.... I miss it. I miss having an HOH to help me.

Lee C
Posts: 75
Joined: Fri Oct 11, 2019 9:26 pm
Location: Northeast US

Re: Domestic Discipline Blog: What does the wife think after a Spanking?

Post by Lee C » Mon Jan 13, 2020 10:48 am

Sassyclouds wrote:
Mon Jan 13, 2020 10:12 am
I really do hope your dreams and needs are fulfilled 😊 Thank you, again, for being so nice to me. We are a lot alike. God Bless You, Lee 🙏
God blessed me with you to talk to. What more could I ask for? I will pay that back every chance I get!
My dream is to love my wife and be loved by her and I am willing to submit to her disciplinary authority so that I can be the best I can be to serve her and others.

oldfashionedwife
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Joined: Mon Jun 17, 2019 8:06 pm

Re: Domestic Discipline Blog: What does the wife think after a Spanking?

Post by oldfashionedwife » Tue Jan 14, 2020 3:58 pm

I am stuck in the "Man does that hurt" mindset...My husband thinks spankings should be fast and hard...no lecturing, no warm up...Even though I know it's supposed to hurt, it's kind of a shock to my brain and I spend the whole time trying to escape it rather than accept it...I don't get to actually wrap my brain around the reasons it is needed...I've tried explaining this to him and if anyone has an article or personal experience that might help him understand I would greatly appreciate if you shared it...

Rand E
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Re: Domestic Discipline Blog: What does the wife think after a Spanking?

Post by Rand E » Tue Jan 14, 2020 10:46 pm

oldfashionedwife wrote:
Tue Jan 14, 2020 3:58 pm
I am stuck in the "Man does that hurt" mindset...My husband thinks spankings should be fast and hard...no lecturing, no warm up...Even though I know it's supposed to hurt, it's kind of a shock to my brain and I spend the whole time trying to escape it rather than accept it...I don't get to actually wrap my brain around the reasons it is needed...I've tried explaining this to him and if anyone has an article or personal experience that might help him understand I would greatly appreciate if you shared it...
When I spank my wife, I pretty much do the same thing - keep it short, intense, really unpleasant, and get it over with. But in our case, I do try to ensure that there is a meeting of the minds about the why and the how as much as possible before the punishment. It sounds like what you want is for your husband to give you some breathing room and discuss the issue before doing the deed so that you can get into the right frame of mind.

Check out: https://forum.domestic-discipline.net/v ... =23&t=1304

It's a blog article from Clint on the Art of the Lecture.

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