Brand New and Scared Shitless

darrone
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Re: Brand New and Scared Shitless

Post by darrone » Thu Nov 22, 2018 11:02 am

Mel41 wrote:
Wed Nov 21, 2018 6:33 pm
Thanks everyone for the reassuring words! I am the one who initiated DD, although to my surprise he had been reading about for about a year before I ever brought it up. But the reality is, I'm sure, no where near the fantasy. My anxiety is about a 6/10 at the best of times. Knowing that I have a spanking coming will likely boost that to an 8 and cause me to lose sleep and not eat.
Have you considered using a safe-word to help you through the first punishment? When a wife is apprehensive about how painful her first spanking will be, knowing she can pause proceedings gives comfort and reassurance. It also helps the HoH to judge her level of tolerance.

Mel41
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Re: Brand New and Scared Shitless

Post by Mel41 » Thu Nov 22, 2018 5:48 pm

It's not the pain I am worried about, actually. I know I can handle that. It's more the emotions that scare me. DH and I have never fought. Literally, never. We have always talked everything through before it ever escalated to that point. So I've never had to experience him being upset with me/disappointed/frustrated. that will be a first for us - setting rules and consequences. And that's what I am struggling with - if I'll be able to handle the emotional discomfort, if that makes sense.
🎵 Hit me baby one more time 🎵

In love, and together in life, with Steve41

TrentMontana
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Re: Brand New and Scared Shitless

Post by TrentMontana » Fri Nov 23, 2018 2:33 pm

Normal to be nervous.

Spankings and discipline are better, not worse, for someone who tends to be neurotic (your words) but aftercare is important. Plan ahead of time for how aftercare will go - aftercare, not discussion.

Do talk about how it went, but I recommend to wait 24-48 hours first. Give yourself time to cool off and process the whole experience (including how your focus and self discipline improve after punishment) before you tell him what was helpful or unhelpful from your perspective.

But give him full permission - you gave him a mandate, expect him to use it. Then and only then will you reap benefits - when you know he can and WILL hold you accountable to your mutual goals.

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DesertRose
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Re: Brand New and Scared Shitless

Post by DesertRose » Wed Jan 16, 2019 3:40 pm

I find the idea of asking to be disciplined easier than asking for aftercare ... especially if the sub is the one who introduced DD.

I mean .. how this conversation will go?
"Hey honey.. I want you to punish me then comfort me afterwards"

It makes sense only in my head.
🌸 I want a husband who will love me enough to punish me.
DesertRose

SurrealSD
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Re: Brand New and Scared Shitless

Post by SurrealSD » Wed Jan 16, 2019 4:37 pm

DesertRose wrote:
Wed Jan 16, 2019 3:40 pm
I find the idea of asking to be disciplined easier than asking for aftercare ... especially if the sub is the one who introduced DD.

I mean .. how this conversation will go?
"Hey honey.. I want you to punish me then comfort me afterwards"

It makes sense only in my head.

You talk it out long before it ever needs to happen. You make a rough draft of a plan and you talk about what you think you'll need and he talks about what he thinks is needed.

Then, it happens

Then after everyone has calmed down and the crying has stopped, you talk about it some more. What went right and what went wrong. How each of you feels.

Then again, I'm a big "talk about it" person.
But first, have you tried sitting down with your partner and telling them honestly how you feel?

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Miras
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Re: Brand New and Scared Shitless

Post by Miras » Wed Jan 16, 2019 5:30 pm

DesertRose wrote:
Wed Jan 16, 2019 3:40 pm
I find the idea of asking to be disciplined easier than asking for aftercare ... especially if the sub is the one who introduced DD.

I mean .. how this conversation will go?
"Hey honey.. I want you to punish me then comfort me afterwards"

It makes sense only in my head.
This might be controversial, but in addition what SurrealSD said, you don´t need it to "plan" it as such. Simply take it as another conversation and after punishment, push him with a little of teary gratefulness and regret. If he is loving person, you two should make it into comfort and that itslef turns into ritual.
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Putting DD back into BuDDhism

right now
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Re: Brand New and Scared Shitless

Post by right now » Wed Jan 16, 2019 8:27 pm

Yes it is normal to be nervous or to get afraid. The fear level goes down with time. You get more accustomed to the humbling as well as the pain. it is very unfamiliar waters for you so don't be surprised if you feel that way. I hope it works well for both of you.

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