Re: I want to implement DD, a letter to my husband...
Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2020 5:50 pm
MrX wrote: ↑Tue Nov 17, 2020 5:28 pmVernAKmiss wrote: ↑Tue Nov 17, 2020 4:11 pm
That's a great one - not only does it address something that he's already shown a willingness to correct you on, it also is a situation where he's acting on behalf of someone else (eg. protecting the kids from your attitude), which may make him more open to holding you accountable.
Here's a way that I've created some structure for my wife on this exact same issue (attitude towards the kids) that may be helpful. We came up with a traffic-light system (green, yellow, red).
Every day my wife starts on Green. If she has a bad attitude with the kids, she moves to yellow. I can put her on yellow or she can put herself on yellow. And if that bad attitude continues, she moves to red (again, I can put her on red, or she can "tattle" on herself and put herself on red). We track where she is at via text message - nothing fancy, just an emoji,.
At the end of the day if she is on yellow, she gets some sort of warning consequence - perhaps writing lines and an early bedtime. If she is on red, she gets spanked.
The nice thing about this structure is that I am not always the bad guy. It's just as common for her to put herself on yellow or red than it is for me to do it (after all, I'm not at home during the weekday with the kids like she is). That might be something that makes this less overwhelming or scary for your husband.
I agree with the thinking behind it for sure!! I’m hoping he will be willing to move forward with just this area for now. I’m hoping we can talk tonight some. I’m actually pleasantly surprised with how well he’s taken to this role.
I also love love love the system you have with your wife with the colors. I agree I would have to ‘tell on myself’ most times. Which would be so simple with a color emoji text. And having it be so simple: I like it. I too am with our four kids all day. We homeschool and have busy lives and he rarely sees me ‘at my worst’. There are definitely days though where I’m like wow... I’m way out of line. I wish my husband would step in and give me a spanking and make me much less likely to do this again. Also with moving to Yellow would be like a second chance to get my act together.
I really appreciate your detailed ideas and responses. Especially being so new trying to navigate entering this lifestyle intentionally yet carefully has been an interesting balance. I’m hoping to talk to him tonight or tomorrow and I’ll post an update!!