She just isn’t getting it.

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She just isn’t getting it.

Post by DaddysLittle » Thu Sep 27, 2018 7:40 am

So I realize that in the overall DD community our 4/5 months still makes us newbies to the life style.
We together deceived that this was the paradigm we wanted your marriage to take on.
We read books and did our research, we feel we gave our research its due diligence.
I Daddy am the Dominate and HOH, Little is the submissive and my little.
We took time to research and create a DD Lifestyle contract that we both freely signed that was very specific of what each person was responsible for.
A daily chore list u
Was created for Little to complete daily.
Our issue is Little can not seem to grasp the Dominate / submissive relationship.
Little can not grasp putting her HOH’s needs and desires first.
We did a 4 day boot camp last week that I felt was very successful, 2 days after Little can not grasp the concept of respecting her HOH.
I’m at a loss, she is losing all her privileges and I’m still not getting the results I’m looking for.
Any ideas?

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Re: She just isn’t getting it.

Post by CassLynn » Thu Sep 27, 2018 8:11 am

It takes a long time to grasp and accept and embrace and then learn to perform consistently (stop old habits, make new ones) for submission and respect and putting someone else’s needs first. More than five months. That’s how long we’re into it too. I’m still very much a work in progress. Your consistency in enforcing but at the same time patience will help her the most. It’s a huge change of heart and lifestyle.

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Re: She just isn’t getting it.

Post by Phil04 » Thu Sep 27, 2018 8:28 am

My first question is simply, does she really want this lifestyle, or is she saying yes to please you, or because it is what she should say. If she really wants it, then you have to help her get there. Nobody can flip a switch, and just turn on submission. You as the HoH have to guide her. The mindset of submission is FAR more important than the actions, but far more difficult to achieve.

If she does really want to be submissive, start with just one rule. Something with a very clear, done right or done wrong. Also something that requires some focus though out the day. You are trying to train her to think about submitting to YOUR rule. It can be frivolous, like making her raise her hand above her head when she walks through a door. The goal here is a mindset, not a behavior. Once you get the mindset, the behavior will come. Also, any violation of the rule needs to be punished, and I recommend a quick punishment, (spanking, lines or corner time), as opposed to a loss of privilege, or things that are more drawn out. It is easier to connect the action (or lack thereof) with a consequence if it is more deliberate. Also any improvements should be praised. You are as much trying to encourage the good as discourage the bad.

I wish you and Little the best of luck.


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Re: She just isn’t getting it.

Post by ladyofthehouse » Thu Sep 27, 2018 9:38 am

Wow I feel like a veteran, we have been in DD for 8 Years and still learning. I agree with Phil04 that the submissive's mindset is paramount, if they are not fully embracing it then things will become tedious to them I think.
Maybe try taking a step back and think of it as a journey. Yes your not where you want to be right now but there's no reason you can't get there with time, Rome wasn't built in a day and all that.
Plus enjoy the submissive things she does do, I think we can get so single minded that our lifestyle isn't perfect and that our Tih's aren't where we want them to be that we don't appreciate what we have.

I wish you all the luck.

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Re: She just isn’t getting it.

Post by DaddysLittle » Thu Sep 27, 2018 3:51 pm

Thank you everyone for your insights.
You have given me much to think about.
And to answer the question of Littles commitment to the lifestyle,
She is the one that ask us to start this journey together.
Thank you again,

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Re: She just isn’t getting it.

Post by geeman » Thu Nov 15, 2018 4:57 pm

It boils down to communication - both verbal and visual. I think Phil is right that it could be simply a case of her wanting to please you. That might be disappointing to hear but at the same time, it does say she is thinking of you first.

On the verbal side, one thing my wife and I do is talk, a lot. You have to get into the mindset of your chosen roles and believe in them. That can only happen when you verbally and openly acknowledge the lines of authority in your home/relationship. Every day, Kate will say to me, "who's the boss"? It's a random question, sometimes done seriously, other times jokingly but what is behind it is a re-affirmation of the power structure we've chosen to live by. Common phrases during the week are, "remember your place", "you'll do it exactly as you were told", "do not challenge my authority on this" or positive affirmations like, "I'm very proud of you", "You've made me very pleased", "I appreciate your attention to my instructions".

On the visual side, there is a constant deference shown to her in the home (and when we go out too). Anytime she enters any room in the home, I must stand and acknowledge her. I may not sit again until she gives me the nod. Out to dinner, same thing. I get her chair, I never sit down before her and always stand up if she gets up for any reason. If she puts her hand out, it is because she expects me to kiss it. I am to immediately stop whatever I am doing and have been punished numerous times for failing to do so. It's a little thing but it's very random and it's her way of making sure I know my place.

Lastly, you as the HOH need to be firm. If she is truly 'wanting this' then she will respond very well to your authority - but you have to be consistent. An HOH that slacks and doesn't immediately address situations will lose control. You need to lord over your domain and make it clear who is the authority in the home. I hope any of this helped at all.

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