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Clothing during spanking?

Posted: Mon Dec 27, 2021 1:21 am
by suzequeue
Hello ladies (or HOHs feel free to chime in, too). , I am seeking some advice here (if this is not the right space please let me know). Since I posted my initial greeting several months ago, I have begun a relationship with a widower who had been in a DD relationship with his former wife for many years. So I was willing, he was experienced, win/win, right? We hit it off right away and have gotten fairly serious, but it is still early days for us so we haven't really begun any types of discipline yet--just discussions of what a future home together would look like.

Well, I did something terrible the other day. He was really busy with some work things going on, so I offered to stop by the pharmacy and pick up his prescription medications for him to help him out. He thanked me profusely and said it would be a big help and please don't forget. Well, I got busy wrapping presents and making Christmas cookies and I completely forgot all about it until the pharmacy was closed. He came by my house to get his meds and that was when I realized what I had done. This is not an optional medication; his health would be seriously endangered without it. I was just sick that I had not only let him down but also endangered him. We had to scramble around--there was a 24 hour pharmacy but an hour drive away--it would involve a call to the doctor, etc. etc--just a complete hassle. Fortunately he remembered his cousin took the same sort of meds and was able to borrow some until he would be able to get his own the next day. It was a lot of grief and hassle, he was upset, I was upset. I could tell he was still upset with me a couple of days later, and he always talks about how a spanking is like pushing the reset button and starting again with a clean slate. Finally I asked him how we could get past this and he said if we were married he knows how but we're not there yet. I told him I felt horrible, I could have put his life in danger, and if he felt I should be punished that I was willing to accept that from him now. He said he would think about it. The next day I got a text from him that just said, "I want to do it. Be ready this coming weekend."

Be careful what you wish for, right? So now I am a basket case. I had asked lots of questions of him before about DD, what a punishment consisted of, etc. He once told me that his wife was always nude for her punishments, and she kneeled in front of him like that until he was ready. He said it humbled her and put her in the right frame of mind for her punishment. (I think she was a bit of an exhibitionist and actually liked doing this, but I am not!) And he is a bit of a safety freak and has said he would only ever did it with her nude for safety reasons/monitoring skin, etc. I am so very modest that I am just mortified at the thought. And the old bod is definitely not the firm picture of health it was in my 20s! More wobbly bits now. Ugh. I am so afraid he is going to ask me to do this. I have read and understand the symbolism of surrendering to his authority fully unclothed, the power dynamic it creates, etc. But understanding it and doing it are two different things! I want to show him my willingness to completely submit to him, so I don't want to start off at the first request by complaining or saying "no" to whatever he asks. And I do trust him completely to have my best interests at heart--he has demonstrated that to me already repeatedly. But I am soooo embarrassed at the thought of doing this naked. It just seems so vulnerable. I am really conflicted--should I just hope he won't ask? Is this a conversation I should have with him before the weekend? Should I just wait and see and ask to keep my clothes on if he does ask? Or should I submit to him and do what he asks, even though I will be terribly embarrassed?? Do any of you have any advice for me? I am nervous as all get out, even though this is what I said I wanted. Honestly I am not as bothered by the spanking part as I am by the nude part. Thank you very much for any advice.

Re: Clothing during spanking?

Posted: Mon Dec 27, 2021 11:00 am
by Jacob HF
Suze,

First, congratulations on finding someone.

Before I begin I want to say that this post is my opinion only and I don't want to even accidentally put down any different opinions.

So, the basic principle of my reply is that healthy DD is always based on communication and trust and always requires consent. Now you broke your promise and in a dangerous situation which is certainly serious grounds for some kind of consequence. But, there is also the matter of consent. You need not only consent to being punished but also to the manner of punishment.

Lacking, for the moment, any kind of DD agreement your Boe is literally limited to punishing you only when and how you want to be punished. It doesn't matter how deserving it may be.

I want to emphasize that we here will always help you and answer whatever we can without judgment and do our best to advise and counsel you. And yet, my advice is that you need to send a very similar message to him.

If you have a moral objection to being naked for him without a ring then you need to make that decision and tell him so. However, if your objection is not moral then you need to decide what your limits are and communicate those.

I wouldn't worry about how your backside looks. Frankly, nobody expects a 57-year-old behind to look like a 27-year-old one. Your decision has more to do with your comfort level and your trust level.

Either way, you need to share your concerns with him. "Hop[ing] he won't ask" is absolutely not what you should do. If you don't trust him enough to tell him how you really feel about it then you don't trust him enough to come at your backside and you should call it off. I mean, you just posted it on a publicly accessible forum, you should be able to share it with him.

My hope for you is that you share your feelings about it with him and that the two of you come to some kind of resolution to this incident.

There are reasonable and effective punishments that don't involve nudity or even spankings.

For example, something that may be particularly appropriate (if it is safe) would be being required to walk to the same pharmacy and collect a dozen of his beverage of choice (or some other mildly heavy or inconvenient to carry item) and carry it home. Unless you are in very good shape or live really close I guarantee that that would make you think twice before forgetting to collect medication again.

That is just something I came up with on the spot. Likely he can come up with something that is within your limits, but only if he knows what they are.

--Jacob

Re: Clothing during spanking?

Posted: Mon Dec 27, 2021 2:25 pm
by Summer
I agree with Jacob. You need to communicate with your partner and before the event. Tell him the parameters you’re willing to submit to a spanking (or other punishment) within. He’s likely also nervous about it and may feel more confident knowing you’ve thought about it and have things to say about it. Many DD couples have written contracts on what is and isn’t acceptable. You don’t have that. So making parameters clear is helpful for both partners. Maybe you keep a light layer on so you’re not nude but it offers little protection from the swats. Or, as Jacob mentioned, maybe you two come up with an alternative consequence. Talk to him. 😊

Re: Clothing during spanking?

Posted: Mon Dec 27, 2021 5:08 pm
by Jacob HF
Summer wrote:
Mon Dec 27, 2021 2:25 pm
He’s likely also nervous about it and may feel more confident knowing you’ve thought about it and have things to say about it.
That is a really good point that I didn't think of. I concur completely.

--Jacob

Re: Clothing during spanking?

Posted: Mon Dec 27, 2021 5:24 pm
by suzequeue
Thank you guys so much for your thoughtful responses. We have already ironed out quite a few details of how things will go prior to this. I phoned him and asked for another discussion before anything took place. I prefer to do it face to face rather than on the phone, so we are going to do some written agreements before anything happens this weekend. I think my confusion stems from the idea of “submitting” and how much say I have in this process. But Jacob really made me think about the idea of consent. Thanks again!

Re: Clothing during spanking?

Posted: Mon Dec 27, 2021 5:38 pm
by Jacob HF
Good Luch Suze,

If you are comfortable with it, we would love to know how it gets worked out.

--Jacob

Re: Clothing during spanking?

Posted: Tue Dec 28, 2021 5:45 pm
by Messire2
Hello! It's only my opinion.
Don't do anything you don't want. He can bare your bottom to spank you, it's good enough to see what he's doing. You don't have yo be completely nude to receive a punishment on the bum.

Re: Clothing during spanking?

Posted: Tue Jan 04, 2022 12:13 pm
by suzequeue
Thank you guys for your advice. I took your advice and we did discuss some parameters before engaging in our first journey into DD. There was some give and take on both parts and I received my first punishment spanking. I don't wish to publicly share details but I will just say that the experienced TIHs are right, and afterwards you do feel very cleansed like now you have paid for your wrongs and the slate is wiped clean and you can move forward without any grudges being held. Or nagging guilt eating at you! I am also amazed at how humbled and submissive I felt during this experience and still afterwards. I can see how DD is going to be effective for us in not holding onto resentment and opening lines of communication. I think he was testing me the next day when he asked me to do something for him, and you can believe my sore rear end was a constant reminder to get it done and not forget. Maybe it is not for everyone but I feel like it is going to be effective for our relationship. Thank you again,

Re: Clothing during spanking?

Posted: Tue Jan 04, 2022 1:56 pm
by Summer
Glad to hear things worked well for you two 😊