Mel41 wrote: ↑Wed Feb 27, 2019 7:07 pmI've read about the Spencer Plan before but I wonder how well it would work in practice. While both partners in a relationship are going to make mistakes, I wonder about this tit-for-tat relationship style and how well it works long term. In most relationships there is one person who is more dominant than the other, even if this difference is slight. We see it in friendships, work relationships and intimate relationships. Because of these inherent differences I would never be able to strike my husband, and still retain the level of respect that I have for him. And, truth be told, he is way harder on himself when he does screw up than I would ever be.
My wife and I have not experienced any sort of tit-for-tat phenomenon with our cooperative DD arrangement. If anything, we are more conservative and judicious about dealing out punishment knowing that we will soon enough be on the receiving end. Of course, that's just us. I haven't even spoken to other cooperative DD or Spencer couples, so I have no idea what normally happens. I also can't speak to the long-term question since we have only been doing this a little over a year. All I can say is, so far so good.
As for dominant and submissive personality traits, I think that those are not absolute, but a matter of degree as you appear to acknowledge in your remarks. I doubt that it's ever 50/50 between any couple, but by the same token, I doubt that it's ever 100/0 either. I recon that I am more dominant than my wife by something like 80/20. And not surprisingly I punish my wife more frequently than she punishes me in a close proportion to that 80/20 estimate.
So, what happens to the dominant aspects of the subs personality in a traditional DD arrangement? Are they simply suppressed? Same question concerning the doms submissive aspects. One could argue that the arrangement my wife and I have, with its relative dominance and submission features, is a better fit for our relative dom/sub personality traits than the 100% dom/sub relationship found in traditional DD would be.
Having said that, I admit it's no piece of cake. I don't know this for a fact, but I suspect that the cooperative DD arrangement we have is quite a bit more complicated on many different levels, and hence more difficult to pull off, than a straightforward traditional DD arrangement. Maybe we will hit the wall at some point. Just have to wait and see.