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Re: Brand New and Scared Shitless

Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2018 11:02 am
by darrone
Mel41 wrote:
Wed Nov 21, 2018 6:33 pm
Thanks everyone for the reassuring words! I am the one who initiated DD, although to my surprise he had been reading about for about a year before I ever brought it up. But the reality is, I'm sure, no where near the fantasy. My anxiety is about a 6/10 at the best of times. Knowing that I have a spanking coming will likely boost that to an 8 and cause me to lose sleep and not eat.
Have you considered using a safe-word to help you through the first punishment? When a wife is apprehensive about how painful her first spanking will be, knowing she can pause proceedings gives comfort and reassurance. It also helps the HoH to judge her level of tolerance.

Re: Brand New and Scared Shitless

Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2018 5:48 pm
by Mel41
It's not the pain I am worried about, actually. I know I can handle that. It's more the emotions that scare me. DH and I have never fought. Literally, never. We have always talked everything through before it ever escalated to that point. So I've never had to experience him being upset with me/disappointed/frustrated. that will be a first for us - setting rules and consequences. And that's what I am struggling with - if I'll be able to handle the emotional discomfort, if that makes sense.

Re: Brand New and Scared Shitless

Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2018 2:33 pm
by TrentMontana
Normal to be nervous.

Spankings and discipline are better, not worse, for someone who tends to be neurotic (your words) but aftercare is important. Plan ahead of time for how aftercare will go - aftercare, not discussion.

Do talk about how it went, but I recommend to wait 24-48 hours first. Give yourself time to cool off and process the whole experience (including how your focus and self discipline improve after punishment) before you tell him what was helpful or unhelpful from your perspective.

But give him full permission - you gave him a mandate, expect him to use it. Then and only then will you reap benefits - when you know he can and WILL hold you accountable to your mutual goals.

Re: Brand New and Scared Shitless

Posted: Wed Jan 16, 2019 3:40 pm
by DesertRose
I find the idea of asking to be disciplined easier than asking for aftercare ... especially if the sub is the one who introduced DD.

I mean .. how this conversation will go?
"Hey honey.. I want you to punish me then comfort me afterwards"

It makes sense only in my head.

Re: Brand New and Scared Shitless

Posted: Wed Jan 16, 2019 4:37 pm
by SurrealSD
DesertRose wrote:
Wed Jan 16, 2019 3:40 pm
I find the idea of asking to be disciplined easier than asking for aftercare ... especially if the sub is the one who introduced DD.

I mean .. how this conversation will go?
"Hey honey.. I want you to punish me then comfort me afterwards"

It makes sense only in my head.

You talk it out long before it ever needs to happen. You make a rough draft of a plan and you talk about what you think you'll need and he talks about what he thinks is needed.

Then, it happens

Then after everyone has calmed down and the crying has stopped, you talk about it some more. What went right and what went wrong. How each of you feels.

Then again, I'm a big "talk about it" person.

Re: Brand New and Scared Shitless

Posted: Wed Jan 16, 2019 5:30 pm
by Miras
DesertRose wrote:
Wed Jan 16, 2019 3:40 pm
I find the idea of asking to be disciplined easier than asking for aftercare ... especially if the sub is the one who introduced DD.

I mean .. how this conversation will go?
"Hey honey.. I want you to punish me then comfort me afterwards"

It makes sense only in my head.
This might be controversial, but in addition what SurrealSD said, you don´t need it to "plan" it as such. Simply take it as another conversation and after punishment, push him with a little of teary gratefulness and regret. If he is loving person, you two should make it into comfort and that itslef turns into ritual.

Re: Brand New and Scared Shitless

Posted: Wed Jan 16, 2019 8:27 pm
by right now
Yes it is normal to be nervous or to get afraid. The fear level goes down with time. You get more accustomed to the humbling as well as the pain. it is very unfamiliar waters for you so don't be surprised if you feel that way. I hope it works well for both of you.

Re: Brand New and Scared Shitless

Posted: Mon Jan 20, 2020 1:08 pm
by His_sunshine
I feel you on this one.

We are still establishing things in our relationship. He is currently away on business which is giving us time to establish the ground work. But I know as soon as he is home I have a punishment coming. And I am scared! But at the same time I am excited because in my heart and mind I know this is what we both need.

And I feel the more I let the negative feeling about being scared fester the worse it will be. I am focusing on the positivity and closeness I know this will bring us. And I look forward to that.