My HoH's TV dilemma

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sweetie
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Re: My HoH's TV dilemma

Post by sweetie » Mon Jun 04, 2018 4:34 pm

Lavendar wrote:
Mon Jun 04, 2018 1:31 pm
Grief is like a grizzly bear. It never behaves the way it's supposed to. It ends up popping up at the oddest moments, when you least expect it. I've always hated that "stages of grief" theory. You can't wrap grief up in a nice little box and make it follow the stages in order. More often, it cycles back and forth. If you really are having too tough of a time, perhaps there is a support group you can join. I've seen those work for many loved ones. And know that someone across the ocean is praying for you.the

Blessings,
Lavendar
Thank you, Lavendar. I'd prefer not to go into detail in this public forum but I am struggling as I don't think I've grieved properly but I am getting help with it. Your kind words and prayers are much appreciated. Blessings to you, too.
sweetie x
Please inform MrsSweetie, my HoH, if I'm in any way impolite, disrespectful, inapproptiate, or cause any offence

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sweetie
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Re: My HoH's TV dilemma

Post by sweetie » Mon Jun 04, 2018 6:03 pm

Dionysyus wrote:
Mon Jun 04, 2018 4:33 am
Hi Sweetie,
...
Thank you, Dionysyus for your good intentions and time in thinking this through and typing out a long post. It has, unfortunately, taken the wind out of our sails...

I really don't know what else to say other than my posts must have misrepresented our relationship. We are long time married and we are very happy.

You've made a lot of assumptions (not all correct) and from those assumptions you've drawn conclusions without really knowing us. For example, because I mentioned 'photoshoot' you assumed my wife was a model. She is, in fact, a photographer. And a very talented one as well. But it's not her day-job. We both work full-time and we made a joint decision some time ago that I'd do more around the house so that she could focus more time on her photography - she's done weddings and photoshoots at a studio and the amount of time she has to devote to the post-photoshoot work is significant.

I could go on and explain more, but I'll leave it there...
sweetie x
Please inform MrsSweetie, my HoH, if I'm in any way impolite, disrespectful, inapproptiate, or cause any offence

Dionysyus
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Re: My HoH's TV dilemma

Post by Dionysyus » Tue Jun 05, 2018 1:12 am

Hi Sweetie,

Yes of course I am making a lot of assumptions based on limited input. That is a given. I find it interesting, however, that you choose examples of things I got wrong that don’t really have anything to do with the analysis.

Lovely had assumed that your wife was a photographer, not a model, and pointed that out to me. I left my guess in because of how you describe her when you are kneeling at your feet, and because it doesn’t affect the analysis either way. It’s obvious that she is beautiful to you, and photography is a good profession for a narcissist too. That’s what my ex was, a photographer. Their attention to detail and rigid sense of perfectionism makes them good at it. I don’t know if your wife is a narcissist of course, I’m just saying you keep listing off narcissistic qualities when you talk about her.

Also, I did not mean imply in any way that you two just got together or that your relationship was not solid (lovely says I was confusing here). What I was trying to say is that a co-dependent / narcissist relationship, although dysfunctional, is nearly indestructible, so it would make sense you’ve been together for a long while. It’s just if the narcissist is allowed to take over and make it all about them, the codependent does eventually try to break out of it, but it’s never an easy escape.

Now of course maybe you are just describing things poorly. Maybe you are a narcissist and she has never gotten her needs met and you two are just trying to balance things. Maybe you are a not so reluctant masochist and she is doing these things, just to please you. If this case, however, you need to realize how the way you have been describing things is affecting the emotions of the people here.

I have no idea what Clint and Chelsea intended to create here. They seem surprised that people are using this forum at all, and unprepared to deal with the conflicts coming up. Some of the journals have recently stopped because of a pervert who was not instantly dealt with. Others are uncomfortable with what they see in your journal and perhaps another because it is clearly D/s and not DD (and not that D/s is bad at all, just D/s where only one person’s needs are being met turns people off). There is no system in place to deal with this, because the culture here has developed organically. Most of the frequent posters have traded phone numbers and are texting daily. Some are skyping too. There is a lot of background chatter you don’t see.

I sent my post to two other people in the forum before I posted it and lovely chatted on text with another member about what the gist of it was, and they all said post it. Most everyone seems to agree that you two are D/s, not DD, and that makes them uncomfortable. People don’t like to hear about humiliation here. They want to see people built up, not torn down.

Now, just because the people here are not into D/s, that does not mean it’s bad or you two are bad at all. It’s just that it makes them uncomfortable, because they are not D/s. For some, it makes them question what they are doing themselves, and also they feel for you, because you are painting a picture of a very sweet man who is being domestically abused. Again, perhaps that is just your bad writing, but if so, you should be aware you are creating emotional reactions in people and take responsibility for that.

I’m glad the wind is out of your sails, so to speak. I suggest you put things on hold until after the world cup, then go out and join The Community (lovely thinks maybe I should refer to it as “the kink community or something, but really, to those in it, it’s just called “the community”). This board here is just a backwoods of the internet, it’s not going to give you the support you need.

You two want to do what is called “Edge Play”. Humiliation play is edge play. Heavy beatings are edge play. I don’t want to list off any more things that are edge play because I’ve realized that putting such things on this board is just giving bad ideas to novices.

I just went on fetlife to have a look at what’s going on the UK. Keep in mind this board here has something like 10 – 20 active members.

On fetlife in the UK there are
- 669,516 members
- 1,349 upcoming events
- 172 UK specific discussion groups

There is a group that looks right up your ally called “Dominants and Submissive in the United Kingdom” and it has 11,512 members.

Now you might be taken aback a bit and saying “well I’m not kinky” “I’m not into BDSM”, umm, well ya you are, and ya you are, and yes, that’s ok. It’s cool to be kinky.

The kink community has systems in place to welcome people like you. They are sitting there waiting for you to come. They want to welcome you into the fold. They are non-judgmental to the max. You will learn about RACK: “risk aware consensual kink”. You two are looking for alternative punishments and ideas, well there you are doing to find them, but also you are going to find guiding hands (also, photographers are extra hot commodities there).

Lovely and I are into Edge play too, but we have spent years and years in the community attending workshop and learning with others. I used to go to a conference called Edge. It was awesome I thought. Nothing like getting up at 7am on a Saturday to spend the whole day learning crazy kink skills and then top it off in a huge party. However, things still go wrong, and sometimes really wrong. Lovely did scene once that probably took her 6 months to recover from emotionally.

Lovely and I are here because we have kids now and we’re trying to switch to a traditional lifestyle. We’re enjoying conversations about virtue with the CDD types. Of course, CDD people are on fetlife too. The group “Christian Domestic Discipline” has 1,236 members, and “Catholic Christian Domestic Discipline” has 230 members, but we have found the level of discussion here lately to be high, and lovely’s making some real connections with people.

I highly suggest you two go to a munch (a casual get together, usually at a restaurant, where kinky people meet, normal clothes, no play, no weirdness, just talk). Find the city you live in on Fetlife and you will see them listed under events. Meet people in person. Don’t be shy, they want you to join them. There is strength in numbers. You will find couples in exactly the same situation as you that you can exchange ideas and experiences with.

Just because you go to fetlife, doesn’t mean you need to leave here. People here seem to like you and we’re starting to see why you are called Sweetie. However, if you want to fit in with these people here, then I suggest strongly that you balance your journal so at least half of the time we hear about how your HoH is pushing you to meet your own self-identified objectives that help you meet your needs, not just hers.

Notice in your response here you say you are doing more housework, so she can do more photography. That’s ok, but again, you aren’t explaining how that helps you at all. It just seems like it’s all about her. Is your career topped out and you two are trying to save for something big and this is the best plan you two could come up with so she’s out there slaving away at weddings to make it happen? If so, then let people hear that. Then they’d be cheering you two on.

Obviously, I can’t speak for everyone here, but I do get the sense that this is a friendly group of people who genuinely care about each other’s well being and they wish you well. It’s just as things have currently been presented, your relationship is causing concern and discomfort to at least of the members.

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Re: My HoH's TV dilemma

Post by sweetie » Tue Jun 05, 2018 2:28 am

Dionysyus wrote:
Tue Jun 05, 2018 1:12 am
I have no idea what Clint and Chelsea intended to create here. They seem surprised that people are using this forum at all, and unprepared to deal with the conflicts coming up. Some of the journals have recently stopped because of a pervert who was not instantly dealt with. Others are uncomfortable with what they see in your journal and perhaps another because it is clearly D/s and not DD (and not that D/s is bad at all, just D/s where only one person’s needs are being met turns people off). There is no system in place to deal with this, because the culture here has developed organically. Most of the frequent posters have traded phone numbers and are texting daily. Some are skyping too. There is a lot of background chatter you don’t see.

I sent my post to two other people in the forum before I posted it and lovely chatted on text with another member about what the gist of it was, and they all said post it. Most everyone seems to agree that you two are D/s, not DD, and that makes them uncomfortable. People don’t like to hear about humiliation here. They want to see people built up, not torn down.

Obviously, I can’t speak for everyone here, but I do get the sense that this is a friendly group of people who genuinely care about each other’s well being and they wish you well. It’s just as things have currently been presented, your relationship is causing concern and discomfort to at least of the members.
Apologies to anybody we've caused concern to. We will be leaving this Forum. For future reference a 'less is more' approach would probably be more effective (unless your intention was to force us away). Your original post was too long, too detailed, and overwhelmed us in a way that meant all we could take from it was that you were analysing us from a far and making judgements about us and our relationship. We genuinely came to this Forum to learn.

Apologies again.

Goodbye.

P.S. I have used the 'Contact us' to request my profile be deleted.
sweetie x
Please inform MrsSweetie, my HoH, if I'm in any way impolite, disrespectful, inapproptiate, or cause any offence

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Re: My HoH's TV dilemma

Post by Kerry » Wed Jun 06, 2018 12:42 am

Sweetie, I’m not sure what happened. But I hope you are happy. That’s what I want for every person. I hope you and your wife can give each other everything both of you desire.
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Re: My HoH's TV dilemma

Post by Clint » Wed Jun 06, 2018 2:13 pm

Dionysyus wrote:
Tue Jun 05, 2018 1:12 am
Hi Sweetie,

[...]

I have no idea what Clint and Chelsea intended to create here. They seem surprised that people are using this forum at all, and unprepared to deal with the conflicts coming up. Some of the journals have recently stopped because of a pervert who was not instantly dealt with. Others are uncomfortable with what they see in your journal and perhaps another because it is clearly D/s and not DD (and not that D/s is bad at all, just D/s where only one person’s needs are being met turns people off). There is no system in place to deal with this, because the culture here has developed organically. Most of the frequent posters have traded phone numbers and are texting daily. Some are skyping too. There is a lot of background chatter you don’t see.
[...]

Hi Dionysyus

Sorry but we've got kids and we can't be online 24/7. Chels and I took down the blog 3 years ago for similar reasons. We got it back online because it actually helps people and so does the forum. We won't be excessively moderating here (nor do we have the time).

We'd support a few moderators, by the way - if anyone is interested in this.

I know that not everyone lives DD as we describe it. Some live it differently. That's ok. If posters trade numbers and text each other, that's ok, too. I don't want to have a monopoly on your communication, either.

The forum is supposed to be a platform where everyone can learn. So far, I believe it fulfills its purpose.
Finally, if you want to report a post, please use the report function and we'll look into it.

For more than a year this forum was smooth sailing ... let's keep it like that :mrgreen:
Clint from Domestic-Discipline.net
How do you like the web site ? If you have any ideas or wishes for future posts, don't hold back!

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Re: My HoH's TV dilemma

Post by sweetie » Fri Jun 15, 2018 4:59 pm

Kerry wrote:
Wed Jun 06, 2018 12:42 am
Sweetie, I’m not sure what happened. But I hope you are happy. That’s what I want for every person. I hope you and your wife can give each other everything both of you desire.
Thanks, Kerry.

Although I used the 'Contact us' to request my profile be deleted that hasn't happened and I've now sent another message requesting that the previous message is ignored. So I'm still here, but I think we'll be taking things slowly.

There was a very long post in this thread that really knocked my HoH and me for six and shook our confidence. My HoH essentially said, "let's just forget it and go back to how we were before". She's calmed down somewhat now, and we're talking about things again, but my wife doesn't seem to have any DD motivation right now...
sweetie x
Please inform MrsSweetie, my HoH, if I'm in any way impolite, disrespectful, inapproptiate, or cause any offence

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Re: My HoH's TV dilemma

Post by Kerry » Fri Jun 15, 2018 11:49 pm

I’m happy you are back:). I just want you to be happy. It’s a little radical here on the site right now. Someone on here once told me he thought Brian should rethink our engagement. That was rough too. Message me any time:)
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Re: My HoH's TV dilemma

Post by CassLynn » Sat Jun 16, 2018 12:34 am

Nice to hear from you sweetie. I hope you get things sorted out.

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Re: My HoH's TV dilemma

Post by sweetie » Sat Jun 16, 2018 4:24 am

Kerry wrote:
Fri Jun 15, 2018 11:49 pm
I’m happy you are back:). I just want you to be happy. It’s a little radical here on the site right now. Someone on here once told me he thought Brian should rethink our engagement. That was rough too. Message me any time:)
Thanks, Kerry. Yes, this was rough for us too and my HoH has completely lost interest. I don't think she's totally against DD but she's definitely got no motivation for it at the moment.
sweetie x
Please inform MrsSweetie, my HoH, if I'm in any way impolite, disrespectful, inapproptiate, or cause any offence

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