Domestic Discipline blog: Punishments: The Spencer Spanking Plan

New blog posts from Domestic-Discipline.net.
Rand E
Posts: 239
Joined: Thu Jul 12, 2018 5:45 pm
Location: Los Angeles

Re: Domestic Discipline blog: Punishments: The Spencer Spanking Plan

Post by Rand E » Tue Nov 26, 2019 10:48 pm

Mel41 wrote:
Wed Feb 27, 2019 7:07 pm
I've read about the Spencer Plan before but I wonder how well it would work in practice. While both partners in a relationship are going to make mistakes, I wonder about this tit-for-tat relationship style and how well it works long term. In most relationships there is one person who is more dominant than the other, even if this difference is slight. We see it in friendships, work relationships and intimate relationships. Because of these inherent differences I would never be able to strike my husband, and still retain the level of respect that I have for him. And, truth be told, he is way harder on himself when he does screw up than I would ever be.

My wife and I have not experienced any sort of tit-for-tat phenomenon with our cooperative DD arrangement. If anything, we are more conservative and judicious about dealing out punishment knowing that we will soon enough be on the receiving end. Of course, that's just us. I haven't even spoken to other cooperative DD or Spencer couples, so I have no idea what normally happens. I also can't speak to the long-term question since we have only been doing this a little over a year. All I can say is, so far so good.

As for dominant and submissive personality traits, I think that those are not absolute, but a matter of degree as you appear to acknowledge in your remarks. I doubt that it's ever 50/50 between any couple, but by the same token, I doubt that it's ever 100/0 either. I recon that I am more dominant than my wife by something like 80/20. And not surprisingly I punish my wife more frequently than she punishes me in a close proportion to that 80/20 estimate.

So, what happens to the dominant aspects of the subs personality in a traditional DD arrangement? Are they simply suppressed? Same question concerning the doms submissive aspects. One could argue that the arrangement my wife and I have, with its relative dominance and submission features, is a better fit for our relative dom/sub personality traits than the 100% dom/sub relationship found in traditional DD would be.

Having said that, I admit it's no piece of cake. I don't know this for a fact, but I suspect that the cooperative DD arrangement we have is quite a bit more complicated on many different levels, and hence more difficult to pull off, than a straightforward traditional DD arrangement. Maybe we will hit the wall at some point. Just have to wait and see.

KrystalA
Posts: 516
Joined: Thu Jan 11, 2018 4:11 pm
Location: Arizona

Re: Domestic Discipline blog: Punishments: The Spencer Spanking Plan

Post by KrystalA » Tue Dec 03, 2019 12:10 am

Mel41 wrote:
Wed Feb 27, 2019 7:07 pm
I've read about the Spencer Plan before but I wonder how well it would work in practice. While both partners in a relationship are going to make mistakes, I wonder about this tit-for-tat relationship style and how well it works long term. In most relationships there is one person who is more dominant than the other, even if this difference is slight. We see it in friendships, work relationships and intimate relationships. Because of these inherent differences I would never be able to strike my husband, and still retain the level of respect that I have for him. And, truth be told, he is way harder on himself when he does screw up than I would ever be.
Mel,
I never thought of this, good observation. I am guessing one spouse could be more dominate but knowing you could be disciplined by your other half may help decrease the domination attitude. I could definitely see the more submissive partner helping the other to not be so dominate. Just like vise verses, the dominate could help the sub to not be so submissive and learn to be dominate. But I guess it would all depends on the plan between the couple.

Olivia
Posts: 35
Joined: Mon Nov 25, 2019 11:09 am

Re: Domestic Discipline blog: Punishments: The Spencer Spanking Plan

Post by Olivia » Tue Dec 03, 2019 1:06 am

Yes, very interesting and so many good points! We don't practice Spencer Plan, so idk much about it but for what it's worth, lol, I don't think any relationship, certainly any healthy and/ or dd relationship is,100/0....(I was surprised to see 80/20 to be the common ratio) but a common question for the ladies in dd and could be where the Spencer Plan enters in is ..
what happens when he behaves poorly?.... for us, I don't shy away from addressing the matter.... but it has to be in a respectful manner....I don't punish him, like in the Spencer Plan, but let him know it bothered me and how and I offer solutions for future situations which he takes into account (mostly bc communication is a skill Ibrought into the relationship) ....so I can see how the Spencer Plan could work for some couples if both are on the same page with what I find to be the spirit of dd, which is respect and responsibility... otherwise, especially with the inexperienced, I could see tit for tat coming into play

Rand E
Posts: 239
Joined: Thu Jul 12, 2018 5:45 pm
Location: Los Angeles

Re: Domestic Discipline blog: Punishments: The Spencer Spanking Plan

Post by Rand E » Wed Dec 04, 2019 12:50 am

Olivia wrote:
Tue Dec 03, 2019 1:06 am
Yes, very interesting and so many good points! We don't practice Spencer Plan, so idk much about it but for what it's worth, lol, I don't think any relationship, certainly any healthy and/ or dd relationship is,100/0....(I was surprised to see 80/20 to be the common ratio) but a common question for the ladies in dd and could be where the Spencer Plan enters in is ..
what happens when he behaves poorly?.... for us, I don't shy away from addressing the matter.... but it has to be in a respectful manner....I don't punish him, like in the Spencer Plan, but let him know it bothered me and how and I offer solutions for future situations which he takes into account (mostly bc communication is a skill Ibrought into the relationship) ....so I can see how the Spencer Plan could work for some couples if both are on the same page with what I find to be the spirit of dd, which is respect and responsibility... otherwise, especially with the inexperienced, I could see tit for tat coming into play
The 80/20 ratio is just my sense of my wife and me. It would sure be interesting if the DD couples on this forum gave their assessment of the dom/sub ratio between themselves and their spouses just to see how these ratios seem to run. I suspect they would be all over the map.

Also, a simple ratio is very blunt measurement that doesn't take into account how dominant and submissive behavior can ebb and flow with time and circumstances. When my wife is in full up dom mode, there's no 20% about it, she's like a force of nature, and my 80% dominant aspect is pretty much tucked away in some deep corner of my brain at that point.

I realize that most of the subs/TiHs would be hesitant or unwilling to spank their doms/HoHs. But in our case, my wife and I have been a heavy spanko switch couple for 25+ years. Spanking each other is old hat, and made it rather more easy, I think, for us to adopt spanking for discipline as a 2-way activity. But the principle would be the same even if my wife insisted only on suitable non-physical punishments. It's all about the submission to her authority, not the form of the punishment.
.

Olivia
Posts: 35
Joined: Mon Nov 25, 2019 11:09 am

Re: Domestic Discipline blog: Punishments: The Spencer Spanking Plan

Post by Olivia » Wed Dec 04, 2019 9:35 am

Rand E,

I hope you didn't take any offense by my post, it certainly wasn't my intention!... but it's difficult to tell sometimes when you're just reading something and you can't hear the tone so just to be safe I didn't mean any disrespect to the arrangement you and your wife share.
I'm sure the power ratio is all over the map, and it makes a lot of sense that it changes depending on a given day or situation... I'd just read from a few people that they also estimated 80/20 and I found that interesting (not good or bad, by any means) ....I appreciate you sharing more about your relationship and I guess I was surprised how similar I found it to our relationship, even though the dynamics are different

User avatar
Miras
Posts: 602
Joined: Thu May 03, 2018 6:26 am
Location: Prague, Czech Republic

Re: Domestic Discipline blog: Punishments: The Spencer Spanking Plan

Post by Miras » Wed Dec 04, 2019 3:00 pm

I think one possible interpretation of The Spencer Spanking Plan is the situation when DD is practiced .... by SJW.
Occasionally friendly Spencerist guy
Faktor IV of MdI - Maghan
Unofficial member of The Wicked Tribe
Putting DD back into BuDDhism

Lauren
Posts: 864
Joined: Sat Feb 03, 2018 6:45 pm
Location: Wisconsin

Re: Domestic Discipline blog: Punishments: The Spencer Spanking Plan

Post by Lauren » Wed Dec 04, 2019 3:50 pm

Who is SJW?

User avatar
Miras
Posts: 602
Joined: Thu May 03, 2018 6:26 am
Location: Prague, Czech Republic

Re: Domestic Discipline blog: Punishments: The Spencer Spanking Plan

Post by Miras » Wed Dec 04, 2019 3:52 pm

Lauren wrote:
Wed Dec 04, 2019 3:50 pm
Who is SJW?

It means Social justice warrior, usually used as pejorative.
Occasionally friendly Spencerist guy
Faktor IV of MdI - Maghan
Unofficial member of The Wicked Tribe
Putting DD back into BuDDhism

KrystalA
Posts: 516
Joined: Thu Jan 11, 2018 4:11 pm
Location: Arizona

Re: Domestic Discipline blog: Punishments: The Spencer Spanking Plan

Post by KrystalA » Wed Dec 04, 2019 6:35 pm

I dont understand how or why there is a need for SJW title in the Spensor Plan. Can anyone help explain this?

User avatar
Miras
Posts: 602
Joined: Thu May 03, 2018 6:26 am
Location: Prague, Czech Republic

Re: Domestic Discipline blog: Punishments: The Spencer Spanking Plan

Post by Miras » Thu Dec 05, 2019 1:28 am

KrystalA wrote:
Wed Dec 04, 2019 6:35 pm
I dont understand how or why there is a need for SJW title in the Spensor Plan. Can anyone help explain this?
It was just a joke... Becouse of t´s emphasis on fairness.
Occasionally friendly Spencerist guy
Faktor IV of MdI - Maghan
Unofficial member of The Wicked Tribe
Putting DD back into BuDDhism

Post Reply