Nothing has changed

Tanaquil
Posts: 23
Joined: Mon Nov 12, 2018 2:28 pm

Nothing has changed

Post by Tanaquil » Mon Nov 26, 2018 2:11 pm

So we're almost 2 weeks into our agreement and I feel like nothing has really changed. My HOH hasn't punished me.

He has on occasion reminded me that I asked him to be the leader when I am being disagreeable. But that's all.

Granted, I am usually very obedient anyway. Even before I expressed that I wanted to be explicitly submissive to him, I tried very hard to please him. I read "The Respect Dare" a few years ago. And I felt like "respect' was in some ways a euphemism for being submissive.

I am naturally very submissive in the first place but I can still sometimes be stubborn or disrespectful, even if it's minor.

I just want my HOH to put me in my place, in some way. I have told him that I am tempted to do something to be very disrespectful, just to provoke him to punish me or put me in my place. I don't want to do that. I want to be sweet and submissive to him. But I need to feel his dominance over me.

He is a very sweet guy and is always understanding of me when I behabe disrespectfully. How can I get him to understand that I just need to be put in my place?

Tanaquil
Posts: 23
Joined: Mon Nov 12, 2018 2:28 pm

Re: Nothing has changed

Post by Tanaquil » Mon Nov 26, 2018 4:17 pm

Not that anyone is reading this anyway, but I just got a response from my HOH that he just wants this to be confined to the bedroom anyway.

I am kind of heartbroken. I thought he was willing to actually dominate me.

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sweetie
Posts: 1126
Joined: Fri May 18, 2018 6:53 am
Location: United Kingdom

Re: Nothing has changed

Post by sweetie » Mon Nov 26, 2018 4:31 pm

Sorry to hear that, Tanaquil. Don’t give up though, if he wants to do it in the bedroom then there’s still hope.
sweetie x
Please inform MrsSweetie, my HoH, if I'm in any way impolite, disrespectful, inapproptiate, or cause any offence

TheGoodWifeLife
Posts: 413
Joined: Sat Oct 27, 2018 11:02 am
Location: Tennessee, USA

Re: Nothing has changed

Post by TheGoodWifeLife » Mon Nov 26, 2018 4:31 pm

I’m sure this is a tough spot to be in. I might suggest a couple of things. First, communicate very clearly what you’re asking for. I’m not sure what y’all have already discussed exactly, but if you haven’t already, be very specific about the things you’re asking him to do. Many people suggest writing a list of things you both agree you can improve and choose the top 1-2 to start off with. Those are your first rules. You could even decide together what you both feel should happen when a rule is broken and how punishments might escalate for repeat offenses. Of course, the decision should be ultimately up to your HoH, but you can express your needs and expectations as well. Another idea I have is to send him or read with him some specific articles or posts you’ve found that you related to and explain why this is so important to you. Show him other’s testimony of how and why this works for them and discuss how you specifically think your relationship could benefit. Finally, as difficult as this is, if you truly desire to be a submissive partner, you should continue to live that out, with or without punishment. You never know, your husband might still change his mind about DD over time. I think all of us, even the most practiced here, have struggled with consistency at one time or another in our relationship! In the meantime, do your best to obey the rules anyway and stay respectful. Offer up bits of information or ideas when y’all are both calm and relaxed (not in the middle of an argument lol). And give him time to adjust and find his role the best way he knows how. I wish y’all the best!
Sassy Southern Wife & Mama & follower of Jesus

TheGoodWifeLife
Posts: 413
Joined: Sat Oct 27, 2018 11:02 am
Location: Tennessee, USA

Re: Nothing has changed

Post by TheGoodWifeLife » Mon Nov 26, 2018 4:33 pm

Tanaquil wrote:
Mon Nov 26, 2018 4:17 pm
Not that anyone is reading this anyway, but I just got a response from my HOH that he just wants this to be confined to the bedroom anyway.

I am kind of heartbroken. I thought he was willing to actually dominate me.
I’m sorry, I was writing my reply to you before you posted this. I still think my suggestions might be helpful, though. Don’t lose hope, lots and lots of DD couples took time to grow confident in their roles.
Sassy Southern Wife & Mama & follower of Jesus

Tanaquil
Posts: 23
Joined: Mon Nov 12, 2018 2:28 pm

Re: Nothing has changed

Post by Tanaquil » Mon Nov 26, 2018 11:15 pm

Thanks. I'll think about some of those things. I have had him read some things and then I thought we had sort of come to an agreement to try out. But he's hesitant.

Rand E
Posts: 93
Joined: Thu Jul 12, 2018 5:45 pm
Location: Los Angeles

Re: Nothing has changed

Post by Rand E » Tue Nov 27, 2018 12:31 am

Have you ever done anything that your spouse felt really deserved corporal punishment? That made him really want to punish you? Earlier this year, my wife pulled a stunt that had me so pissed, I spanked the hell out of her for it. I had spanked her plenty times before, always bedroom hanky-panky. But this time, it was for real. I felt guilty and weird about it just afterward, but I was surprised to discover how cathartic it really was. Somehow, it seemed to resolve the anger and the guilt and get it over with. No moping and silent treatment and lingering emotional hurt. Just sentence rendered and carried out, consequences, redemption, and resolution. But I have to admit, we are nowhere near the formal rules and consequences methodology practiced by the couples on this forum. Nevertheless, I think I see the benefits of spousal corporal punishment now, but for my wife and me, I'm not sure where it's going or what's going to happen next.

Mel41
Posts: 189
Joined: Thu Nov 15, 2018 4:58 pm

Re: Nothing has changed

Post by Mel41 » Tue Nov 27, 2018 7:47 am

I feel your frustration Tanaquil. Hopefully you guys can come to a solution that works for both of you. Just keep communicating and trust that you both have each others' best interests at heart.
🎵 Hit me baby one more time 🎵

Joshua89
Posts: 635
Joined: Wed Nov 01, 2017 3:13 pm

Re: Nothing has changed

Post by Joshua89 » Wed Nov 28, 2018 10:58 am

Honestly, this sites book "domestic discipline for beginners" helped us get back on the right track
, after some advice from an FLR site that was more bdsm / bedroom related that didn't fit our needs.
Ephesians 5:25 - Husbands love your wife just as Christ loved the church, he gave up his life for her.

Tanaquil
Posts: 23
Joined: Mon Nov 12, 2018 2:28 pm

Re: Nothing has changed

Post by Tanaquil » Fri Dec 07, 2018 2:56 pm

Thanks everyone!

So last night I was speaking disrespectfully to my husband and he told me if I kept it up, he would have to put me in the corner.

I stopped being disrespectful because I really want to be submissive to my husband. I'm trying not to be disobedient just to test him and get him to punish me.

But I'm feeling optimistic about his willingness to take on the role of the authority figure.

I'm trying to be patient and allow my husband to lead in the way he chooses.

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