I want to implement DD, a letter to my husband...

VernAKmiss
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Re: I want to implement DD, a letter to my husband...

Post by VernAKmiss » Mon Nov 09, 2020 12:47 pm

Yes! I am too. I already thanked him and we talked even more later in the evening. He’s like if you just need me to spank you every day or every week or whatever I can do that. I just don’t know about all the rules and such. I said well let’s just start here and see what happens. I mentioned my grumpy mood the other night when I stormed off to go shower and that would have been a perfect opportunity for him to follow me in there and spank me before I showered and I probably would have snapped out of the grumpy mood more quickly. I just notice my mood after is so much happier and clearer and willing to be productive and motivated. He even went online and ordered a small paddle with holes, he also pulled out his belt in the bedroom and pulled down my pants and made me bend over and grab my ankles for a couple ‘test it out’ swats with that later. It hurt a lot and it’s HARD to stay in that position especially with an already sore backside. I’m so very thankful that he’s willing to take baby steps into this and that I just really need to work on communication with him and be clear and open and not expect him to read my mind. I’m thinking once we do quite a bit more practice spankings he will gain confidence and be way more comfortable taking the lead and allowing some rules/goals to be added. I’m super happy this morning even with a sore bruised bottom. ♥️

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DesertRose
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Re: I want to implement DD, a letter to my husband...

Post by DesertRose » Mon Nov 09, 2020 6:40 pm

I'm so happy for you.

It seems though that your husband sees only the spanking part of it, while DD is not all about spanking. Actually, it can be well established without it. Spanking is not the goal, but a mean to reach the goal.

I'd suggest that you set one rule that you feel important and let him hold you accountable for it. Just one. It's like a warm up for the lifestyle. Bit by bit he will feel comfortable to add more rules when he sees results.
🌸 I want a husband who will love me enough to punish me.
DesertRose

VernAKmiss
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Re: I want to implement DD, a letter to my husband...

Post by VernAKmiss » Mon Nov 09, 2020 11:51 pm

DesertRose wrote:
Mon Nov 09, 2020 6:40 pm
I'm so happy for you.

It seems though that your husband sees only the spanking part of it, while DD is not all about spanking. Actually, it can be well established without it. Spanking is not the goal, but a mean to reach the goal.

I'd suggest that you set one rule that you feel important and let him hold you accountable for it. Just one. It's like a warm up for the lifestyle. Bit by bit he will feel comfortable to add more rules when he sees results.

I agree. I would ideally love to add in rules and a bit more structure to it but for now I’m taking what I can get. And I think it’s a great start for him to just get comfortable in the spanking realm and taking on a more dominant position during that. And once that becomes comfortable for him it *should* be easier to use spanking as a way to enforce rules. I’m keeping track of my sugar intake, Bible study times and my attitude towards the kids on an app called habit hub and I told him about it as a way to look back at how well I’ve done in certain areas.

VernAKmiss
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Re: I want to implement DD, a letter to my husband...

Post by VernAKmiss » Wed Nov 11, 2020 1:35 pm

I suppose I better be careful with what I’ve wished for. Last night after getting kids to bed I was in the bathroom at the sink and he comes in with a plug. He tells me to put it in and then he takes off all of my clothes. I asked him what we are doing and he said you wanted me to practice. So we’re going to practice. He had his belt, this flat large wooden spoon from the kitchen and this little leather heart strap that we’ve never really used before. He pulled me over his lap sitting on the bed and started with his hand. He was asking questions about how high is too high to spank and too low. (I made the terrible mistake of telling him that you can spank down the thighs safely!) He then got up and laid me over the bed and started in with the different implements. He liked the belt for right below the cheeks and the wooden spoon for cheeks. I was actually very proud of him and at one point he even said I think I want to go a little harder for a couple but I don’t want to hurt you too bad. I told him he could. My butt was already on fire so a few extra hard smacks definitely made me wiggly. Honestly I think he’s enjoying this freedom way more than I thought he would. I also have to say he looked damn sexy with a belt in his hand. I will let him continue to lead as
Far as initiation of a spanking and then over the next few weeks bring in the ideas of keeping some rules so I have good reason to be spanked. Or at least making some rules part of the maintenance spanking as reminders. I am willing to keep track of rule breaks and we can go over them before. I just don’t want to be spanked for no good reason. You know??

Olivia
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Re: I want to implement DD, a letter to my husband...

Post by Olivia » Sat Nov 14, 2020 11:42 am

I'm glad to hear that he's becoming more comfortable!

Joshua89
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Re: I want to implement DD, a letter to my husband...

Post by Joshua89 » Sun Nov 15, 2020 10:09 pm

VernAKmiss wrote:
Mon Nov 02, 2020 5:31 pm
I’m going to give a bit of an intro here... I have always been interested in Spanking in a sexual way and have always imagined the punishment side of things but never really knew what it was that I was looking for until recently I discovered DD and I want it so badly to be more than ‘fun spanking’. I crave structure. My husband to have more say in the household and accountability. I have recently come out to my husband that I want to begin implementing DD into our relationship. He was hesitant but is open to the idea. He struggled with the idea of actually hurting me and the fact that he knows I enjoy spanking sexually so how would that be a punishment? He spanked me for the first time last week with his hand and the bath brush that I bought and it left bruising and it felt so right. It wasn’t for anything specific, we haven’t made rules or goals at all, it was mainly just to try it out. I was very proud of him for being willing to use something besides his hand. I’m trying to tread lightly not to overwhelm him but I also want to help educate him on the potential benefits to come for both is us. I’m working on writing this out to teach him mostly so he can make educated conversation with me and we can agree on a game plan going forward. Do any of you have suggestions to an apprehensive HOH and a newbie submissive wife??? We’ve been married 10 years, have 4 kids and one on the way.

The letter to my husband: it’s still in editing and he just left to be out of town for a few days so I want to send it to him in the next day or two. Suggestions greatly appreciated. I wanted to provide examples to provide a bit of structure as he’s not a very creative person but I don’t want him to think they are exact expectations either as I know that as we go and experience this more he will get more comfortable and creative.
:arrow:
So I realize going into the realm of Domestic Discipline seems really odd and unnatural to you along with the feelings that you are hurting me which every bone in your loving and caring body goes against... so I wanted to write this out in more detail so you have the opportunity to read about where I’m wanting to (eventually/maybe) go with this and you can make a more informed decision. We can absolutely take things slow and ease into any of it you are comfortable with. I do not want to push you, I want this to be fun, and a supplement to our already outstanding marriage. I also realize that this is a big commitment on your end and you may feel like it is a huge responsibility to keep track of my “wrong doings” and then take time and effort away from other things you could be doing to spank me and work on this area of our lives. It does require your effort and commitment and willingness to step into this role. I don’t wish that you become the micromanager of my life but more of an accountability partner for the things we agree that I work on. I will do my best to make it as easy on you as possible and we can definitely just start with one or two things from the list below and add to it over time or even do it for a trial period of time and see how it feels for both of us. It hasn’t been easy expressing my desire for this lifestyle to you fully but my need for this is to be a part of my life is to ultimately be an even better version of myself, to have the up most respect for you as my husband, the leader and the head of our household and to bring us closer than ever before. I love the traditional roles we play in our household and I am so thankful that with you I am able to be home, raising and teaching our kids, cooking our meals and caring for the household chores and other things. I’m so grateful for all you do to provide for us financially so that we all have everything we need. It felt so amazing to be spanked more severely than ever before the other night with the bath brush, I may have been saying ow in the moment, but the after effect for now 3 days later is still there and I absolutely love the reminder of it. The gentle pat or pinch or smack with the towel in front of company on my bruised bottom reminded me that I am yours. I love you so much and I can’t even begin to imagine this life without you. Below I made a list of my own rules/goals that I want to work on, definitely not all at the same time but just some I’ve had in my mind for awhile and I’ve added to it as I’ve thought of things. These would need to be discussed in detail and I would want your perspective on them and to hear of anything you would like me to work on as well. I want to be a wife who is loving and caring and respects her husband in every way.


Rules/ Goals:
🖤Absolutely no porn, at all. This is something I really want to stop. It seems to come and go for me and I know it is wrong and I shouldn’t do it. I also want you to be my source of pleasure, not some acted video online.
🖤Not loosing my cool with the kids.
🖤Limiting sweets to once or twice on weekends only or pre approved special events.
🖤No hanging up when frustrated on the phone with you.
🖤Being respectful to you as your wife and not talking down to, disregarding or second guessing you. Expressing my differing opinion about something in a respectful way.
🖤Having a positive attitude and keeping grumpy and snippy moods in check.
🖤Keeping up on daily household tasks I set for myself to get done or completing things you request. (Ex. Please get our room cleaned up or the car cleaned out or the shoes picked up today or this week or whatever time frame you request and other home related chores.)
🖤Setting time limits on apps and not overriding them to keep me off my phone and more engaged with my kids and family. No/limited phone during school time with kids.
🖤Confess immediately to you any broken rule or missed goal.
🖤 Always ask permission to orgasm. No matter the circumstances.
🖤phone off at 11:30, get better sleep.
🖤Bible Study/reflection/prayer more regularly
🖤Stay within budget, no overdraft transfer fees.

Punishment spanking
Would be an as immediate as possible spanking for breaking a specific rule/goal and the most severe. (Ideally that evening or a quick trip up to the bathroom when the kids are around.) It would need be completely nonsexual for either of us. You would remain clothed and I would at least have a bare bottom, but I could be completely naked or partially dressed, your choice. You need to be able to see what the effects are on my skin at least. Would always begin with a reminder of why we are in this position, you can have me sit on the floor in front of you, stand in front of you or over your lap before the spanking begins. You can simply just ask me ‘why am I doing this?’ And let me explain my wrong doings to your liking asking me questions as needed. I would like to be required to respond with ‘Yes Sir’ in all spanking situations when needed. Then starting with a hand spanking to warm up my skin preferably over your knee for 3-5 minutes until the skin is warm to the touch. Then it is up to you to get creative as to what comes next or we could have a set of consequences/protocol already lined out. We could have the list of rules and the punishment that goes with breaking them. A ‘warm up’ will always be assumed before the actual punishment. Unless it’s something that you decide isn’t necessary and we need to be very quick, like a run up to the bathroom, lean me over the sink, you pull down my undies and pants and you give me 5 swats with the bath brush on each side quickly and firmly and pull up my pants and off we go with a quick verbal reminder of why that happened. (thinking about you doing that to me right before we leave the house to go somewhere maybe as a reminder to make healthy choices or have a positive attitude.😱)

For example (not necessarily what we would choose to use but just so you get what I mean) we would discuss a couple of rules/goals to start out and determine a punishment that goes with it and as you get more comfortable you will be able to switch things up and determine if I need more or longer or whatever.

Lying: 20 swats with the bath brush, bent over the couch
Being Disrespectful: 15 swats with the belt laying across the bed
Loosing my cool with the kids: 5 minutes with a wooden hair brush over your knee
Eating more sweet treats than agreed upon: 3 min with the hair brush, corner time, & 15 with the belt
Etc.... there could also be things that come into play like moving too much from the position I’m meant to stay in. Could result in the punishment starting over, being plugged or additional swats with another implement. You can also take time to have me stand in the corner or against the wall with my hands on my head or behind my back to await further punishment. Like after the warm up while you are determining what will come next or between implements or position changes. This would also be the opportunity (as an additional punishment) for me to not be allowed to cum that evening at all. (This is where the, yes I may be turned on afterwards part comes in to play, but I don’t get the reward.) And after you are satisfied with the punishment a time of aftercare would happen (where you sit with me, hold me, tell me you love me, we talk through what happened, I apologize for what I’ve done and you rub my back or apply lotion to my bottom.


Maintenance spanking
Is a spanking that happens on a regularly agreed on one day/week or every other week or however we decide fits our schedule and is less severe than a punishment spanking. (I feel with just starting out on this journey weekly would be better to get more practice and learn more with it. Also to have set expectations for both of us. “It’s Thursday night, we both know what that means.” I would like to think that if this is something you’re interested in moving forward with we could discuss rules/goals and begin a maintenance spanking schedule and hold off on punishment spankings until we are both comfortable) Similar to a punishment spanking but is allowed to end in pleasure for both of us but with the spanking session being first and separate from the sexual part. These type of spankings are also helpful in relieving my stress and really the structure I crave in anticipation of ‘Thursday night’. The conversation before would encompass reviewing all of the rules/goals and talking about any areas of struggle, areas of success or modifications to the rules that need to be made, anything added or removed could be done then. We could write a list and keep it in a special journal or something. A time of conversation for both of us to have input and discussion on how things are going. Then the spanking would begin. Again I believe starting with a hand spanking over the knee as a warm up is best practice. And with a bare bottom at least and can progress to complete naked or just start that way, whatever you decide. During this spanking it would be a good time to test new implements, positions and limits and allow safe words or ask for my color rating if you are feeling unsure about how much more I can take while we are both still learning.
💚Green/ meaning I’m okay, keep going with intensity and length. Good to go.
💛Yellow/ getting close to limit... decrease or slow strength/speed. Slow it down a bit but keep going.
❤️Red/ STOP. Stop all and everything immediately. (Red should not be a goal for you to reach and hopefully should never need to be used.)

So with a maintenance spanking you may mention a few things about what you have witnessed over the past week or bring up things I mention in our conversation before hand and say like I noticed you’ve had a much more positive attitude towards the kids. Or you have been on your phone way more than you need to be. Reassuring me of the good things I do but also being firm and reminding me of the things I have agreed to work on. Like I know it’s hard when the house is full of Halloween candy but I’m going to remind you to leave it alone this week. Etc... then you proceed with the spanking. This would be a good time to play with different positions, we can discuss after what we liked and didn’t like, taking note of things I didn’t like to use during punishment spankings . Bent over the couch arm in our room, hands on the end table with back flat and legs apart, on the bed on my knees legs apart bent forward laying on my chest, you sitting on the bed me laying over your lap, standing with my hands against the wall or kneeling on the seat of the recliner with my arms on the back, laying on my back on the bed with my legs up and holding them towards my face with my hands, on all fours on the bed or floor. Lots of options here. And using different implements... I would be open to testing them all, wooden or plastic hair brush, ruler or yard stick, a belt, paddle, wooden spoon, leather strap, crop, that bamboo stick that is in the garage would certainly be a quick and effective punishment option. Always starting slow and building up intensity with a new implement to learn my reactions to them. This is also where you could use plugs or pussy spanking or corner time at your discretion for things like moving out of position. Then when you are satisfied and feel I have been thoroughly reminded the after care would begin, we talk, you rub oil or lotion on me and we cuddle. I thank you and tell you how much I needed that and appreciate your loving guidance.
You are fantasizing and trying to play out in your head, Anticipate and control every aspect of the situation... that is topping from the bottom where is the fun in that? In your intro letter, no offense but you are very negative towards the lifestyle as if you are sorry and want him to think it is weird. Stay positive in your letter. If you say sorry this restaurant sucks while on a date you are putting in your partners mind that "this restaurant sucks!"

Try to erase the negatives, the apologies, the second guessing and focus on writing the positives and how this will benefit you both as well as your relationship and home as a whole. You got this, be confident. This us what you want sell it. Don't apologize, don't try to control every aspect. Say you think it would benefit your relationship if he commits to wearing the pants and work out the contract details if you both agree and it comes down to it. Best wishes
Submissive ❤ Loving Husband + LovingAndStrict06

VernAKmiss
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Re: I want to implement DD, a letter to my husband...

Post by VernAKmiss » Tue Nov 17, 2020 3:19 pm

Joshua,

I definitely appreciate your perspective. It’s been an interesting journey navigating how to bring all of this up to my husband and I’m sure I didn’t do it all ‘perfectly’. You’re right about me fantasizing about it, especially since that’s all I’d ever done since I’ve only really read about this life style and since this was all my idea. I really did want to give him a knowledge of what I’m envisioning but then certainly give him the freedom to do with it as he pleases. Which he’s actually done a great job of. We’re pretty much still in practice mode and not spanking for any reasons or schedule, but just to practice with my tolerance, implements, positions and to get him comfortable with it in general. He spanked me again Sunday all on his own planning and used the smaller wooden paddle with holes that he bought for the first time. It was the first time he actually held me down and I couldn’t get away and he spanked through my ‘complaining’. He made mention of wanting to give me a few ‘extra hard’ swats at the end but was worried of really hurting me. I’m going to let him know that extra hard swats would be okay with me but that it would make more sense if they were for a reason. Not just because. I would be able to accept them easier if they were for something. Which I think adding a couple of rules/goals or accountability areas would be our next step. He was very apprehensive about ‘changing our entire relationship’ by adding rules and giving him all of this responsibility.

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MrX
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Re: I want to implement DD, a letter to my husband...

Post by MrX » Tue Nov 17, 2020 3:29 pm

VernAKmiss wrote:
Tue Nov 17, 2020 3:19 pm
I think adding a couple of rules/goals or accountability areas would be our next step. He was very apprehensive about ‘changing our entire relationship’ by adding rules and giving him all of this responsibility.
As you think through that list of proposed rules that you posted earlier, is there any one of those things that you know he particularly cares about?

That tends to be a good way to get started. Rather than saying, "Here's a giant list of rules, and exactly how I want you to respond in each area" and so forth, which can be very overwhelming, find something on that list that really matters to him (and if none of those things matter to him, figure out something that does).

VernAKmiss
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Joined: Sat Oct 31, 2020 12:18 am

Re: I want to implement DD, a letter to my husband...

Post by VernAKmiss » Tue Nov 17, 2020 4:11 pm

MrX wrote:
Tue Nov 17, 2020 3:29 pm
VernAKmiss wrote:
Tue Nov 17, 2020 3:19 pm
I think adding a couple of rules/goals or accountability areas would be our next step. He was very apprehensive about ‘changing our entire relationship’ by adding rules and giving him all of this responsibility.
As you think through that list of proposed rules that you posted earlier, is there any one of those things that you know he particularly cares about?

That tends to be a good way to get started. Rather than saying, "Here's a giant list of rules, and exactly how I want you to respond in each area" and so forth, which can be very overwhelming, find something on that list that really matters to him (and if none of those things matter to him, figure out something that does).

I suggested to him today to start with my attitude towards the kids. Sometimes I can get overwhelmed and snippy towards them when I know I shouldn’t. He’s corrected me verbally a few times during grumpy moods for my harsh response towards them. The goal being to be loving, kind, gentle and patient towards them. So I do think that would be something he could get behind. I have noticed over these last two weeks since beginning this that my mood is more steady even though the spanking wasn’t for anything specific. So I can only imagine how much more of a lasting impact it would have if given for a purpose. Thank you for your suggestion.

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MrX
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Re: I want to implement DD, a letter to my husband...

Post by MrX » Tue Nov 17, 2020 5:28 pm

VernAKmiss wrote:
Tue Nov 17, 2020 4:11 pm
I suggested to him today to start with my attitude towards the kids. Sometimes I can get overwhelmed and snippy towards them when I know I shouldn’t. He’s corrected me verbally a few times during grumpy moods for my harsh response towards them. The goal being to be loving, kind, gentle and patient towards them. So I do think that would be something he could get behind. I have noticed over these last two weeks since beginning this that my mood is more steady even though the spanking wasn’t for anything specific. So I can only imagine how much more of a lasting impact it would have if given for a purpose. Thank you for your suggestion.
That's a great one - not only does it address something that he's already shown a willingness to correct you on, it also is a situation where he's acting on behalf of someone else (eg. protecting the kids from your attitude), which may make him more open to holding you accountable.

Here's a way that I've created some structure for my wife on this exact same issue (attitude towards the kids) that may be helpful. We came up with a traffic-light system (green, yellow, red).

Every day my wife starts on Green. If she has a bad attitude with the kids, she moves to yellow. I can put her on yellow or she can put herself on yellow. And if that bad attitude continues, she moves to red (again, I can put her on red, or she can "tattle" on herself and put herself on red). We track where she is at via text message - nothing fancy, just an emoji,🟢🟡🔴.

At the end of the day if she is on yellow, she gets some sort of warning consequence - perhaps writing lines and an early bedtime. If she is on red, she gets spanked.

The nice thing about this structure is that I am not always the bad guy. It's just as common for her to put herself on yellow or red than it is for me to do it (after all, I'm not at home during the weekday with the kids like she is). That might be something that makes this less overwhelming or scary for your husband.

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