Reflections on DD as a way of life

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Axel
Posts: 138
Joined: Wed Dec 09, 2020 4:12 pm
Location: Sweden

Reflections on DD as a way of life

Post by Axel » Sat Mar 27, 2021 6:01 am

I’ve been a member for almost four months now. And I’m grateful for all of your contributions on this site!
It has really made me much more aware of the depth and width of our particular choice of living.

Two observations that I’d like to hear your views and thought on:

First, by giving a wife rules – and enforcing them – isn’t that also a way to increase the attention on her?
I know few, if any, wives, outside the DD-paradigm, that has so attentive husbands!

In his classical book “The Ideal Marriage” , van der Velde writes something like: The worst way of treating a wife is not physical abuse – it’s neglect! To ignore her…

What do you, the wives, think of that if you compare yourself to your non-DD friends?

Then a second reflection, of another nature: Forgiveness.
How do we ensure that our ways, as HoH:s, of punishing our TiH:s, leads to forgiveness?
I mean – that she or he feels forgiven, loved and rebooted afterwards?

Sometimes a spanking – even when it’s well deserved – can leave the TiH even more devastated than before the punishment. How can we make sure the spanking leads to atonement? A deep feeling of being forgiven, that all is fine?

Another wise man, not van der Velde though, once said that corner time and spankings should transform shame into guilt. And you can be liberated from guilt.

Jacob HF
Posts: 246
Joined: Sun Jul 19, 2020 10:53 am
Location: Sacramento, CA
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Re: Reflections on DD as a way of life

Post by Jacob HF » Sat Aug 14, 2021 8:51 pm

Axel wrote:
Sat Mar 27, 2021 6:01 am
First, by giving a wife rules – and enforcing them – isn’t that also a way to increase the attention on her?
I know few, if any, wives, outside the DD-paradigm, that has so attentive husbands!
Yes.

Then a second reflection, of another nature: Forgiveness.
How do we ensure that our ways, as HoH:s, of punishing our TiH:s, leads to forgiveness?
I mean – that she or he feels forgiven, loved and rebooted afterwards?

Discipline is an act of teaching. It should always have as its goal restoration and honor for all involved. It should always lift up and never put down. It should be part of a lifestyle of lifting up for both marriage partners.
Axel wrote:
Sat Mar 27, 2021 6:01 am
Sometimes a spanking – even when it’s well deserved – can leave the TiH even more devastated than before the punishment. How can we make sure the spanking leads to atonement? A deep feeling of being forgiven, that all is fine?
We can't be 100% sure. But honesty, trust, communication, and honor go a long way.

One thing to note is that forgiveness is one way (from the offended to the offender) but atonement and restoration must go both ways.

--Jacob

Summer
Posts: 285
Joined: Wed Apr 28, 2021 3:29 pm
Location: Missouri

Re: Reflections on DD as a way of life

Post by Summer » Sun Aug 15, 2021 1:18 am

Jacob HF wrote:
Sat Aug 14, 2021 8:51 pm
Axel wrote:
Sat Mar 27, 2021 6:01 am
First, by giving a wife rules – and enforcing them – isn’t that also a way to increase the attention on her?
I know few, if any, wives, outside the DD-paradigm, that has so attentive husbands!
Yes.

Then a second reflection, of another nature: Forgiveness.
How do we ensure that our ways, as HoH:s, of punishing our TiH:s, leads to forgiveness?
I mean – that she or he feels forgiven, loved and rebooted afterwards?

Discipline is an act of teaching. It should always have as its goal restoration and honor for all involved. It should always lift up and never put down. It should be part of a lifestyle of lifting up for both marriage partners.
Axel wrote:
Sat Mar 27, 2021 6:01 am
Sometimes a spanking – even when it’s well deserved – can leave the TiH even more devastated than before the punishment. How can we make sure the spanking leads to atonement? A deep feeling of being forgiven, that all is fine?
We can't be 100% sure. But honesty, trust, communication, and honor go a long way.

One thing to note is that forgiveness is one way (from the offended to the offender) but atonement and restoration must go both ways.

--Jacob
I loved this. A great read.

oldfashionedwife
Posts: 39
Joined: Mon Jun 17, 2019 8:06 pm

Re: Reflections on DD as a way of life

Post by oldfashionedwife » Sun Aug 15, 2021 1:43 pm

I think there is an increased bond between spouses in this kind of relationship. The other wives I know are so busy being independent , so set against their husbands telling them anything that might resemble control that they end up living seperate lives even though they are living in the same house.
My husband and I were of different minds about me feeling forgiven after discipline. He was a hard and fast spanker and once it was over it was over. End of story. Sometimes that was ok...but if I was feeling particularly guilty I would prefer a longer spanking. In 3 stages...A lighter spanking and talking over why it was happening, the actual punishent spanking and then another lighter spanking and going over everything, why it was necessary, why I am forgiven, how much I am loved...This only happened a few times and only because I asked and he agreed.

Dea
Posts: 63
Joined: Fri Jun 11, 2021 7:00 am

Re: Reflections on DD as a way of life

Post by Dea » Sun Aug 15, 2021 2:01 pm

oldfashionedwife wrote:
Sun Aug 15, 2021 1:43 pm
I think there is an increased bond between spouses in this kind of relationship. The other wives I know are so busy being independent , so set against their husbands telling them anything that might resemble control that they end up living seperate lives even though they are living in the same house.
Sometimes that was ok...but if I was feeling particularly guilty I would prefer a longer spanking. In 3 stages...A lighter spanking and talking over why it was happening, the actual punishent spanking and then another lighter spanking and going over everything, why it was necessary, why I am forgiven, how much I am loved.
You are so right oldfashionedwife.
Like how you described the 3 stages.

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